The confessional is now open for business.

[ohiosmith]

What is your sin child?

[Bunny]

1. I lather and rinse but don't repeat.

I think there's a commercial on TV now where some woman confesses to this. Can't remember what the product is, though.

[ohiosmith]

2. Say three Hail Marys, two Our Fathers, lather and rinse. Go and sin no more my child.

[azmouse]

3. I have this strong urge to

climb inside the frig and shut the door to see if the light really does go off.

[ohiosmith]

8. You can not give in to your urge. The answer you seek will be revealed to you

when and if the lord sees fit. Perform the Stations of the Cross, remove the light bulb from your fridge to avoid temptation go and sin no more.

[Midlodemocrat]

4. I didn't test the hair color on an unobtrusive spot first.

[ohiosmith]

10. That would explain why one half of your mustache is blond.

Say The Rosary, follow all printed directions, go and dye no more.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

81. I never do either.

[miss_american_pie]

5. I breastfed in public

More than once, and I have no remorse. :D

[ohiosmith]

13. In order to properly judge the severity of your transgression, I will

need photographs.

[miss_american_pie]

14. Sadly, I don't have any

:hi:

[anarch]

6. okay, lemme see now...

I wiped a booger on your shirt, I made a dog and a cat kiss, I swiped a bolted-down TV from a Holiday Inn, I coveted the wife in Jaws 2, I lied to a waiter, I masturbated eight billion times and I have no plans to stop masturbating in the future.

[ohiosmith]

15. Asshole! Read the Bible front to back and back to front twice. Convert to

Anglican, provide me with a complete list of your favorite websites, go and sin no more.

[Patiod]

7. I remove the tags from pillows and mattresses

:scared:

[ohiosmith]

16. The next time you are tempted to perform such an unnatural act remind

yourself that God never sleeps. Say Seven Our Fathers, one Rosary, make a quilt out of the tags you have removed and donate it to the local FOX affiliate. Go and sin no more.

[NewWaveChick1981]

9. I put sugar on grits.

(If you're not a conoisseur of grits, apparently that's the biggest sin known to man. :rofl:) And I don't rinse plates before I put them in the dishwasher. (I scrape them, but WTF is a DISHWASHER for, anyway, except to WASH DISHES???? :wtf:)

Oh, and I don't give a damn which way the toilet paper hangs (over or under)---I'm just glad there IS toilet paper! I can figure the rest out myself.... :rofl:

[ohiosmith]

17. All is forgiven. See you at the Olive Garden later?

[NewWaveChick1981]

20. Just as long as I'm forgiven, I'll even eat there.

:rofl: :hi:

[ohiosmith]

28. You are forgiven. One thing, collections have been off lately, could you

put it on your credit card?

[NewWaveChick1981]

30. Only if it's the soup, salad, and breadsticks deal.

:P

[ohiosmith]

33. Father needs a glass of Chianti too.

[Phillycat]

11. I think it's kinda gross to breastfeed a two-year-old.

I wouldn't impinge on a mother's right to do so, but I personally think it's inappropriate. As far as the mothers breastfeeding school-age children (7 years old! No joke!) I think they are screwing up their kids' psyche for life.

Only my opinion, folks.

[ohiosmith]

19. This is a confessional not a forum for your crazed rantings. I do however

agree with you regarding the ages at which breast is/is not appropriate. It is inappropriate between the ages of 18 months and 18 years. Go and rant no more.

[Left Is Write]

80. Inappropriate? At 18 months why?

And it is it again appropriate after age 18?

[reyd reid reed]

12. I ate chocolate at 2 a.m.

and I start sex threads sometimes. I don't mean to...it just...happens.

I'm so ashamed.

[ohiosmith]

22. Alone, neither of your confessed activities are sinful. If however

you combine them, you and I will have to have a very long and serious discussion.

[reyd reid reed]

24. Hmmmm

a sex thread that involves eating chocolate at 2 a.m.? Now why would anyone be interested in that?

:evilgrin:

[Guava Jelly]

18. I have impure thoughts about a few fellow Female duers

I am shamefully lustful

[ohiosmith]

23. You must not allow your lust to manifest itself into action. Memorize

the box scores from the last seven baseball seasons, submerge yourself in ice cold lime Jello twice daily, send me the names of all those after whom you lust (with any available contact information), go and sin no more. Oh yea, say a couple of Our Fathers.

[Guava Jelly]

32. I am weak father

I can't resist their feminine wiles.

[ohiosmith]

36. I know. The brazen hussies. Be strong. Who was the National League batting champion in 2001?

Now, imagine him giving you a full body shave as you both sit in that tub of lime Jello.

[Guava Jelly]

37. Can i imagine he's a republican?? it would help a great deal

[ohiosmith]

40. Yes. And, he used the same razor to shave Barbara Bush and Dick Cheney.

[Guava Jelly]

41. That did it I'm cured!!!

Ain't a female on Du that can seduce me now :7

[ohiosmith]

49. PRAISE THE LORD! Let us kneel in prayer.

[Guava Jelly]

50. Thank you father

And congrats on your Milestone :)

[ohiosmith]

52. You are welcome my son. I am truly blessed.

[deadparrot]

21. I started the breastfeeding thread.

:blush:

[ohiosmith]

25. OUT! OUT! EVIL BEAST, SPAWN OF SATAN. THE LORD COMMANDS YOU.

[Callalily]

26. I only tipped

15% instead of the obligatory 20%. Hey, I was hungry!

[ohiosmith]

29. You are forgiven. Perform the Stations of the Cross and put $50.00 in the

collection plate on Sunday.

[Giant Robot]

27. I believe Michigan will beat OSU Saturday

But I will try hard not to gloat when it happens.

[ohiosmith]

31. Being delusional is not a sin my poor misguided son. Keep the faith

and knew God loves you, even after His Buckeyes knock the snot out of michigan.

[Beausoir]

34. I am addicted to drinking green olive juice.

[ohiosmith]

35. This is not a sin. You need a shrink not a priest. Should the juice however

contain vodka, I'm here for you. Bring two glasses.

[puerco-bellies]

38. I dropped my Wegener 9'6" long-board while trying to set it on my racks this morning.

I chipped the pintail. Is suicide appropriate for my transgression?

[ohiosmith]

44. Dude! Suicide is never appropriate. Say five Our Dukes, three Hail Nolls,

and call Jeff Spicoli to personally apologize. Go and screw the pooch no more.

[puerco-bellies]

53. So it was written, so it shall be done.

[ohiosmith]

54. Righteous brah. Go now in peace and be not a wave hog.

[av8rdave]

39. I bend, fold, spindle and mutilate

[ohiosmith]

45. If these activities do not involve barnyard animals, you have not sinned.

[av8rdave]

48. I'm feeling better already.....

so sinning against credit card applications isn't really sinning? Thank God!

[ohiosmith]

51. No. The Lord loves and blesses those who abhor credit card applications.

[billyskank]

42. I want to buy a fast car

and I would drive it fast too.

[ohiosmith]

46. You can not be forgiven for uncommitted sins. Call me when you get the wheels.

We can cruise the Greyhound station looking for runaways in need of spiritual guidance.

[billyskank]

57. I guess I was getting ahead of myself there

:D

[ohiosmith]

58. Remember. Call me.

[BlueIris]

43. I'm possessive of people.

There, I said it.

[ohiosmith]

47. Before I can forgive you I must know how many you have and where you keep them.

And, if they are whole or in parts.

[Dangerously Amused]

55. I delight in the downfall of my enemies.

Is that sinful?


Or just really immature?

[ohiosmith]

56. Yes. It is sinful. You must love your enemies, especially the hot ones.

Say four Our Fathers, two Hail Marys, go to your local tavern and find a hottie that may be an undiscovered enemy. Ply them with strong drink, take them home and love them until they bark like a dog. Go, now.

[Dangerously Amused]

92. Padre? See I did exactly as you said, and now I'm not a virgin anymore.

So here I am again with another sin to confess!


:cry:

[ohiosmith]

93. Oh! "another sin, another sin" get a grip. You are cleansed of your sin.

Now, what is the name of that bar?

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

59. Forgive me father for I have sinned.

I swear, I thought the cop was a prostitute.

[ohiosmith]

63. Father can relate my son. But that's between the Monsignor and me.

Say two Our Fathers, perform the Stations of the Cross and send the police officer a nice fruit basket. Go and sin no more, with those who can arrest you.

[Hugin]

60. Pssst... Uh, Father guy, dude.

I... Well, I... Missed posting some self promoting inspirational thread on
my 10,000th post.

I know... It was wrong. I broke Lounge Kosher.

But, I have a good excuse.

[ohiosmith]

64. Father is not bound by Kosher Laws. If you however are observant Father

can recommend a very understanding Rabbi.

[Hugin]

68. Also, I have this hair on my palms...

and the eye doctor tells me I may need glasses soon.

Is this God's punishment?

[ohiosmith]

74. Yes. It is God's punishment. I can recommend a good depilatory that has

served me well since puberty.

[Left Is Write]

61. I confess to these horrible sins....

1. I breastfed my children

2. I breastfed them in public

3. I was an "extended" nurser (meaning beyond age one - yes, folks, I nursed my TODDLERS!)

Do I need penance for these heinous crimes?

[ohiosmith]

67. No penance is necessary unless you are a male.

[cwydro]

62. Um, um..well..

I like to look at locked threads.:blush:

[ohiosmith]

69. Father is disgusted by your depravity. Perform the Stations of the Cross

on three consecutive Sundays following the sermon, say twenty Our Fathers and post and immediately alert on yourself 15 times or until your in box fills with warnings from CaliforniaPeggy.

[wildhorses]

65. i confess: i am a boob, actually a pair of them

:bounce::bounce:

[ohiosmith]

70. Only Calvinists believe boobism is a sin. Pics?

[wildhorses]

71. with or without the nipple?

:evilgrin:

[ohiosmith]

75. Father can not make personal decisions for you. Be guided by you

conscience.

[Road Scholar]

66. I broke a pencil point by pressing down too hard. But that was

back in 1976. I had almost forgotten.:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I try not to think about it.

[ohiosmith]

72. Sin does not have a Statute of Limitations, and God does not think that you are cute or humorous

Say three Hail Marys, two Our Fathers, and go to office Depot and buy a gross of Number 2 Tyconderogas which you will mail to celebrities with instructions to poke themselves in the eye with them.

[Road Scholar]

78. Methinks thou art fulla crap.

:toast:

[ohiosmith]

84. That is why Father eats a bran muffin every morning.

[Sanity Claws]

73. I have impure thoughts about men.

Even your picture caused me to have impure thoughts.
Maybe I should become a cloistered nun. Do cloistered nuns wear pretty underwear?

[ohiosmith]

76. Cloistered nuns are not in the habit of wearing undergarments.

Why don't you climb up on my lap and tell me all about those nasty impure thoughts.

[ohiosmith]

77. The confessional is now closed for evening services followed by a light

dinner at Olive Garden. It will open again promptly at 8:00 AM tomorrow.

[Hugin]

79. Night Father...

:hi:

[ohiosmith]

82. Good morning Prag.

[JVS]

83. Olive Garden! I knew you were representing the Anti-Christ!

[ohiosmith]

85. Father goes where the sinners are rather than waiting for the sinners to come to him.

By the way JVS, I haven't seen you in Sunday School lately.

[JVS]

94. That's because I am not in your denomination, you stinking heretic!

:-)

[ohiosmith]

95. Father understands that you strike out as a result of your anger and frustration.

It must be a miserable existence living with the knowledge that you do not belong to the one true church that can save your from eternal damnation, and being a Steelers fan. Go in peace my child.

[texanwitch]

86. I shopped at Walmart yesterday.

I was given a $10 gift card so I spent it on socks.

I only paid taxes on the socks, but I still feel dirty for walking into the store.:-(

[ohiosmith]

87. Your sin is not cardinal. Fear not. Say one Hail Mary, donate the socks

to Institute for the Terminally Static Charged, and take a long hot shower.

[BarenakedLady]

88. Errr

No FUCKING way! :evilgrin:

I have a therapist for that thankyouverymuch

[ohiosmith]

89. Go in peace my child. AND DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON YOUR WAY OUT!

[BarenakedLady]

90. Ok ok Ok

I may have had...at some point in time (like every 3 seconds)...inpure thoughts involving...

shhhhhhh men.

Please don't tell anyone.

[ohiosmith]

91. Before Father can determine the severity of your transgressions he has to know more about your

"impure thoughts". Prepare a detailed list-including illustrations-for Father's examination.