My son's smoking.... since he obviously has a deathwish, I'm allowed to kill him, right?

[MissMillie]

I've already been on his case about lack of activity, not eating right, not getting enough sleep and the 25 lbs. he has gained this year.

Now I see the cigarette packs in his car.

I used to smoke. He saw how hard it was for me to quit, and he takes up smoking anyway.

Is there any limit to how totally stupid teenagers/young adults can get? Can I expect he'll reach that limit soon?

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

1. you can't be all mom on him.

my mom wouldn't shut up about all the bad things I did to my body..and you know what? it made me want to do it more. Just offer your support to him. When hes ready, tell him youll be there with patches, gum and support. But the more you harp, the more he'll do it. that was always my experience with my mom.

[youthere]

2. No I believe teenagers/young adults have an unlimited stupidity allowance.

Are you sure he's not suffering from depression? 25lbs in one year is alarming. Good luck though.

[MissMillie]

6. he's seen the doctor and she prescribed some meds

that he doesn't take and he didn't make his follow up appointment.

I've offered to help him, but he's resisting.

Think I need to hold an intervention? His chores are suffering, his school work is suffering, and it IS having an effect on our relationship. He lies A LOT, even about things that shouldn't be a big deal.

[youthere]

7. My kids are all little...

So I'm at a loss as to how you should handle it. It doesn't sound like normal teenage "sloth" or stupidity though. Just the little bit you posted made my red flags go up. If he's had major personality changes though, I'd be extremely concerned. This seems like a bigger problem than just starting to smoke (although that's bad enough!) I'd certainly check around for some more advice. I wish I could be brilliant for you....sigh. Here's a hug in any case, MissMillie.
:hug:

[taterguy]

3. Just take away his car

Make him ride a bike around. He'll get all the exercise he needs. Since he has a death wish he won't mind being exposed to traffic

[MissMillie]

4. he can't get to college w/o his car

I mind him being exposed to the traffic on a bike.

Besides, he bought his car, and he's 19.

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. He's only begining to plumb the depths of young adult stupidity.

I was way ahead of him back then - so don't worry.

[Whoa_Nelly]

8. If he's got money for smokes

He's got money for rent, even if it's just to you.

[Deep13]

9. No, no limit.

My advice (I know you did not ask, so feel free to disregard) is to keep him from driving or having access to any cash until you are convinced he has knocked it off. If you do not snuff out this self destructive behavior now he will regret it his whole life. If he's working, tell his employer he is not allowed to do so. If some of his friends are a bad influence and he sees them anyway, tell him his friends must come to your house and not the other way around. Tell him that trust must be earned in this world and his obvious disobedience means you cannot assume he will do the right thing.

[RiverStone]

10. Better to keep the communication going....

Just having your teenager TALK to you about whats going on in his life is probably the most important thing you can do. Sorry, real hard to put limits on personal behavior by the time he's 16+
(outside of curfews and driving mom's car). Just keep loving him and eventually, he should "get it."

[MissMillie]

11. I hear that

I don't want to have to put limits on his behavior. I want him to make smarter choices. I try very hard to make sure I encourage positive behavior, but at the same time I speak up when I see something I don't like.

I don't know what he's thinking of... seriously. And when I try to talk to him, he tells me that even the sound of my voice bugs him, not just the things I say.

I should have got a dog.... they're far more obedient, and just as, if not more, loyal and loving. (not really serious here... just.... frustrated.)