REBEL..... on tshirts at the middle school breakfast i attended this

[seabeyond]

morning for the "good" kids. the school has no qualms whatsoever rewarding the good kids and punishing the bad. this is a whole story in and of itself i wont go into but after two years in the school i find it very interesting. anyway, i was at a breakfast with the good kids and as my son ate, two kids came over to talk. we were talking about the high school this middle school goes into. their logo is rebels. i tell them how much i value and love and embrace the word rebel. that not only do i encourage my son to be a rebel, i insist on it. that i encourage my son to break the rules (without being caught. have to be clever) and i encourage him not to walk the line but put that foot outside of the line. and that i demand he walk on that grass.

and i laugh and laugh as the children's eyes get huge and my sons face turns red in embarrassment of his mom, once again, being too bold and loud, yet the smile on his face of his mother, .... the rebel. different. so very different, always different.

was i being a bad mom?

btw: this middle school is 5th-8th. he is 6th. still a little young

[Teaser]

1. I would have denied you were my mom

:)

[seabeyond]

2. it would do no good. everyone knows us. the kid is genius

and i am involved, very much a part, pta and all the kids swarm to chat. my son is considered one of the nicest, most trustworthy, and that is saying a lot for this age of bully and puberty. my son takes care of all that have hurt feelings.

just would not of worked

and.... my son loves me

[seabeyond]

7. btw... if i were your mother, you wouldnt be so full of yourself

that you would need to deny me. you would have more confidence in yourself that you wouldnt be so very worried about what others think, to have to hide me. and .... you would have the ability to step out of that line and enjoy and embrace difference, even value it.

[Teaser]

11. Do you even remember being a kid?

The last thing I wanted was my mom talking to my friends about *anything* serious.
To a kid that age, cool does matter. And it was uncool.

Not bad, but uncool. And if that's you're thing, run with it. He may be better off in the long run.

But when I was kid, it would have embarassed the hell out of me. And from your description, it embarassed your son.

[seabeyond]

12. ya... but then i was a different kid. i loved hanging with my mom

she was cool. everyone liked her. i loved talking to her about everything. she was smart, intellectual, spiritual. had a good grasp on life. she was well beyond most moms. i trusted her with everything. it was always for my good. she was totally honest.

i never understood the teenager. thought they were empty, hollow, shallow, without a lot of merit. loll lol. nope. come into my house and you have to be more. i have older niece here a lot and her friends. i demand more from kids than what most adults expect

the kids flourish. they really do like to be more, than what we give them. i am just willing to give it to them.

i tell them, they are so valuable. i have learned more from being with these kids from babies to teens, all their knowledge and lessons they give to me, about life, than i did in all of school. i appreciate, and thank them for their gifts in growing, that they give me

i remember teen. i was a different teen. as are all my kids that hang around with me.

[shadowknows69]

16. Adults speaking is how they teach

Regardless of what is said or of the attention span of your audience. If you've got good stuff to say Seabeyond always speak it loud and proud no matter what the crowd. The one kid you may reach makes up for the others rolling their eyes.

[seabeyond]

18. ohhhhh i had a niece roll eyes ONCE.... and that was it

i give them respect. i demand, insist on the same, or they are out. again, the line.... there are absolute lines. that is the lessons. they are free, to express and i listen. kids really desire and many lack that from adults. they really crave it, regardless of what society would like to tell us about this age kid. they are tryng to figure things out, and if they have an ault that will listen, respectfully, validate their feelings, they will shine. i have yet to be disappointed

and thanks.

[abluelady]

3. I Think I May Have Said

"test" the rules as opposed to "break" the rules and not get caught. :) My kid would start breaking my rules! LOL And what would my response be then????

[seabeyond]

5. And what would my response be then????

punishment. lol lol. kindnes is a must always. ever without kindness..... there is repercussions. but... if you get caught breaking rule, suffer the repercussion. the point. is learning self rule. not rule what another dictates, because though rule may sound good, action/reaction the rule may be bad. to learn to self rule. there are some basics that as humans we have the instinct for and staying true to those. to be considerate, justice, honesty, love......

IF my son breaks a rule and can explain the good in doing it, pat him on the back, but there are many times i will point out considerations why we do not break that rule and it makes sense, lesson learned and will be more a part of the boy than without understanding.

[ixion]

4. nah, my mom was a rebel

and I thought she was pretty cool...okay, that was after puberty, but still. :-)

[seabeyond]

6. a funny. all the kids, mine, nieces, nephews see me as a hippie

there is not a single thing to suggest hippie but a peace sign necklace that hangs from rearview mirror. the only thing,.... i am "different", lol lol

[Matariki]

8. self indulgent maybe?

but not bad ;-)

[cwydro]

9. Sounds like my mom...

which I'm glad for now, but I can imagine how your son felt today...:rofl:

[seabeyond]

10. ya,... well, the other day he was saying no girls had crush on him

we had a long talk, about how girls dont often show, especially at that age. but since that talk he had a girl call the house for prank call, and two girls mark on him with marker... and oh i giggle. ya right i say.

we are in line and i look around and this girl is staring at son, and face all red.... i ask... she has a crush. oh mom...... bah hahhahaha

i just have had a blast with every age. the thing, i am a connected mom. i see and know all.... just with a glance. doesnt matter how odd i am, i am connected. but equally, as he is to me. a glance and he knows.

btw this school has 5th-8th. he is 6th grade. still a little young

[cwydro]

14. Yep

6th grade sounds like the age to show your love with a marker:P

[PsychoDad]

13. But.....

If you want him to be a rebel, isn't the only way for him to rebel against you is to conform? :silly:

I know what you are saying. I have two daughters that I constantly encourage to think for themselves. Question authority, because often it is wrong.

You are a good mother. :)

Peace.

[seabeyond]

17. ah thank you but i know this about you cause..... psychodad, after all

isnt that the funniest. yes. i have told the boys they can have whatever music, i will not say a thing. i will probably even be able to appreciate it in some way... except country western. that is out. against the rule. (we live in texas). no cowboy hqats, no boots or buckles, no cw music. then i laugh to hubby and say, ya.... that is what my youngest will go to during teenage years. he is the natural rebel.

my oldest.... needs wants desires craves rules and judges others by this standard. for him, i opened my mouth with food in it at the thanksgiving christmas table with in laws. lol loll. only for him to see. i use cuss words, cause he judges a persons worth with cussing, and there is so much more to people than that. i want him to be more free. i do not have to worry about him getting wild.

my youngest..... cant wont dont do any of that with him. totally diffeent child, totally different interactions and lessons.

[donsu]

15. you are ok by me - I urged my sons to break with traditions too

however our children will put their own spins on what we say

some spins we will like and other spins we won't.

[seabeyond]

19. my two sons were watching the video on mexico riots.

the oldest was saying how wrong it was what the citizens were doing. throwing things at the cops ect. i told them that previously the the cops had shot and killed some protestors and this was the only way for the citizens to be heard. do we all just take it, or do we speak out. but he was saying violence isnt the answer and i was challenging him on that. when.... do you push it further. he had also watched the oregan peace march that cops abused peaceful citizens.

last night he watched the video of the miami protest where the woman in red got shot and the cops were laughing about it later. he got so angry... it just offended him so much. he said if i had one of those pellet guns i would shoot them

no no no .... i say. that is not the way to deal with it; violence on violence. not the answer and isnt who the dem is

he says
mom..... you are contradictive challenging me on one and then telling me no, now i am angry...

yup, it is hard, isnt it.

good thing there are lots and lots of years to grow up

[novalib]

20. MOM OF THE YEAR!!!!

You are MOM OF THE YEAR -- or DECADE! -- or CENTURY!!

Think of it this war -- We KNOW that Barbara Bush encouraged all of her sons to "stay within the lines" and to not "walk on the grass" -- in other words, to be obedient little know-nothing dweebs who do what they are told.

And we KNOW her sons -- George, Jeb, and Neil -- all turned out to be STUPID DISASTERS as HUMAN BEINGS!!!!

So, you are ONE GREAT MOM!!!

[seabeyond]

21. what we will find

are the people that are comfortable walking on the grass and those that are not.... or insist we dont walk on the grass cause of potential damage..... bah hahhahaha

those that enjoy walking off the line and not afraid, and those that need the line tied around the waist as a security

k,... right now being a little of a bitch. but oh well. i truly am self indulgent as one poster says. that is a truth

perfectly imperfect

[Lilith Velkor]

22. No, not bad

But when the kids were alone, it was probably like:

"Dude, your mom's weird." "Yyyup."

I recall many such exchanges in middle school. It's just part of life. Yer alright. :pals:

[seabeyond]

23. d*m good thing we embrace weird in our house, lol

to the point of actually preferring it to "normal".

[novalib]

30. Y B NORMAL!!????

"Normal" is SOOOOOOOOO BORING!!!

Y B Normal????

[Lilith Velkor]

44. Somebody has to

If it weren't for us weirdos, how would normal people know they're normal? Hmmmm?

:P

[seabeyond]

45. ah hahaha, oh that is funny, cute and clever... see why we like the

odd. cute. now i am running down to school to pick up two boys to see if i embarrassed the oldest today, and if so apologize profusely. i said it in my post, but really didnt think i did, all of a minute, but seems to be a huge issue with some on the board. i was thinking bad parent cause of encouraging rebellion, not embarrassing.

[txindy]

24. It warms my heart to know that this is happening in the Texas Panhandle.

:toast:

BTW, my sons' school is the opposite: They reward good behavior, but they twist themselves into knots every year to give that reward to the poorly-behaved first in order to "motivate" them. It doesn't work. The first to get it think it's a joke because they know they did nothing to deserve it and now their acceptable behavior bar has been set very low, while the ones who did show good behavior every single day think the reward's now meaningless. :eyes: And they're right.

[seabeyond]

26. the first year good kids bad kids seperated. my son was taken off

witht he bad kids. he is brilliant, and obtuse. to forgetting things got him write ups. now i knew it would take edmund ore time to get the new school, because he is add but we are just patient, and then he gets it. so he got into car and said.... the good kids got movies and laughed and we could hear, and we had to work and teachers were mean, and they literally treated us like bad kids.

i worked hard to get kids in this school for academic reasons and i didnt like that concept but one of the things is they dont mess around there, so i had to suck it up and find the higher. i started telling people, edmund a bad kid, go figure, who ever knew. to make the pain a little less cause the kid is anything but... then he worked hard to reward with the good kids. it has been an interesting lesson and though i dont agree there are any "bad" kids, (i always find good)... i have found how productive this in your face reward system works.

i like

and i hate being in lounge. i was moved. wink. all the rules, bah hahahahaha

[tigereye]

25. Rebel, Rebel is one of my favorite songs

but maybe "independent thinker" or "question authority" might be better motto for that age crowd. ;)


Nothing wrong with instilling the ability to think for one's self and question the status quo. However, that age is waaay about conformity. We are very independent thinkers in my family, but my 5th grader, despite going to an alternative- progressive school, has some very conventional attitudes...

[seabeyond]

27. hey tigereye. i think it helps being in panhandle of texas

the only ones we know who speak out about bush is us. that alone makes it so we dont conform. might be a good thing for boys, even though it brings up lots of challenges.

they listen to my music..... fortunate son one of their favorites.

but it is about conformity. we are working on both. how to be a part of group, yet honor our uniqueness.

[tigereye]

28. nicely said, SB

"how to be a part of group, yet honor our uniqueness."

[seabeyond]

29. it is always about respect

but the respect has to be about self too, or it doesnt work.

thanks

[ismnotwasm]

31. That's funny

And perfect. 6th grade is often where "rebellion" starts--the destructive kind. Encouraging your son to push the envelope is actually quite clever.

My grandson, who is 7, has tested into a "gifted" program. However, they're putting off placement because he has a bad temper. Not violent, although he has had some tussles (it was worse when his mom was deployed in Afghanistan--he got kicked out of kindergarten for fighting and I sat my butt in his classroom every day I could. End of problem)--he basically calls 'em as he see's em. When his mom was gone I taught him to say "Bush sucks" every time he saw that asshole on TV. He knew it whose fault is was his mom was gone. I felt like a bad Nana. Well not really.

Hell yeah, question authority, challenge convention, develop critical thinking, start 'em young. I don't expect my grandson to agree with me politically or any other way as he grows older, but he sure as hell will know it's ok to think things out for himself.

No you're not a bad mom in my opinion.

[seabeyond]

32. good for you. we think a lot alike

i do figure letting kids know rebellion is not only natural and expected, it is accepted, appreciaed and valued too.... in the higher of it. know where the lines are and always think of the repercussion. (that was always my saving grace is i was good on judging if i was willing to accept the repercussions. and always i owned it).

i can appreciate your grandson and to allow him a realitistic outlet validating his feelings probably helped him tons. again it is not that they arent allowed to get angry, that doesnt work and has to be honored. it is how they use it. my youngest has responded to all emotions (sadness, anxiety, pain) with anger. didnt recognize at first. i would ask in his youngest years, why are you angry (when he should be sad)... and he corrected me and said i am sad. that is when i recognized he went to aggresiveness for all the emotions. whereas oldest would clearly show sadness when that was what he experienced.

one of the tricks.... he is a child that cannot be consoled. the emotion would just sit in him. so instead of discipline or trying to talk him, i would say .... (pc'ers may not like) i am gonna beat you (we dont hit) and chase him, catch him, sit on him and tickle him and laugh that energy out. that worked wonders. to the point where he felt it inside he would say, time for a beatin. he is 9 and we still do it, he still needs it and it has been 6 years. that is his punishment as odd as it sounds.

feel the kids, they will teach you what they need.

[ismnotwasm]

40. Social Change is youth driven

Trying to put children in pre-labeled boxes is destructive for everyone.

And letting them/teaching them how to know how to recognize emotions is one of the most valuable parenting skills I have ever heard of. Seriously.:yourock:

[taterguy]

33. yes you were being a bad mom

At least I think so. I don't have good parenting skills which is why I've decided not to reproduce

[seabeyond]

36. bah hahahaha, boy tater. you convinced me on that.... lol

you be funny. hm. i will stick with my instincts.

hey... though tell me cause i am curious, not cause i care or to argue. are you a rule follower. believe in them, see a need, dont step on the grass cause you arent suppose to?

[taterguy]

39. Some rules I obey, others I don't

However, I don't feel the need to advertise it. I just lead by setting a quiet example

[northzax]

34. so you deliberatly embarrassed your son

in front of his peers. Wow, that is fabulous! Why not tell them he still sleeps with a teddy bear, or that he wets his bed? you knew this would embarrass him (reasonably or not) you knew it was embarrassing him, while it was going on, and you laughed at it. You made it about you and what you wanted, not about him and what he wanted. this is good parenting? really?

[seabeyond]

37. i dont know that i did

i know i put it in the post. i am going to ask him when i pick him up. i also put in he had a huge smile too. and a twinkle in eyes, which i didnt say. so though his cheeks were red, i think that he was ok. if i saw a frown or a look of mom dont, i certainly wouldnt. but... i do encourage my children to not accept responsibility of others actions and if i was embarrassing it would exactly not be about him, but me and i get to own that. so if there was embarrassment on his part, i would expect him to not own it. he is capable. we have been doing this a life time. he also went and got a little bit of coffee (without me knowing), feeling like such a big boy amongst his friends. and when friends said he would be hyper i assured them, he could handle it and not be negatively effected. he felt pretty good about that. bad mom.

i will let you know.

and... if i truly embarrassed him it will be a lesson for me to be better in the future.

they appreciate my interaction with them and their friends. we are hitting a new stage though. that is for sure. and he and i are verbally (thru conversation and thought) deciding how we want to walk this together. something we have talked about recently on his sharing crushes and interaction with friends.

so,... though you were able to make me sound really really bad... not really the story.

[Orsino]

35. "Rebel" is even more fun when it's a verb. n/t

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

38. So you embarassed your son, then posted about it on the internet? Great job.

:eyes:

[seabeyond]

41. little more to the story. and actually a reason. was not on this board

was in general discussion, where we have been doing some talking about rule following. pertained to that, hence the posting. my son will not be embarrassed that i posted this on the board. every comment i have made about son, though honest, does not make him less, if anything, grand.....

and as i said to a poster above, i did watch his face and if there were any signs for me to stop i would have. there wasnt one. i am going to ask if i embarrassed... and if so, we will discuss what part did, and how to better walk this in the future.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

42. Well, embarassing your kid at school doesn't make you a good mom, it makes you an embarassing one.

Hell, my mom WORKED at my middle school and she would have never pulled crap like that.

[seabeyond]

43. i think

you are making WAY more out of this than what it is....

i think

you dont know what you are talking about, nor have you spent anytime looking at the many posts i have made in responses and how totally out of line, or off the mark you are with my relationship with son or my parental skills. those kids stood there for twenty minutes talking to us. the part i posted was all of a minute in the whole conversation. a little perspective, or understanding you dont know all.... may behoove you.