Why did the chicken cross the road?

[mzteris]

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side
of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE"
of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid
he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding
"NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of
having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which
is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that
he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the
rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the
road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There
is no middle ground here.

DONALD RUMSFELD: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the
other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I
am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was
misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will
remain against it.

JUDGE JUDY: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market
to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've
not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see
the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to
the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes,
my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you
will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort
out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken
should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as
that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was
good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we
will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the
heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of
molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of
crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an
integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and
will never cra...#@&&^( C \..... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did
the road move beneath the chicken?

[rug]

1. GD: Crossing the road is what they want us to do.

[mzteris]

2. yeah - it's a freeper plot

coordinated by kkkarl and disseminated by rush and the MSM!

[carlydenise]

3. COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one??????!!!

Carly

[mzteris]

4. lol -

hey - WELCOME TO DU!!

[carlydenise]

5. Thanks! I love this site!

Carly

[mzteris]

6. fair warning -

it's REALLY ADDICTIVE!

:hug:

[carlydenise]

7. LOL I am addicted already....

Carly

[Zomby Woof]

8. To buy some corn flakes

[jus_the_facts]

10. LOL....

:hi:

[mzteris]

11. kinky chicken

I bet he likes to roll around in them!

[RetroLounge]

9. Faulkner

Uncle Ike saw her first: just an ordinary chicken, he thought
for a moment, a chicken picking here and pecking there, gradually
working her way across the road toward the lawn; but then he
felt the fingers tighten on his arm and looked up, astounded, to see
him, the Colonel, eyes lit with a new fire, face
aglow like a saint seeing a vision: and then it was destiny, a thing
pre-ordained, a fatality, for the Colonel did not
reveal even to him, Uncle Ike, the secret ingredients, not the names
of the herbs and not even the number of
them, and so the secret of the crust remained, a hermetic mystery,
locked in the private places of the Colonel's soul: and yet
the vision was real, a true moment of Fate; for the franchises sold
almost as fast as they could slaughter and gut the
stock, and they spread across the country, across the civilized
world, making the Colonel not just a millionaire but a billionaire,
and Uncle Ike saw it all, knew it all, from the beginning to the day
when the initials KFC were to be seen in every city, every town, every
hamlet large enough to own two mules and an Assembly of God church:
until now, standing in the shop in Jefferson, Yoknapatawpha County,
where Flem Snopes, the bank president, hawked and coughed and spat on
the floor, then hoisted his britches, country styFrom: d said to the
waitress, "Extra crispy, please."

--William Faulkner

RL

[ElboRuum]

12. OK, now someone explain to me...

I always hear about this chicken desirous of crossing some road with some unclear motivation and occasionally ambiguous circumstances...

While I have been, in the past, content to accept the desire for barnyard poultry, in this specific case, chickens, to perambulate across thoroughfares for the aforementioned unclear motivations, I'm afraid that all of this talk of that thing which everything else seems to taste like has spurred on some serious soul searching in this regard.

To whit, I have been thinking about this quite at length, indeed, probably a great deal more than the question warrants. I drive a vehicle and, as such, am well acquainted with the concept of the 'road' of the modern definition as it stands: a path designed for the conveyance of traffic, vehicular or otherwise, constructed for the purpose of providing a levelled surface over the natural terrain. Primary modern modes of construction include asphalt and concrete, while less frequented areas have roads consisting of nothing more than a coating of gravel over levelled dirt. To a lesser degree, usually for the conveyance of a sense antiquity or possibly due to architectural considerations, some roads are constructed from cobblestone or brick.

Also, I have the occasion to travel in some proximity to farms, some of which raise poultry.

As a frequenter of the road system, I have encountered many examples of, shall we say, casualties of vehicular traffic. Road pizza, if you will. Squirrels, deer, cats, dogs, birds, the occasional ferret, once a snake.

Never once, have I ever come across an eviscerated chicken. Now if it is indeed in the nature of chickens to cross roads, and to unclear motivation, then it would stand to reason that their success in making it to the other side would not be 100%. Therefore, due to my proximity to both chickens and roads, I expect that once I would have been witness to the remains of a chicken that met an ignominious fate at the hands of a set of Firestones.

There is no chicken trying to cross the road.

My guess is that this chicken really isn't a chicken at all, probably some idiot dressed up like a chicken. And he crossed the road because he's an idiot and wanted to be with all of the rest of the idiots who crossed the road before him.

[Sanity Claws]

13. To roll in some corn flakes

and get deep fried.

[Crabby Appleton]

14. Chicken - We didn't cross the road - the road crossed us.