Why don't I ever have the bravery to just go for someone?

[Writer]

I have met men in work and in school, and I've had moments when a man and I have grown an attraction to one another. But I've never been one to chase a man; typically the man would come to me, if at all. I wonder, however, if I had ever taken the chance, if I had ever sought after what seemed intriguing, if I would be freer of fear. If I would take greater risks in life.

How about you? Have you ever taken a risk with someone to whom you were attracted? What was it like? Did they reciprocate? Do you regret doing so? Not doing so?

On edit: I wouldn't be "Writer" if I didn't edit, a'right?

[GOPisEvil]

1. I suck at taking risks.

I almost never do. When I do, I get positive results a good percentage of the time. The last time was REALLY good, until...well...never mind... Anyway, it's the fear built up over the abject, humiliating failures that keep me from being more aggressive.

I SHOULD be more aggressive, but it's hard to overcome old baggage. :(

[skygazer]

2. Whenever I think that way, I think about men

Consider it - even in the 21st century, men are still the ones who bear the brunt of making the first move, asking the woman out, risking rejection. Man, what a burden!

Yet they do it.

How much of a risk is it, really? So he might say no. He might not be interested. In the long run, so what?

If I'd never taken risks in my life, I'd never have gotten anywhere. Fear cripples you. You can't imagine how freeing it is to take a risk, even if it doesn't work. You're a writer - you take risks all the time. Every time you write something, you're risking other people's criticism. The rejection of your work. Extend that to your personal life. Smile and say "Hi. Want to get a cup of coffee?"

Freedom. Give it a shot.

[trof]

3. She did. It worked.

I won't belabor you with all the details of when and where, but...
A note on a bar napkin, written in lipstick, was delivered to my table.
"Will you marry me?
-The Texan in blue."

I looked around the bar and a cute blond in a blue dress gave me a little wave.
I pointed in the direction of the restrooms, behind the bandstand.
She nodded.
We met.

"Will you?"
"I dunno. Are you rich?"
"Yes, my dad is VP of Standard Oil."
"OK, I'll marry you."

It led to a 6 month 'relationship' that I still treasure.
:-)

[greatauntoftriplets]

7. I knew someone whose dad was a VP of Standard Oil....

She was old enough to be your mother. And from Illinois. Different one, I guess. She wasn't blonde, and the mother of a girlfriend of mine.

Odd coincidence. I know Standard Oil had lots of VPs.

[trof]

15. Deenee was a California girl.

Which kinda just fits.
;-)

[greatauntoftriplets]

16. This one was Frances....

And she was sort of ultra-Catholic. Had eight kids. :o

[Lyric]

4. I wish I could give you advice, but

I've always had the same problem. Mostly it's about insecurity. I've never thought of myself as "attractive" enough to approach people in that manner.

[trof]

5. Oh come ON. Post #3 MUST elicit SOME questions? Comments?

It was a wild and crazy night.
:evilgrin:

[Writer]

6. Would simple imagination suffice?

;)

[trof]

8. It gets better. Her name was Immodene.

Honest.
But "Call me Dee-nee".
Yes, that's MUCH better.

I was in USAF pilot training.
She came to see me twice on her dad's corporate jet.
Not that I was the coolest stud that ever donned a flight suit, but there sure must have been something about me that appealed to her. And I'm thankful for that.

I'd never had any experience with anyone who commanded that kind of wealth and privilege.
Nor since.

I really liked her, but she was ready for the long white gown and the ring and I was YEARS away from that.
If we had met later...who knows.

I guess my point was, heck...go for it.
You really don't have much to lose and everything to gain.

[Robb]

11. You simply have the BEST stories

...This also explains the "hopeless romantic" part of your personality. :D

And FWIW, I wholly agree. Life is too short, and what-not.

[trof]

14. Thanks Robb. when you have lived a long time, you're bound

to have a few.

[NashVegas]

22. Then, It Didn't *Really* Work, Did It?

but she was ready for the long white gown and the ring and I was YEARS away from that.

I mean, she didn't really get what she wanted out of the deal, did she?

but there sure must have been something about me that appealed to her.

What was it about her that appealed to you? Not enough, apparently.

[Oeditpus Rex]

9. Rejection is a daunting prospect

Humans guard their self-esteem nearly as closely as their eyes or naughty bits. When you get right down to it, it's a wonder any of us ever get close enough to procreate the species.

But that, after all, is what drives us to take the chance.

Well... that and the potential for inheritance.



:hide:

[NewJeffCT]

10. I'm not good at taking risks

However, I learned to take them as I got older.

But, I will say that I see a lot of women reject men when they get approached, while the reverse is much rarer.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. I did, once.........

It was amazing. Wonderful. Incredible.

No regrets. NONE....

And oh yes, he reciprocated........

It's over now.

*sigh*

[trof]

17. There ya go.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Peggy.
California girl.
Was that YOU?
;-)

[reyd reid reed]

13. It's hard to take the risk...

you're putting it all out there and you're taking a chance on being rejected. And rejection sucks but you get over it. And next time you think twice. You do tend to guard your emotions a little more carefully with each rejection. It's kind of like piling bricks on top of each other. It's a self-preservation thing. Survival is all, but everyone's different. I've taken risks and been rejected and I'm still breathing.

Mostly.

[Generic Brad]

18. I took a risk once

We are now in our 21st year of marriage. I do not regret a moment of it.

[Porcupine]

19. Suck it up. The women do the choosing.

And many men like myself have been overprogrammed to not intrude on their space with our petty mating needs.

So if you want a man you better make it known. Use three letter words and short sentaces. Repeat command phrases as needed until you get compliance.

Example: Instead of..."Would you like to have dinner together sometime?" try "Let's get some food."

Replace...."So what's happening in your personal life?" with "Are you taken?"

Crucially..."Get in here and bump me" should replace every coy phrase you ever thought of to get a guy to start getting physical.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

24. Really sophisticated.

:eyes:

[Guava Jelly]

20. I never had the courage

I had a friend in high school i was crazy about yet I never told her because we were "just friends".
I recently found her on myspace we swapped phone numbers..And I still haven't called her.
I currently am in a relationship and that is a big part of it (And a long long story that i beat into the ground here).
Another part of it is What if i did and she turned me down? Or even scarier what if she accepted my feelings and wanted a relationship.
It's a double edge sword . I guess either way I am afraid of getting cut .

[NashVegas]

21. I Gambled, I Lost, It Taught Me an Important Lesson

The ladies who wrote The Rules, and the guy and girl who wrote He's Just Not That Into You, know what they're talking about. It's not about manipulating guys, contrary to popular belief, it's about weeding out guys who aren't going to make you happy.

Even if a guy likes you, if he isn't willing to take the risk, you're going to be left as the one who's doing all the heavy lifting in your relationship.

If you're not looking for a (potential) long term mate, go for it. Learn what you can.

I don't regret anything, especially for that lesson it taught me.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. When I was single, I asked a number of men out.

Most were too intimidated by strong women to want to go out with one. A couple were abusive, and some just didn't have that chemistry. But a few were genuinely pleasant to go out with.