So a woman at work makes a vague reference about suicide...

[Haole Girl]

...she tells me about a woman who worked with us, who felt tremendous stress, and apparently committed suicide (it was the first I'd heard of it). And, she told me this after we'd already talked 15 minutes about her problems...about how difficult her life is (financially and in every other way). Should I be worried? And, how the hell do I end-up in these situations? I am the absolutely *worst* person to get in the middle of a deeply depressed persons problems, primarily because I *always* say the wrong thing.

Am I being a selfish pig to want to avoid all people who are suicidal....even if I am at a relatively good place in my life?

[skygazer]

1. Well, I don't suppose anybody wants to be confronted with a possible suicide

All I can suggest is that in a situation like this, the only thing you can do is recommend the person seek some emotional help - a counselor or even a suicide hotline. You can't help them really beyond that.

It's not selfish to want to avoid an awkward and confusing situation - not many people know the right thing to do at those times.

[Haole Girl]

2. I did recommend she get help...

...but it made me feel badly...seems like I could have done more...I'm just never sure in those situations...

Thank you for your feedback! :hug:

[u4ic]

3. I was in a play

with a guy about 10 years ago and he told me one Saturday his friend was on life support because he tried to commit suicide the night before. We talked for a bit about it. It just sounded like he was trying to understand why his friend did it.

On Monday, we found out HE committed suicide. They had a pact. He was only 15. :(

[Haole Girl]

4. Oh God....I'm so sorry....

suicide is one of the most horrific deaths...and it leaves so much pain in its wake. :cry:

[MaryBear]

5. Ask her, KC2.

Tell her you have been thinking about the conversation, and wondered if she feels suicidal.

If she does urge her to get help.

If you think she is serious, and want to be involved, go with her to where she gets help.

[Haole Girl]

7. Sounds good...

...I don't know her very well, but I feel responsible for her in a way now...I'll do some more "fact finding" (as they say) when I return to work. Thanks for the advice. :hug:

[MaryBear]

6. dup

[Floogeldy]

8. Just like that co-worker's story, you have now made a vague reference to suicide.

What should we do? Should we be worried?

:smoke:

[Haole Girl]

9. No. I can promise everyone here I would never, ever, ever,,,,

...EVER...commit suicide.

You're so funny some times........but, I did worry someone might think that, so I'm glad (for maybe the first time ever) that you responded to my thread!

:rofl:

[Floogeldy]

10. Heh heh.

Gotcha! :hug:

[Haole Girl]

11. I knew you were deeply concerned for my well-being.

:eyes:

[Floogeldy]

12. Not as concerned as you are . . .

. . . but I'm pretty sure I rate in the top 199.

:hi:

[Haole Girl]

15. You just couldn't be nice, could you!?

:eyes:

[Floogeldy]

16. Whatever you say.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

17. That's better

:hug:

[Generic Brad]

13. Take her very seriously

I had an employee once who I knew had deep emotional problems. After I left the company we worked together at to pursue another employment opportunity she fell into a deep depression. I had been her boss and she felt I was one of the few people who treated her with respect. Three months after I left she told my predecessor that she was would not be in on Monday because she planned to kill herself over the weekend. He did not do anything about it and actually laughed off her comment. But true to her word she followed through on her promise.

This really affected me because before she died she mailed me a letter telling me that she wished I had never left the company because she felt my replacement did not appreciate her contributions or respect her as a person as much as I did. I received that letter in the mail on the day of her funeral. It was like hearing from a ghost and there was nothing I could do about it.

If someone says anything to you that even hints at suicide, please, please take them at their word. Sure, there are some people who will bullshit you just to get some kind of attention. But I, for one, am willing to take someone at their word. Just listen to her. That may be all she needs to get her past this rough patch in her life.

[Haole Girl]

14. Thank you for your advice..

..I know this, and I will and do take it seriously. I don't want to get morbid, but someone very close to me did commit suicide (and did talk about out it with me before). This is why it sends my mind into a tail spin when people hint (in the least little way) about it. God...I wish people would seek professional help immediately...and also know how devastating it is for those left behind...instead of resorting to suicide. I hate the whole mess...I hate what it does to the people close...and I'm so sorry your ex co-worker did that to you (it was so unfair)... hugs for you...:hug: :hug:

[Generic Brad]

18. Thanks, but I would prefer to focus on the living

It sounds to me like you have become one of the people this person has chosen to talk him or her out of their plan. While this person might not be someone you would normally choose to associate with, they have still entrusted you with a horrible truth they do not know how to handle personally and for some reason feel that you might know what to do. That is a compliment to you. Granted, you are probably as ill equipped as he or she is to deal with situation. Accept the fact that you are in the role they have involuntarily thrust into and now you have a responsibility to do help them through this.

The solution may be as simple as devoting an evening listening to someone you would normally overlook. Or it may be way more involved depending on the needs of the person. Whatever you choose to do, I recommend quietly listening non-judgementally and when asked for a recommendation, strongly urge the intercession of a mental health professional or a suicide hotline. I was able to do that when I was a part of my acquaintance's daily life, but could no longer play that role after I had moved on.

[Haole Girl]

19. Can I tell you something? I'm going to tell you something...

...I devoted a lot...I mean a lot of time...to the person close to me who did eventually commit suicide. I tried to get them help, I tried to be there...I listened for hours...I let them know they were loved and needed. They committed suicide anyway. This is going to sound absurd, but I sometimes feel if I'd not gotten involved they may not have....or, because I pressured them to get help they accelerated their time-table. I've probably said too much. I just wanted you to know things are very complicated...very. I'm not the one. I don't know why people sometimes tell me these things. I cannot help them. Sorry if this was depressing or cold or just plain stupid.