Another Thanksgiving ruined because of father and son differences.

[caty]

I don’t know why, but every Thanksgiving turns into a battle between my husband and my son. It seems that every year my 33 year old son will come up with something that p*ss*s my husband off and suddenly Thanksgiving is ruined. My son just paid off the car he has now and instead of keeping this car and reaping the benefits of not having a car payment, he announced yesterday that he is trading it in for a 2004 Miata. He will be making $340 a month payments for the next seven years to pay off $24,000. Now, the car he has now he bought used for $5,000 and just paid it off. The problem is that he never wants to keep a car more that 2 or 3 years. He had a Jeep before this and took a loss on it when he paid it off and then sold it at a loss. In a few years he will get tired of this Miata. It is a 2 seater convertible with no space to carry anything.
My attitude is that I tell him one time what I think of his decisions and then, I let it go. I point out the disadvantages to doing what he is doing and then I figure that he is an adult and will do what he is going to do. But, my husband will not let it go. He will keep arguing with him and will not stop trying to change our son’s mind. They were on the phone last night for over an hour discussing it. My husband, of course, could not change our son’s mind and he barely got any sleep last night because of it. Now, he just told me that he wanted to cancel Thanksgiving. I cook for everyone on Christmas, so on Thanksgiving we usually go out to eat. I told my husband that I would not cancel our plans and if he did not want to go--fine.
I don’t know why my husband feels that our son has to agree with everything he says. They are so much alike I wonder if that is the problem. He can’t seem to acknowledge that our son is an adult who will make his own decisions, just like he did when he was that age. I can disagree with my son and then let it go. My husband can’t do that. He will keep arguing with our son trying to get him to change his mind. They are both the most stubborn people I have ever known.
So , now my Thanksgiving will be with just my son and his girlfriend or will be canceled all together. Something like this has happened just about every Thanksgiving. Now, I’m fed up!


Sorry, just had to go :rant:

[ohiosmith]

1. Does he know that Miata is a chick car?

[Phillycat]

4. God I was just going to say the exact same thing.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

And to the OP, I'm sorry. The holidays suck. :hug:

[caty]

7. Thanks for that one.

I found a site that backed that up and e-mailed it to my son.

[ThomCat]

2. I understand this. That's why I rarely spend Thanksgiving

with family.

I am this year, but it's the first in many years, and my brother will not be there. Usually I prefer to spend it with friends.

[auntAgonist]

3. How sad that this happens ..

I'm sorry your Thanksgiving has been ruined. :hug:


aA

[Bunny]

5. Sounds like your husband and son both have control issues.

Your approach is the correct and healthy one. Your husband needs to let go and let your son make his own mistakes. As long as sonny is not asking you two to bail him out, he is way past the age where he needs to be arguing with his father over a car payment.

And do not cancel Thanksgiving!

[texanwitch]

6. Sounds like my family.

We don't get along so I don't go to my parents house, it a long story.

My father is the same way, he won't change I am not getting my mother upset over it.

Maybe you could go out and eat, take a long drive.

I hope things get better for your family.

[wildhorses]

8. your family too, huh?

i will not even START on mine or TheSmoker's...just to let you know that you are NOT alone.

:hug:


have a nice thanksgiving, ANYWAY (and really piss 'em off ;))

[Hobarticus]

9. I hope you're able to salvage your holiday, somewhat...

My mother died last year, and it left such a gaping hole in our immediate family. Her house was always "home"...now that it's gone, the differences of the past that drove everybody apart seem so ridiculous.

Not to be a downer. I just hope things get brighter for you.

[trof]

10. I'm with you.

My daughter is 35. I love her dearly.
But once in a great while I question a decision she makes.
I give my opinion in the most tactful way I can, and then I let it go and never bring it up again.
Sometimes she takes my advice and sometimes she doesn't.
But we don't rehash it.

They wanted a big dog.
They have a smallish back yard.
They wanted a really big dog.
A mastiff.
I suggested a smaller breed might be more practical.
They wanted a really big dog.
He's now a year old and weighs nearly 200 pounds.
He's a sweet dog. Very gentle with their 4 year old and the cat.
He's a part of the family now, and they wouldn't dream of getting rid of him.
Nor would I suggest that.
But the formerly nicely landscaped little back yard is now a muddy quagmire.
They'll never be able to grow another blade of grass there.
Forget about flowers or veggies.
They may as well pave it.
He doesn't dig. He just trots.
And throws up divots like a pony.

And I have never, ever even hinted at "I told you so".
Sometimes father does know best, but he should also know when to let it go and move on.
:-)

[BOSSHOG]

11. I can't judge but I can empathize

with your son. I could never do anything right for my Dad. We got along fine but he would find fault with just about anything I did. I'd just not engage him in most matters. If your son is spending his money he doesn't need to spend an hour on the phone chatting with Dad about that. If Dad does not have any financial stake in the dealings it would be better for his blood pressure and heart to let it go. I turned out to be much more (financially) successful then my Dad and he benefited greatly from that, but hardly ever provided a peep of gratitude. My Dad died in 2004 at 76, I was 50 at the time. Parenting, a very tough job indeed.

I hope you have a great Thanksgiving and an even better Christmas.

[caty]

12. Thanks.

They are on the phone right now discussing it again. Now, my son is saying he has changed his mind and is going to get a Pontiac G6. My husband does not think the gas millage is good enough since my son has to drive a long way to work. Oh well. They should just NEVER discuss cars.