HELP! I've been robbed by my Best Friend!! Need advice!!

[romantico]

Okay, I appologize for the length of this post but I am trying to give you all enough information. I WAS ROBBED! I just discovered this yesterday and have been very upset since.

I moved in with my Mom about 2 years ago. She wants some work done on the house so she can put it up for sale and move to a smaller condo. I moved in to help her with fixing things and she's helping me save a little as well. Last year we discovered we had a mold problem. We had it fixed while we were staying at a hotel. Since the contractors were there we figured now is the time to do some of the work we wanted to do. The mold was taken care and now we're just doing some basic remodeling.

My friend who I will call John is someone I have known for 20 years. I trust him with pretty much everything. John knows I have another friend who recently died. This friend knew he was dying and over the past few months has given me stuff. Jewlery, art, antiques, etc. This friend who died ran an antique shop for years and had these totes about 11X10 (a little bigger than a shoe box) all over the house.When he died I took all these totes of small odds and ends over to Johns to inspect. He was very excited and told me I had a bout $5,000 here. joh sells alot on ebay and loves to research this sort of thing. Thats why I showed it to him, because he knew what I had. Alot of Broadway memorbilia, art deco cases,Netsukes, silver, jewelery,etc.

Yesterday I noticed these totes were all empty. I panicked and first thoght it was the contractor. After a while I knew it had to be my friend John. this is stuff that was wrapped in tissue paper placed in a tote. Its not the thing a common theif would take. John knew the containers they were in, what was in them, how to move them. I also told John how nervous I was because anyone could get into our house. The contractors had not put new doors on yet and John was the only one who knew this. Our neighbors knew that we living somewhere else and on the lookout, but they knew John was friend and had sen him with me at the house alot.

My gut tells me its John. It has taken alot for me to say this. We're talking 20 years. This guy is like a brother to me. But I know it CAN NOT be anyone else. John drives by my house even when he knows we're not there. I know this because he tells me. One day last week I saw him drive past my house and then go around the block before he came by. I know in my heart its him, but I can not prove it.

My Question: How do I approach him? My brother suggested I go onto ebay and look for my stuff. I know his user id but I'm not sure if he knows I know. He could have sold this to a dealer or be using another user id. I need to let him know I know. ANother problem is I'm not sure how long its been missing. We have filled in the door I believe he used a month ago so this could have been in August or September that he took this stuff. His wife is so sweet. I thoight about asking her. I knwo he does stuff on eBay she does not know about. I think he has been stealing from his boss as well. About 2 or 3 times a month he sells a power drill new in box for about $150-200. His boss sells them where he works. MAYBE, he's selling them for his boss, who knows but I printed them out just in case to have for my own records.

I hate doing this. I know I have to confront him and I know he will deny it. I have to let him know though. Any advice? Sorry I rambled on so long.

[mzteris]

1. report it to the police

let them investigate him and the contractor, etc. That way it's not YOU "accusing him"... but the police asked for EVERYONE who had access to your place and/or knowledge of the items, etc . . . blah blah blah -

[Deja Q]

5. Seconded, report the police and EVERYBODY who came into your home.

Contractor, friend, you name it. They are the most obvious suspects and all will be dealt with equally.

[skygazer]

2. I agree with mzteris

Report it to the police. Because of the value of the items, it makes no sense to just let it go or try to figure it out on your own. Tell them what you said in your post - that the contractor was there, that your friend had access and knew about the items and let them sort it out. They have the resources and the expertise.

Good luck. I hope for your sake that it wasn't a trusted friend of many years. What a horrible betrayal of trust that would be. :hug:

[romantico]

3. It was a trusted friend

almost 20 years I have known him. He has a wife and 2 daughters. I feel bad for them. I thought about going to the police but I have no proof. Its my word against his. TRUST ME, if I thought it would help, I will do just that. Would it help if I went to the police and asked them what they would do if they were me?

[skygazer]

4. You're not understanding what we're saying

Don't go to the police and tell them that you think your friend stole your stuff. Go to them and tell them your stuff has been stolen. Do you see the difference?

If you had no idea who did it, would you just not bother to report it? Of course not. The police don't expect you to know who did it - that's their job to figure out. But they will want to know who had access to it and that's when you explain about the contractor and your friend.

They aren't going to go see the guy and throw handcuffs on him - they'll interview him just as they will the contractor and the neighbors and anyone else who might know something. If in their investigation, they feel he's a suspect, they'll proceed accordingly. It's not a case of you saying "go arrest him!"

This is not a case of you accusing anyone - it's a case of you wanting to know what happened to your property. Valuable property. You don't need proof of anything to report items stolen - all you need proof of is the fact that they're gone.

[romantico]

7. Gotcha!

I guess I don't have that much confidence in the police, but hey, I will do ANYTHING to get my stuff back! Thanks!!

[LostinVA]

36. I would also check ebay, just in case

[Gormy Cuss]

8. If you go to the police, it's not just your word against him. They will look for facts.

A police investigator can check the friend's ebay account with more impartiality than you. If your concern is that you'll cause the friend's family harm, think again. If he stole from you, he is responsible. Period.

If he robbed you (stuck a gun or knife in your face and demanded it) you'd know for certain. Because you only suspect him of stealing, rather than knowing, your choices are 1)do nothing, 2)confront him without proof, 3)confront him with proof (via ebay sales, for example) or 4) report it to the police and let them use their experience and greater access to ebay data to either implicate him or remove him from suspicion.

[skygazer]

9. Gosh, you said that so much better than I did!

:applause:

[pitohui]

30. not for a robbery they won't do anything

for a robbery value of items maybe $5,000 then he'll get a copy of a police report he can send his insurance

there won't be any investigation

i was robbed of twice that

police don't have time to investigate nonviolent crimes

he needs to report it to get anything from his insurer, but if he wants to find out where his items went, yeah, he's going to have to look at ebay himself

i think it's pretty clear from what he says that the friend is a thief, i think it's equally clear he won't get any justice in this case

i sure wouldn't continue to allow this person any place in my life or any access to my house

in the future don't tempt an ebay or flea market dealer with stuff like that, i hate to say it, but a large large fraction of them ARE in fact thieves, i could tell some tales but suffice it to say there is a reason that people can afford to sell items below cost on ebay and still make a profit -- it's because the items are stolen from employers, scammed from friends and family, etcetera

[Gormy Cuss]

32. Nope, especially since this is probably a slam-dunk if the friend or contractor is the thief.

Police brass care about solve rates even for property crimes. That was true when I worked for them, it's true now of the force where I live. It's also true that you could live in a jurisdiction where the police won't bother but that's not the case everywhere.

The OP believes that his friend has stolen the items and the choice is whether to confront the person directly, something the OP seems reluctant to do, or take some other step like reporting it to the police. You disagree that reporting it is worth the effort.

You are correct that flea markets and eBay attract thieves and I also agree with you that I wouldn't let this person have access to my house again nor would I consider this person to be a friend anymore.

[pitohui]

33. no no no, you are misreading me

he absolutely needs to report to the police, he cannot go vigilante and confront this friend on his own

however in my experience, and keep in mind the area in which i live, no police dept. i'm aware of will investigate a crime of this nature, they just file a report and move on

they provide an item number that he can use for his insurance and also proof that he did own the items if at some time they do turn up in the marketplace

i think his chance of recovering the items is almost nil but they are CERTAINLY nil if he doesn't file a police report, the friend who gave him the items is dead, if at some time this items appear in the marketplace and he tries to sue for their recovery, he has no chance at all if he didn't even bother to report the theft to the police at the time of the crime

in my area, they got a solve rate for nonviolent crimes by tacking on an accusation of the crime to somebody they've picked up for something else

this is in fact what happened in my case, there is not any proof in the world that the person ultimately arrested for the crime committed it, the person arrested was simply an unpopular neighborhood figure, he had none of the items

but the police do get to note it as "cleared by arrest" even tho it wasn't solved at all

[Gormy Cuss]

34. Gotcha... thanks for the clarification n/t

[idgiehkt]

39. Amen

And estate sale clean ups. That is where a relative and his associate got all of their stuff to sell on e-bay. From estate sales where everything that was valuable was sold, and they would go in and take the rest for a set price or get rid of it. You wouldn't believe the stuff they would find. Lots of times, cash stuffed in old books. Diamond rings. Knicknacks that were saleable on e-bay because they were valuable to someone. They never rang up the family and said, 'um I just found a thousand bucks stuffed in this book, thought you might like it back'. Once they actually did find a beautiful diamong ring, with the identical replica costume jewelry and the papers for the insurance. Just amazing what older people forget about that they put away, and these guys made a living exploiting that.

[jarab]

6. Unless you're in a small town where "nothing"

criminal ever happens, I doubt that the police would do anything more than a cursory investigation.
From my experience, if there is no physical harm to a person, the case gets low priority. Think how many hundreds of such cases might be active.
I have no advice ... just that opinion.
Well, one. Until you're one hundred percent sure who did it, for the sake of objectivity you might want to cease calling him "friend".
...O...

[mzteris]

10. however, he may - at least - be able

to claim it on his insurance. Can you claim theft on your taxes, too? (doh - it's been so long since I've done my own, I don't remember.)

[romantico]

11. doubt it

A friend suggested I look into renters insurance for the future. I have alot of antiques and collectables cluttered around the house. Thats why i know its him. He knew EXACTLY where to go. A thief would have just taken the totes. He took everything out of the totes and left themthere so I wouldn;t notice right away. It worked! I didn't

[mzteris]

13. have you checked his ebay offerings?

Do you want someone else to do it?

Still - I think the police is your best bet to INVESTIGATE the whole thing. It takes the onus off of you and makes them the bad guy.

Besides if he DID steal from you, I don't think I'd consider him a FRIEND anymore.

[NMDemDist2]

16. that was my first thought too, to look for the items on ebay n/t

[Whoa_Nelly]

18. Renter's insurance will only cover what you have as written appraisal value

So, in the future, if there is anything you wish to insure, the items must have written value. That being said, renter's insurance will cover items stolen if you provide a list and the current value, but they will only pay up to the amount total for which you originally insured. (You insured for $100,000, but are claiming a loss value of $200,000, the insurance company will only pay out $100,000, and no more.)

(Example: years ago, my son had a party while I was out of town. Many items were stolen from my rent home, and I did have renter's insurance. I was only reimbursed for those items that I could place a value on, such as expensive {inherited} glassware. I was not reimbursed for items such as the huge piece of pyrite that a friend had brought back to me from a geological trip to Peru as there was no way to determine replacement value, or a way to replace it, unlike being able to put a current retail value on the glassware and be able to it.}

However, in reading your original post, it sounds like you had the items at your mom's, and are living in a home she owns. Is this is so, then her homeowners insurance will cover the estimated replacement value of any items stolen from the premises, but YOU HAVE TO MAKE A POLICE REPORT.

Totally agree that the police must be informed so you have a case number to validate the claim that items were stolen from the home. Otherwise, your suspicion that your friend stole the items means nothing. You have to take the steps to legally investigate this theft regardless of your disheartening suspicion of your friend.

Hope it turns out that it was not your friend, but if you suspect him, then that speaks volumes to the truth of how much you really trust him.

Were it me, and I had his eBay name, I would not hesitate to start checking things out. And, were I to find those things up for sale, I would absolutely take action by reporting the auction sites, (printed out, too), to the police.

Good luck.

Please keep us posted :hug:

[skygazer]

12. However, if the items turn up somewhere

Perhaps in the course of an arrest for something else or in some other way, the record of their theft and rightful owner is in the record. I've seen that heppen before - an item is reported stolen, the investigation leads nowhere but 2 years later, the item turns up in another case.

[jus_the_facts]

14. The cops can keep a check at all the pawn shops in the area....

....if anything is pawned then whoever did it is BUSTED! Sorry this happened to you...truly sucks! :hug:

[romantico]

15. No, I am aware he is not a friend

But I need to keep up the appearance that all is fine. My fear is that the more time I waste the better chance there is that he will get rid of the stuff. He knows I'm not very good at eBay but I do have his user id. However, I am not sure if he remembers that he gave it to moe, that I would know what to do, and if I remember his id. I check his account about 3 times a week and so far, nothing comes up. He could easily open a different account and list items under a different name. I am slowly remembering items and its making me feel worse the more I remember what has been lost. If anyone wants to send me a private message I will gladly give them the item locations a description of some of the items. Like I said, some are from an estate of a famous movie/theatre star that were given to my friend who died from this star's family. One of a kind items a collector would pay alot of money for. Also, this stuff was meant to be auctioned at Sotheby's and Christies, so its not what you would call junk. Thnaks to everyone for your concer, advice, and encouragement!

[jus_the_facts]

17. At least it'd be on record as stolen items....then if they show up....

....on ebay you might be able to have a better chance at recovery...I'd file a police report as documentation in case you have to take it to claims court?! Good Luck regardless...it's only material...and you and yours weren't hurt physically while bein' robbed. :hi: :hug:

[romantico]

19. I know.

What hurts is, I trusted this guy. I told him EVERYTHING! I told him when we weren't at the house, that the locks didn't work, what i had and showed him and he evaluated all I had, I have given him alot of gifts and done him alot of favors. All this because I trusted him because he was a friend. Even my Mom is hurt. All that, and I have to go on pretending that all is well. I just pray I don;t slip or let the cat out of the bag.

[jus_the_facts]

20. People are heartless assholes sometimes....

....if he's guilty then he was never a friend...sucks royally to have to find that out the hardest of ways..always in hindsight. :hug:

[lildreamer316]

23. Find a way to wean him

out of your life.
I have had very similar experiences. I had to write the stuff off,but it was not nearly as big a money amount as you.
I have distanced myself from these people.

I am so very sorry this has happened to you.

[Roon]

21. If you didn't actually see him take it

You really can't do much about it. Write it off.

[romantico]

22. Question:

Is there a way for me to go ebay and check items that I am looking for that have been sold over the past 90 days or so? This could help if he is using a different user id.

[carlydenise]

24. You know his ID number

go to ebay, get into "my ebay", add him as a favorite seller, I am thinking they will alert you when he has stuff for sale, I think....I am also thinking you can search the stuff he has for sale too. Oh, go to his id and look at his feedback, if someone has left feedback, then you can sometimes check that particular item that he bought/sold.....

I hope that your friend was not the one who took the things, you have been friends so long, that would be the ultimate deception of a friendship.....just make sure, positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that every one else has been ruled out before approaching him personally, because if someone else did it, that may strain the friendship also. Did you contractor have workers in and out of the house?
Carly

[romantico]

27. At this point I am 90% certain its him

I'd feel better if I could say 100%. Too many clues. He stalks my house and tells me how he drove by. I live on a street that he doesn't need to drive by. Theres no outlet. He has made himself known in my neighborhood without my help. Theres a bike trail behind my house. This summer he parked his car in my driveway and went biking with his daughter. When they got back they say outside in back of the truck eating sandwhiches. In the winter, he comes by and plows my driveway. He waves at the neighbors and is always friendly. My neighbor had a tag sale and he came over to check things out. I never thought anything of this but am now begining to think he was wanting to make himself known to the neighborhood that he is a close friend of mine.

When I showed him this stuff, he kept telling me how I had a forune here and how he could help me sell it. He asks alot of questions about the house. (are the contractors gonna ne there tomorrow? How soon til you move in? He'll call me on my cell phone and ask where I am and where my Mom is, and so on) I'm thinking of this stuff only now. I never would have given it a second thought before. The contractors are a suspect but I put them way down on the list.There are other things more valubale they could have taken. I have vintage Disney Cels all around. They could have taken any of those. I told my friend that I took them to a relatives house for safe keeping and he got angry with me. He said I was paranoid and dumb for doing that. I didn,t think anything of it at the time but I remember clearly that he was really angery and botter. ALOT of things are making sense now and I'm piecing things together. Also, there was a small amount of stuff he photographed for me that was in these boxes. These items he took photos of and gave me a disc containg the pics are the ONLY thing he didn;t take. Wouldn;t a thief who grabbed everything take these as well? Why leave these? IMO, he left them because he knew I had photgraphs of them and he checked them out and saw they weren't worth as much.

[grasswire]

25. sure

But first, do you have an ebay user id of your own? You'll need that to check for completed auctions.

let's say the item is an autograph of mickey rooney's. Up in the search function, type in "mickey rooney autograph." When the result page comes up, if you look over on the column at left, you will see a place where you can select "completed" auctions. You will need an ebay user id to sign in to see those.

You won't get 90 days of results. I think it's just 30 days. But that's a start.

I would have done this as soon as I suspected him. Go for it.

If you find a match, you should report it to eBay, too, immediately.

[pitohui]

31. yes do a search on completed auctions

they used to go back 90 days, maybe they only go back 30 days now, so the sooner you search the closed auctions the better

receiving stolen goods is also an offense, whoever bought the items must return them if you can prove they belong to you

you do not have to re-pay them what they paid for a stolen item either so don't be scammed twice

[skygazer]

26. If your car was stolen and you didn't see who took it

Would you write it off? He's talking about valuable stuff. You don't have to know who stole something to report it stolen.

[SOteric]

28. You owe your friend the benefit of the doubt ~before~ you call the police.

Since you know your friend to have driven by your house and to know about the totes, ask him.

I would frame the question as though you were consulting him as a trusted and valued friend who you knew 'looked out for your interests.' Something like, "John, you've been so good about checking in on our house and looking out for us. Is there some chance you removed some of the items in these totes for safekeeping?"

If he denies any knowledge or offers any alternate theories, then call the police and tell them point blank that you suspect this friend may have had something to do with their disappearance.

[romantico]

29. Well

I just asked a friend who is in law inforcement about this. I told him the whole story and I must say, I find his advice not very comforting. He says I should not accuse anyone. I should just stick to the facts and what I know. I told him what about my friend knowing the totes and whats in them? What about his interest and the fact he deals with sort of stuff on eBay? The fact he was the only one who knew my house was unlocked? All these details IMO, are important. His answer was, well detectives are gonna do the least amount of work for you. If you give them a name of this guy they will got to his house and question him. When he tells them he knows nothing about it the detective will note this guy was approached and questioned and thats it. John can sell this stuff some other way or just panick and throw it all away now that he knows we're on to him. So, as you can see I have no idea where to go from here.

Tonight I am going to try my best to catalog everything I can remember and write it all down.
Tomorrow morning I am going to go to the police dept and file a report. I am going to tell them I would like proceed with this cautiously. As of now I don;t know if I should downplay my suspecting my friend or if I should tell them everything I know and keep my fingers crossed they don;t mess this up. ANother option is to confront him and tell him I know he has it and I want it back. I can try to use guilt and plead with him that no questions asked I just want my stuff back. I may even tell him maybe we can try to work things out but not til I get my stuff back. Atleast I would have a better chance. If the police approach him first and get nowhere I doubt I will. I mean, for me to ask him for it back AFTER the police question will just appear lame. He'll figure If the police have nothing on him what can you do? Either way, I don't think I'll see this stuff again.

[grasswire]

38. how about another idea

How about telling your friend that some stuff is missing from your house and you're going to have to report it to the police? Don't accuse him of anything. Just mention that you're going to request a criminal investigation.

Can you pull that off with a calm face?

He might then just help you "find" some of the stuff.

But first you need to search ebay to see if any of it has been listed there.

[Maddy McCall]

35. Wait. You say that he's a "trusted friend," yet you also say that....

he steals from his boss?

You may just have to eat this loss.

The cops are NOT going to chase down memorabilia. If you're going to report the loss on your homeowners insurance, the police report will be needed.

But don't expect the police to help you recover your stuff. It just ain't gonna happen.

Thing that confuses me: you say you trust him with pretty much everything, yet you think he's probably stealing from his boss and lying by omission to his wife.

Whoa. You might want to just consider this a lesson learned. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I'd do. I'd lose this guy as a friend. Sometimes it sucks to do that, but for all your talk about trusting him, I really don't think that you do. Whether he stole it or not, you need to think about whether or not you want a friend taht you don't really trust.

I'd report this to the police, with no expectations of recovering the items, and only for the police report. Then, I'd count my blessings that I had not spent $5000 of my own money on this stuff, and that what was stolen was gifts.

Sounds to me like the stuff wasn't as much sentimental to you as it was a possible avenue for income. If it had been sentimental, you wouldn't have needed an appraisal of value. (Taking it to a person you suspect to be a thief--a guy that quite probably steals and sells on ebay--for his advice on value...well, that was your mistake. Leaving $5000 worth of stuff in a house that missed doors...that was your second mistake.)

[qanda]

37. Until I got to your post, I thought I had lost my mind

If I had a trusted friend, they would be the last person I suspected of stealing from me. It is obvious that there was a lack of trust or the OP wouldn't be accusing his "friend" of stealing from him.

Is it possible that the contractor bears some responsibility for leaving your home unsecured? Just something I'm wondering.

[romantico]

40. I thought of the contractor for a while

but it just doesn't make sense. Okay, these were in an area of the house that was not easy to get to. You had to do some climbing and moving boxes. These totes did not call out or bring any attention to themselves. There are other totes, boxes, bags in the area that are alot easeir to get to than the totes. Once they got to the totes, they would have opened each one and took out each item that was wrapped in tissue paper. Then they would have to place them in a bag, box,etc. and then carefully place the totes back where they were and pile the boxes and bags around and ontop of them so they don;t look out of place. Anyone looking into these totes would think it was junk. However, an experienced ebay seller could see what they were worth. Selling only 10 or 15 items a week of this stuff would bring in an easy $200-300 (and I'm low balling that figure by the way) I have enough in these totes to sell for a good year, maybe two.

A contractor I don't think would see that. Its alot of work, research, waiting and most aren;t willing to do that. This guy had seen them before so he knew the totes when he saw them. He knew what was in them so I doubt he took the time to go through them. Just empty them in a bag. He also knew it was worth the hassle and trouble of climbing over boxes to get to them and then was smart enough to place them back just like they were so I wouldn;t notice for a while. (it worked)

Also, contractors usually work in teams. I know there are atleast 3 or 4 guys there at a time including the boss. Yes, its possible but the odds are greater for a friend I've known for almost 20 years and the contractors are a perfect scapegoat. He knows all of this. How? Because I have told him alot. He is the only one who knew I had ANYTHING that valuable in the house. I am begining to also think this stuff was taken before the contractors even started. They started on October 7th and I think this stuff was taken around September. Anyway, thanks again for the tips.

[grasswire]

41. huh?

"Selling only 10 or 15 items a week of this stuff would bring in an easy $200-300 (and I'm low balling that figure by the way) I have enough in these totes to sell for a good year, maybe two."

Are you saying total worth is $200-300?

Or are you saying $200-300 per 10-15 items?

Selling them on eBay at $20 each does take some time. It might be too much for the market there -- might be impossible to unload that much stuff.

[romantico]

42. No

Roughly 10-15 items could bring in $200-300 total. I was told along time ago what something is worth and what someone will pay for are two different stories. Example: I have an Art Deco new in box Ronson cigarette case/lighter from the early forties. Brand spanking new. Flawless. New in box. Others that have sold just like this, NOT new in box or nearly the condition mine is in, has sold for $75. So, you would think mine would sell for ATLEAST that amount. Well, I know enough to know thats not always the case. Just an example, and by the way thats one of the items from the totes that was taken.