How can you tell whether your friend is a victim of domestic violence?

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

   I haven't heard from her in more than two months, no one answers her phone, and it has been more than two months since she has been seen on the web boards where she once was a frequent participant.
   Her S.O., a lovely, gentle, intelligent and insightful man (when he's taking his meds), has a history of violence when unmedicated.
   I don't want to be a busybody, nor do I wish to step on any toes or treat my friend as anything but the delightful, brilliant and wise woman I've loved for more than 6 years, but I am concerned that she might be in danger.
   SHOULD I be concerned?
   If so, is there anything I can do to help her?

[Bassic]

1. Does she live close? Have you dropped by?

That could give you some indication.

Edit: In your position, I would also be worried a bit, so yeah it's normal.

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

6. Thank you... I've considered all these options...

   The S.O. sees me as a threat, hence my reluctance to drop by again...
   I've worked, in a variety of roles, at and for battered women's shelters and in crisis centers, for more than twenty years. Short of intervention, I'm out of ideas...
   Prayers for her are the only thing left, I'm afraid --any prayers, to any deity -- but especially to any of those deities, powers, or spirits whose special attribute is the protection of mothers and their children.

[Bassic]

8. I say to Hell with the S.O.

He can be an idiot if he wants to, I'd still drop by if I had suspicions of that nature. If he is abusing her, he needs to be reported asap.

[MountainLaurel]

2. From the National Domestic Violence Hotline

http://www.ndvh.org/educate/what_is_dv.html

http://www.ndvh.org/educate/fandf-educate.html

Best of luck to you, and to your friend. I hope you're able to help her before it's too late.

[idgiehkt]

3. that sounds really scary

I don't know what to do, but I wish you the best with the problem :hug:

[pitohui]

4. have you been able to locate your friend yet?

i would call family members and other friends to find out what they've heard and figure out where to go from there as far as getting law enforcement involved

[philosophie_en_rose]

5. Just be honest and be supportive.

"I'm concerned about you. Is there anything you want to talk about? I want you to know that I'm here for you, regardless."

http://www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList_73.html

You can help her by being a safe place for her. If it comes to this - offer to keep some clothes and copies of important papers at your house, in case she needs to leave. Get some information from a domestic violence victim service agency and keep it at your house.

[China_cat]

7. If your friend is being isolated from family and friends

or is isolating herself in the hopes of keeping 'peace', yes it is an abusive relationship. Whether or not it has actually come to physical violence.

The first thing to do, frankly, is find out if she's still alive. Has ANYONE seen her, or heard from her? If it comes down to a friend's life and/or physical well-being, make a fool of yourself if you have to. Better to be wrong from love than be silent and right. If nobody else has seen or heard from her in that time frame CALL THE POLICE and report it...including the SO's history of violence.

[ChickMagic]

9. Adding to the other replies,

I suggest that you give her a code word. If she uses the
code word in a conversation with you, you will know to
call 911. She's not going to tell you over the phone when
her SO is in the room that bad stuff is going down.