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Fuzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 09:53 PM
Original message
I'm no good at cybersex
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from WalMart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK...sure.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo, and there are candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know...breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What??

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold!! Yeeeee!!!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Taking off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on your...ummm..... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK ?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now, I'm putting it back in the cabinet, and now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so = badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked = bodies pressing against each other

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby !

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet, I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now ?

Wellhung: I've just realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my.... you know... thing...in your...you know... woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I have a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my butt back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet, nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No, wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain in on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire. Oh noooooo!!
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NNadir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 09:57 PM
Response to Original message
1. This may get locked but damn, it's hilarious!
Thanks. I was laughing so hard I choked.
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mainegreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 09:58 PM
Response to Original message
2. That's hilarious!
:rofl:
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RevolutionaryActs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 09:59 PM
Response to Original message
3. IBTL
but lmfao. :rofl:
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hsher Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:00 PM
Response to Original message
4. Didn't I have this date with you a few years ago?
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Fuzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. Shhhh
:)
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originalpckelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:02 PM
Response to Original message
5. IBTL! YOU!
:spank:
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Ptah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:03 PM
Response to Original message
6. Beautiful!
:applause:

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LostinVA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:03 PM
Response to Original message
7. hehehehhehe
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bridgit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:08 PM
Response to Original message
8. heh-heh...
:thumbsup:
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tinfoilinfor2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:12 PM
Response to Original message
10. Well, I'm turned on.
I haven't seen a man do the dishes in years.

:)
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Maestro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:15 PM
Response to Original message
11. Oh please mighty moderators, don't lock this.
This is funny as hell! :rofl:
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Perky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:27 PM
Response to Original message
12. On a more serious note
Edited on Sat Nov-25-06 10:31 PM by Perky
I always thought cyber was pretty tedious an d not vey erotic

type type rub type rub wait........wait wait....type something back dammit...rub rub hello you still there....sorry I had to wash my hair.
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Fuzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:29 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. Put that cat back in, would ya?
It's offensive.

;)
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zanne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:34 PM
Response to Original message
14. Did you write this yourself?
I haven't laughed this hard in a week.
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Fuzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 11:59 PM
Response to Reply #14
23. Heh, no. Shamelessly cut 'n pasted.
:)
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WritingIsMyReligion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:38 PM
Response to Original message
15. I remember this one.
:rofl::rofl:
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latebloomer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:39 PM
Response to Original message
16. This is Great!
:rofl:
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ElsewheresDaughter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:42 PM
Response to Original message
17. omg roflmao.....tears
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SPKrazy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:43 PM
Response to Original message
18. I Need A Cigarette
and I don't even smoke!:P
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Nickster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:47 PM
Response to Original message
19. That's pretty funny, thanks for the laugh. n/t
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bertha katzenengel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:48 PM
Response to Original message
20. IBTL. "Where do you keep your cups?" ROFL
:rofl:
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SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:49 PM
Response to Original message
21. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
One of the funniest posts I've ever read! I'm wiping tears from my eyes.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-25-06 10:49 PM
Response to Original message
22. If you like this one, search for BloodNinja on the Google.
Lots more where this came from.
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-26-06 12:37 AM
Response to Original message
24. IBTL!
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gemdem Donating Member (975 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-26-06 12:42 AM
Response to Original message
25. Best laugh I've had in while. Thanks! n/t
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-26-06 12:46 AM
Response to Original message
26. that's hysterical!
:rofl:


thanks.

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Schema Thing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-26-06 12:48 AM
Response to Original message
27. I've read versions of this before. very funny
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-26-06 01:46 AM
Response to Original message
28. I can't see what I'm typing.
I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying. :rofl:
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Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-26-06 02:47 AM
Response to Original message
29. That's hilarious
:rofl:
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NMMNG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-26-06 03:12 AM
Response to Original message
30. Too funny.
:rofl:
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Moderator DU Moderator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-26-06 03:30 AM
Response to Original message
31. Locking.
Sex thread.
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