Back from Thanksgiving Hell.

[crim son]

The good news: we will be spending Christmas alone, without my inlaws. The bad news: got a few minutes?

Dear Gawd this whole situation is difficult enough without input from well-meaning, Lisa-hating people! I know I've done wrong, and I'm paying for it. Is it really a good idea to try to turn my kids against their own mother? Needless to say, I'm going to hell and have brought bad luck and shame upon the whole family. And this is the best, said to my fifteen year-old daughter,"Divorce is easy on the children. But you don't realize how I have suffered..."

I don't believe in reincarnation. We are thoroughly punished in this life.

[NMDemDist2]

1. ..

:hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

2. In some ways I think your holiday was better than mine ...

[crim son]

8. In all ways, CarolinaPeridot.

I just read your thread. I'm very sad to hear about your mom and I said the prayer you requested. My best male friend had a massive ruptured aneurysm and survived. He is a testament to the miracles doctors can perform and I hope your mother makes a full recovery. :hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

36. She will make a full recovery.

I knew that she was going to be alright when she was still in the ER room. When I was talking to her she told me to " shhhhh!" LOL and that's what she always does to me. And she is fulling talking and everything. She still has her quick wit - I read her the joke on the card I got her and she laughed LOL. She was more worried about her breath stinking when my brother kissed her than anything. Everything is going to be just fine. Thank you for your prayers crim son :) :hug:

[crim son]

40. That makes my day, truly.

Especially because she sounds like she is already being her familiar self. I'm so glad! :hug:

[RevolutionaryActs]

3. Holy shit.

I'm so sorry. :hug:

[crim son]

9. I expected it!

But we made it through the whole weekend without incident. She only began her tirade this morning before we left. oh well.

[Gormy Cuss]

4. "Divorce is easy on the children"?

On planet Zog, mebbe.

Adults who can't act adults like when children are in the room really, truly, piss me off.

[crim son]

10. This would be characteristic.

If my STBEx husband killed one of my children, it would still be my duty to God to remain married to him. The fact that he is angry and occasionally violent is a nonissue to her. I am to subject myself to my husband's will no matter what the impact on my kids.

I simply don't understand her point of view, and surely doesn't understand mine!

[cwydro]

5. Oh damn girl,

I am so sorry it was like that. No one should be treated that way.

And try to stop beating up on yourself, OK?:hug:

[crim son]

11. Cwydro, it's hard not to beat up on myself

but on the other hand, I think I've had just about enough. I've been blamed by everybody including the other man, for everybody's ills. I am the convenient whipping boy. Now that I'm pretty much just thread of flesh attached to a skeleton, they're all going to have to look elsewhere for somebody to blame. I'm not fucking taking it any more.

Thanks though. I know I'm always posting but hell, I don't have anybody else with whom I can be candid! :hug:

[cwydro]

12. You know my situation

and believe me, I beat up on myself until very recently. Still easy to fall into that trap. Sometimes you just got to get up and dust yourself off and just go for it...and leave the past where it belongs, in the past. Hang in there. And sounds like you might be getting pissed off..and that is a good sign, ya know?;-)

[crim son]

16. I am. I did a terrible thing but I'm trying to fix it but I just can't.

I'm tired of being judged by my one transgression and not the years of faithful support and kindness I gave to one and all. Oh, poor, poor me! I don't want to sound sickening. Just... tired. And I do know your situation, and I will listen to you. Thank you.

[auntAgonist]

24. People are very good at judging by that one transgression..

I know from experience and it's taken me a LONG time to forgive myself. Sometimes I think I've succeeded and other times I still feel the guilt pain etc ...


What I'm trying to say is this, screw them all. :hug:

I'm sorry you had a crappy time of it, I hope your days get better as time goes by. You have to love yourself. :)

aA
:hug:

[crim son]

27. aA, hugs if you've been where I am now.

I am very lucky that, in the midst of all this, my husband of all people tries to understand. I wish... lots of things. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

6. First of all...

...hugs... :hug: :hug: :hug:

Second of all, it is the one who (whom?) does the bad-mouthing (yeah, southern expression) that children grow up to resent later in life. They'll quickly see through the b.s. Just keep your chin up and resist the urge to talk vile- just because they do- and everything will work out. Trust me on this...I know from experience (growing-up in the middle of my parents' very nasty divorce).

[crim son]

13. Your words mean a lot to me.

I know my older children understand but I'm afraid my youngest boy might be influenced by her in this matter as he has been by her Catholic evangelism. But you're right; I must take the high road. Geez, am I capable?

[Haole Girl]

22. You've got to be capable...

...unless you want a "screwn-up" kid. like me!! ;-)

[crim son]

25. For a screwn-up kid, you are pretty darned wonderful.

And I mean that NOT just because we are long-lost sisters! :hug:

[Haole Girl]

26. LOL

Thanks. :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear crim son......

Have some hugs sweetie......:hug: :hug:

Take a deep breath; you're among friends again....

I'm so very sorry....

What a rotten thing to say to your daughter......whoever it was...

Hope they get theirs very soon! :grr:

:loveya: :hug: :loveya:

[crim son]

14. It was my MIL. She's had a very hard life,

was married to a terrible man who beat her and her sons, and was sarcastic and contemptuous around them for as long as I knew him. But she remained married to him because she believes that it was God's will, just as it is mine to stay with a husband who is very much like his father. I don't want her to suffer - I just want to be away from these people. :pals: Thanks, CalPeg!

[Ptah]

15. You've got mail.

[crim son]

17. Oh Ptah, thank you!

A new part of your collection? It's very cute. And delicious :)

[Ptah]

18. Chin up, my friend.

You never know what's next.

:hug:

[crim son]

21. Sunshine?

That would be sweet.

[Redstone]

19. Even if they're family, you can still tell them to go fuck themselves, you know.

NOBODY has a right to torture you or make you miserable on purpose.

Family or no family. Tell 'em to screw off, and don't talk to them anymore.

You have the RIGHT to be treated decently.

Redstone

[crim son]

20. Perhaps not a right, but a hope, yes.

My husband who is caught in the middle, calls it a "cultural" difference. Germans, he claims, take sides. Me, Canadian/American, I'm more likely to try to make the best of a bad deal and remain at least friendly with everybody. But since it's my mother-in-law who has now admitted to never wanting me as a daughter-in-law in the first place, I will just remove myself from her presence. If it weren't for my kids I would tell her to go fuck herself for sure.

[Redstone]

23. No. You have the RIGHT to be treated with respect. Never forget that.

Redstone

[crim son]

28. You surprise me.

But then, you may not understand my situation.

[TOhioLiberal]

29. I agree with Redstone.

You have the right to be treated with respect. No one should be allowed to dump on you, whatever the situation. Here's a hug :hug: hell have two or three :hug::pals::hug:

If you need to talk you can always PM me.

[crim son]

32. Thank you TOhioLiberal. I guess I'm in the frame of mind

where I don't believe I warrant the respect. But you make me feel better. :hug: Started to PM you, then realized it'd be a rant.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

30. ...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[crim son]

31. Hugs to you.

I deserve everything I get.

[TK421]

33. Sort your own shit out....screw what everyone else wants....I had a

particularly uneasy Thanksgiving with my family. I am the only kid who hasn't gotten married and had a baby in my family, and the pressure is on BIG TIME.....they don't approach me about it in conversation, but the connotations are there.

Edited to add: I'm sorry your Thanksgiving was not what you wanted it to be...neither was mine ; I hope you can look past the negative shit that went down ( unlike I have been able to ). Best wishes

[crim son]

34. Hi TK,

I've lived with the subtleties for years... I was kind of shocked by the overt insults. But my gawd, there is nothing wrong with not finding a "mate" and having children. If that were all there is to success then there would be songs in my honor. Sorry you had as difficult a Thanksgiving holiday as I had. The holidays have a way of making one feel inadequate, no? :hug:

[TK421]

35. Not so much inadequate, as feeling like I should be doing something

else with my life, or finding someone to "carry on the gene pool" crap....I don't know. I'm 31 years old, and I have a nephew who is 26 with two kids ( 5 years and a 1 year old ) and I get the feeling that I'm being eyed up every time whenever there is a family gathering. Sometimes, I feel like I'm being judged by my family, though I don't really have anything to back that up. :shrug:

Edited to add: if that makes any sense?

[miss_american_pie]

37. Oh sweetie

:hug:

Your kids are smart enough to see that for what it is. And they will be okay. Stop beating yourself up.

[crim son]

39. I decided last night I wouldn't, not any more.

It is sort of good that it happened because it's another turning point in this ordeal. I feel better about moving on. :hug: Hugs to you, Ms. Pie.

[mainegreen]

38. Arg, that sounds terrible. I hope your quiter christmas makes up for it.

That, and your not going to hell. And your in-laws sound terrible, the kind of people who what to quash happiness or calm wherever it is found. Either way, here's hoping things improve for you.

:hug:

[crim son]

42. Thank you mainegreen.

I hate to admit it, but Christmas without my mother-in-law will be a relief. I've learned to love her over the years, but she is a difficult woman to be around. Plus, she always takes all our leftovers home when she goes :cry: Not this year!

[ThomCat]

41. That's horrible.

:(

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

:hug:
I keep telling myself that I'm never traveling again to see family. It's just not worth it. After all the pain and hassles this year, I think I really mean it this time.

You're welcome to come to NYC for any holiday. I'll cook, and you and your kids will be welcome, without any B.S.

[crim son]

43. Thom, you are adorable.

Huge hugs for your kind words. I'm sorry that you've had to consider staying clear of the family. On the one hand, it is the most effective way of eliminating a great load of pain, guilt and resentment. On the other, the underlying sadness and feeling of rejection remains.

I extend to you a counter-offer... that when I get my own place you are more than welcome to come and stay, and cook for us :7: any time. I would love it.

[ThomCat]

44. I will definitely take you up on that offer.

But it will be in warm weather. :P

[crim son]

45. Good!

Up here, there's a two month window where the weather is guaranteed to be warm :) My door will be open.