Ever been so absolutely wrong about another person?

[BarenakedLady]

I used to think I was a pretty good judge of character, really. But fuck, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Holy hell to have someone you cared about, thought the world of, trusted implicitly basically rip your heart out and then rub your face in it, with apparent glee no less. It's like a whole new level of OUCH.

There was recent talk around here about what is behind your mask. I guess some masks are more convincing than others. If I've learned one thing it is never to trust my judgement again.

:nopity:

Waaaahhhwaaaahhhfuckinwaaaahhh :sarcasm:

[miss_american_pie]

1. ...

:hug:

Need to talk about it?

[BarenakedLady]

34. Nah

I think I'll be fine after a bit of wine and whining. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

2. Yes

Nobody really truly knows another person...not completely. Unless, they are a mind reader. I've only known one true mind reader in my life---my mother! ;-)

Hugs... :hug: :hug: :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

35. Thank you

I appreciate it :hug:

[Bassic]

3. Sounds a bit like what happened to a friend of mine.

She's pretty insecure, for reasons that elude my, but allowed herself to get closer to a guy who seemed pretty decent. For a few weeks they'd go out together, she'd even sleep at his place, which is quite out of character for her. The guy would drive her to work, make her lunch, the whole nine yards and then one day, last week, he just tells her he doesen't want a relationship and she can just fuck-off (or words to that effect)

I'm still trying to get her to tell me where he lives, so I can go slash his tires.

All this to say that I sympathize with you. :hug:

[Sugar Smack]

6. That is ROUGH.

I had that happen to me once. It was a true wake-up call.

[Bassic]

8. As a guy

I hate guys who do this. They give the rest of us a bad rep. Plus this asshole hurt a friend of mine, so I sincerely hope I never meet him. For both of our sakes.

[BarenakedLady]

36. Thank you kind sir

Can I follow around you and your bass? lol. :hug:

:yourock:

[Bassic]

72. Anything for a lady

:D

[BlueIris]

76. Here's hoping she eventually coughs up an address.

You might have to get creative.

[Bassic]

78. I'm working on it.

If all else fails I'll get her drunk, then she'll tell me for sure.

[Road Scholar]

4. I've been totally correct about judging character about

6%. Actually, I've improved up to 5% from last year.
:shrug: :toast:

[BarenakedLady]

37. So there is hope?

LoL.

My trust and judgement factor will remain at 0% for the time being I think. :toast:

[Road Scholar]

86. Yeah, if I live to be a hundred. LOL

:toast:

[buddhamama]

5. yes

and no. i answered no because i do believe there are times in our lives when we place unfair expectations on people and when they do not live up to them we're disappointed.

[BarenakedLady]

12. Absolutely true

And there are always two sides to every story....

[LostinVA]

7. Yes

Don't beat yourself up about it -- some people have very good masks. And some people are sociopaths.

[Sugar Smack]

10. Truer words.

The sociopaths are the ones who do this. I remember feeling really stupid for the longest time after my relationship with one. After some time went by, I decided to realize I was the sane one.

[BarenakedLady]

39. I believe this

was just a case of a good mask. Not a sociopath. Even now I always give the benefit of the doubt.

[MissMillie]

9. I am very consistently wrong about other people

in fact, it's one of the things I am most consistent about.

[BarenakedLady]

40. Well then

We understand each other. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

11. I am truly sorry that happened to you

Sociopaths are the undoing of this world.

:hug:

[BarenakedLady]

41. No

It probably is mostly my fault. This person is not a sociopath. Probably just didn't realize the damage able to be done.

[KitchenWitch]

71. Well, anyone who takes pleasure in another person's pain

has something really wrong with them. IMHO!

:hug:

I hope healing comes swiftly and completely for you.

[lildreamer316]

13. Um, yes.

just this year I invited someone we had met over the internet last year to my house to stay.
BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGG mistake. I was literally scared for my saftey, as well as my child's. VERY much so.
I am an idiot sometimes.

[BarenakedLady]

42. Yikes!

That sounds very scary. I'm glad everything turned out ok. Did it? :hug:

[lildreamer316]

69. Yes..

husband had a stern talk with him and he left. Thank the lord.

[fizzgig]

14. it's not so much your judgement

as it is people who like to fuck around with others. don't beat yourself up over this.

[BarenakedLady]

43. Thanks

I prefer to beat myself up. It's just easier that way.

[crim son]

15. Yes. I learned after years of being treated like shit not to care for

anybody. Then suddenly, I did, and he used me like a piece of trash. No honesty, just lies sustained over a period of months. I feel incredibly stupid and no, I do not plan to fall like that again.

[BarenakedLady]

44. *smooches*

and :hug: and :loveya: but you know all that.

[reyd reid reed]

16. I've made errors in judgement before

when it comes to trusting people. But what's the alternative? To wall yourself away from the world? Not worth it.

Of course, that's my opinion today. Ask me again tomorrow and I'll probably feel differently.

[crim son]

19. No, you are right - you can't walk away from people.

But once the damage is done, it's hard to trust again. I can't imagine my ever doing that.

[reyd reid reed]

20. It's hard...but not impossible.

I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment. I keep subjecting myself to it over and over and over and over again.

Another word for it is 'stupid', but we won't go there.

;)

[BarenakedLady]

45. Just being more careful I guess

Basically I'm an extremely fragile person. I believe I've finally learned my lesson not to open my heart to anyone for now.

[zappa_parappa]

17. I was very wrong about someone once...

Never even dated her, and made it clear I didn't want a relationship, then when I told her we needed to back off, she went off the deep end, started bad mouthing me to everyone, making up lies, tried to pretend she was pregnant...and basically made my life miserable...I lost a lot of friends because of the lies she told, but eventually they all realized she was nuts too.

[BarenakedLady]

48. Sorry that happened to you.

:hug: We all make mistakes I guess.

[ThomCat]

18. I'm related to those people.

When you grow up with manipulative uses you grow up wearing armor. x(

[BarenakedLady]

49. Can I buy some of that somewhere?

Armor I could use about now. :hug:

[ThomCat]

58. If I could pry it off

I'd give it to you. :hug:

[BlueIris]

75. I feel that.

Most of my relatives appear to have been made from weasel-human hybrids.

[ThomCat]

77. Congratulations on not being one of them.

:)

I tried to drag my sister out of that muck, but she decided she liked it. x(

[Phillycat]

21. I'm so sorry, honey.

Yes I have and yes it sucks.

I agree with the others who said anyone's first experience with a sociopath is unbelievable jarring. You don't understand because you're not SUPPOSED to, because you're sane. Walk away and count your blessings. :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

50. It's really not that way

I'm even sorry I posted. It's all my fault. I let myself believe. This person is NOT a sociopath, just didn't realize how fragile I was and how much damage could be done. Really. It's me.

[Phillycat]

60. Huh.

basically rip your heart out and then rub your face in it, with apparent glee no less.

It's really, really easy for me to slip back into denial and blame myself rather than the other person, especially when I'm terrified of being alone.

[BarenakedLady]

63. Maybe my perception is off

as it often is. Maybe it isn't with glee. It just feels that way right now.

But I am also on to blame myself for everything rather than anyone else.

[Phillycat]

65. I can see that.

The day you realize you don't deserve it will be the best day of your life. I pray that it comes very, very soon. :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

99. Self delete

wrong place.

[Madrone]

22. Not lately.

Quite the opposite lately, really.

[BarenakedLady]

51. Good for you.

:woohoo:

[Kerrytravelers]

23. I did just the opposite.

I formed a misinformed opinion of someone and wasn't very friendly towards them. When I realized I had completely misjudged them, it was a bit too late to do much about it. I always felt kind of bad about it.

[BarenakedLady]

52. I always give other people

the benefit of the doubt. Always look for the good in everyone. Sometimes it backfires. Most of the time not.

[GalleryGod]

24. There's a Half Dozen Folks in this community that I missed on by a mile.

I was very surprised how far I was off-the-mark on them.

[BarenakedLady]

54. Glad to know

I'm not the only one.

[plcdude]

25. hey

you all right?

[BarenakedLady]

27. I am

and thank you for asking :hug:

[plcdude]

32. okay

just checking

[Lydia Leftcoast]

26. Yes, in the academic world

Two colleagues I thought I got along well with wrote tenure evaluations blaming me for something that not only was not my fault but which I had worked hard to try to prevent, and also criticized me for failing to carry out a supposed responsibility that was not in my job description and that I had never received funding for.

That really hurt, but I'm over it now, because they unknowingly did me a favor by getting me out of an environment where I wasn't happy.

[BarenakedLady]

55. That was pretty sucky

I'm glad it worked out for you in the end though.

[BlueIris]

74. ...Ew. I'm sorry.

That is terrible. My God.

[EFerrari]

28. Sure. But the deal is to be able to live with YOU at the end of the day.

Isn't it?

:)

[BarenakedLady]

29. Ahh yes good point

Maybe that is the problem after all.

[EFerrari]

31. Your judgment is fine. It's the sonuvabitches that suck.

:)

[L A Woman]

30. I feel your pain

Same thing just happened to me and I still can't believe it. I keep replaying the last year over and over in my mind, continually flabbergasted at how I could have been so very wrong. I think we believe what we want to believe about people and often overlook things that are very obvious to outsiders. The best bet is to listen very carefully to those long-term close friends and family who really love you. If they express concern about your new friend or partner, you'd better pay attention!

Keep your chin up - you're not alone!

[BarenakedLady]

56. Thank you

I think I've realized recently how many friends I really do have. That helps more than anything.

[Guava Jelly]

33. Sorry for your disapointment Bnl

You know you can bend my ear anytime.
My mask is off.

[BarenakedLady]

57. You don't wear a mask

You are you. And for that, I am grateful. :loveya:

[Guava Jelly]

64. Anyone here can ask me anything about me

And as sucky as the answer may be.
I have no reason to lie.

[Z_I_Peevey]

38. Oh darlin', I've taken 'wrong' to new levels...

but, truly, there is NO defense against an intelligent, motivated sociopath. One of the harder lessons I've learned.

Just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually the pain dulls a bit.

[Phillycat]

46. ...

there is NO defense against an intelligent, motivated sociopath.

Truer words have never been spoken.

But one can even recover from that shovel to the back of the head. The human spirit is a remarkable thing.

[BarenakedLady]

59. Time

Heals all wounds, or so I hear. Yes. But really I must emphasize here, It probably is all my fault. This person is not a sociopath. Not at all.

It'll just take time.

[Deja Q]

47. Yes, and unlike you I'm not a good judge of character...

I ususally think people are nice and sincere. :D

Many are. But those that aren't. Ewww.

[BarenakedLady]

61. Well I thought I was...

Hehehe. You do know that I am nice and sincere, right. Because I believe you to be. And there ain't nothing you can say to make be think otherwise....


well probably you could...


but don't, because it would break my heart even more.

:)

[Deja Q]

83. I'm not the type to lie.

And if I tried, it wouldn't take long for someone else to get the truth out of me.

So I don't.

I say how I feel, for better or worse. I do try to be sincere and upfront.

And I do not wish to break your heart.

:)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

53. Oh, yeah, old boyfriend, duplicitous asshole...

Dated this guy for about three years, all hearts and roses and puppy dogs, thought he was The One -- until he dumped me without warning one fine spring day because he was getting it on with somebody in his office and he'd decided he liked her better.

This was a long time ago, and although I haven't seen him since shortly after he dumped me and broke my heart, I still check the obits every now and then to see if he's dead yet. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

He was a Republican, too. I should've known.

[BarenakedLady]

62. LoL

"He was a Republican, too. I should've known."

*snort* Sorry that happened to you.

[BlueIris]

79. I've also been known to check obits for my ex.

In the hope that he's no longer able to inflict himself on others with the same ruinous results his presence in my life inflicted on me. I still keep hoping that he embraces this little concept roughly known as the nobility of suicide soon, before he can make any little copies of himself. There will be two to three fewer abused children in this world if he can work up the guts to...um...yeah, I know how callous that looks to some of you. You didn't know him.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

90. I had one of those!

And worst of all, he dumped me for a woman who was obviously hanging onto her sanity by a thread. :shrug:

A few days before we broke up, he commented to me, referring to her, "She's absolutely fascinating. I wonder what makes her tick."

And I thought, "She's off her meds," but I didn't say anything.

A few days later, DUMP.

[Writer]

66. Yes. And here is my list.

My mother.
My two sisters.
My first step-father.
Many of my friends.
My first boss.
A co-worker at a job of mine.

But in a pleasant way, my father.

I used to be a magnet for those types - some more pathological than others. I am no longer.

[ForrestGump]

67. Sure have

Exactly as you say in that first post, too.

I think many of us have, probably more than once, but being in good company doesn't dilute the pain. A hug can help, a little, though... :hug:



:hug:

[Mz Pip]

68. Totally wrong.

My son's soon to be ex. Geez, did we read her wrong.

Underneath that well tended mask was a selfish using witch.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[idgiehkt]

70. so sorry to hear you've been hurt.

I grew up in a house where I was taught not to see certain things, despite all the evidence there may be to the contrary, and I learned my lessons very well. What can I say. It's ingrained behavior. So if I do get hurt in life, especially in a situation where the warning signs were there but I didn't pick up on them, I'm trying really hard not to beat up on myself on top of that.

It sounds like you've been legitimately wronged and I'm really sorry to hear it. You deserve better. Wish there was something I could say to make it better but I know only time can heal stuff like this. :hug: :loveya: :hug:

[BlueIris]

73. Oh, dear. I'm sorry.

I was fooled like that once before. And the worst part of it is still that I didn't see it coming at all. And what was behind the mask of my "person" basically, as some posters here pointed out...wasn't human. Talk about a shock.

[NC_Nurse]

80. You betcha.

I hate it when I'm wrong and get shafted. It just sucks.
I'm sorry that happened to you. :hi:

[joneschick]

81. first off

:hug:

and then


http://store.unusualthings.biz/50wiwatogetr.html

[Ann Arbor Dem]

82. I am so sorry.

I totally understand. :( :hug:

[XemaSab]

84. I have been there

and now I am on antidepressants. :)

[hfojvt]

85. I have. I believed in this person. Then

she posted her picture and she was wearing clothes :cry:
It was heartbreaking. :cry:



Sorry. I am not trying to make light of your pain. That really sounds like it sucks, although I have never experienced anything like that. I usually get dumped right from the start. I used to think it was my looks, but internet message boards have taught me that my personality sucks too.

Now you know that, almost from the start.

[crim son]

89. Um, your personality doesn't suck.

It's impossible to know somebody over the internet. I can't see your eyes or the tilt of your eyebrows. I don't know what that thing is you do with your hands when you're worried or restless. I don't know anything that interests you beyond what we are allowed to discuss on this board. I can't tell when you're really laughing or just being polite. The only thing I know for certain is that you rock. Don't be criticizing yourself... there are so many out there willing to do the job. :hug:

[southlandshari]

93. damn skippy it doesn't

hfojvt is wonderful, despite his protestations to the contrary!

:hi:

[WhollyHeretic]

87. I have a number of times

I had the worst of them trying to contact me recently. Someone who had been a best friend and completely screwed me over in every way possible. It seems to have caught up to him, he's friendless and can't hold down a job and still obsessed with get rich quick schemes.

I let people like him poison my trust of people for a long time. I finally said fuck it, life is to short to let a few bastards ruin the rest of my personal relationships.

[Drum]

88. Unfortunately, I cannot elaborate right now,

for time reasons, but yes indeed I've misjudged before (as well as assigning myself too much blame for the outcome.) Lessons learnt, and all. It's hard not to simply harden ourselves in protection after that, but then we risk not discovering other joys beyond today...it's indeed a conundrum. Sorry to hear that you were so stung, and hope that the consequences are not heavy or long-wearing for you.

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

91. Nah, Trust Your Judgment

just don't let it be the only evidence you use

[Skittles]

92. nope

I am very accurate in my assessment of people; I think it is something I developed growing up as a GI brat

[InvisibleTouch]

94. Yes, but I was only 14 at the time...

...so I had an excuse. In retrospect it was a good thing, because it made me wise(r) and cautious forever after. I still made and make bad judgments sometimes, but never got suckered to that extent again.

[clyrc]

95. Yes!

I moved to a new country, a new environment, and I knew I needed help getting used to the place. I became friends with several people who seemed so nice and friendly, but with the exception of a few of them, one by one they turned out to be, well, not so nice. If you can have your heart broken by friends, I did. I withdrew from everyone after that, and only last week one of the few women I still like and respect told me that she was hurt because I stopped talking to her. I tried to tell her that it wasn't her, it was the fact that I doubted my judgment and I had to withdraw for my own sanity, but I think she still wonders why I stopped talking to her.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

96. Not any more than people are absolutely wrong about me...

So I try not to get too worked up about it when I'm wrong. :D

[Dangerously Amused]

97. And how.

My heart has been serially cauterized by four of the last five relationships I've had.


I thought I was a good judge of character too. Hah! - I was a complete idiot.


:cry:

[Evoman]

98. No, never. I'm always right about other people that I've met in person.

I have, what has been called many times, an uncanny ability to understand the ambitions and thoughts of other people. Honestly, I think it comes from understanding myself so well. I've even thought about becoming a cold-reading con man, I'm so good (except its wrong...sigh). I have never been suprised by anyone, and part of me is sad about it.....

That being said, I sympathize with you...and whatever you may think, you've probably learned a good lesson...trust yourself, and keep an eye on others. Not only that, but in order to keep some power in any interpersonal relationship, never take off your own mask. Its when you do, that other people punch you in the face. If you study people long enough (eyes, voice, face muscle movements), and if you try to live without lying to yourself, eventually your judgement will get better.

Hang in there lady...your tougher than you think ;)

[Name removed]

100. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Guava Jelly]

101. Oh BNL..

You don't suck at life.
The ignore button works like a charm.
Just stick around you do have people here that like you!
you are such a fun and nice person.
And Heck I like ya :hi: :hug:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

102. ...

:hug:

[raccoon]

103. Yes!

My niece. I always thought she was a nice kid and young adult.

Then one day, the mask came off and the horns came out.

Looking back, I could see times when she said or did something that didn't fit with the rose-tinted view I had of her, and I had just turned a blind eye to those things.

Hindsight is always 20/20...

[nini]

104. Absolutely? .. no

I may have given people too much credit or too much rope to see if they prove otherwise.. but my initial instincts are dead on.

One reason I have very little patience for people I don't get a good vibe about. We learn from our past.

[bleedingheart]

105. unfortunately I have the rare gift of knowing that people are assholes

right away....which sucks...and why do you ask..?? because I normally try to warn people not to get close to the asshole or to trust the asshole...and then the people I am trying to warn tell me..."you are so wrong...why do you say things like that"...and then I shut up...only to be vindicated later and told..."I don't know how you know that much about people"...

I have done it so well and so often that my husband thinks I am scary...

Sadly I have had to supress my gift in order to not depress other people..