I just sent the yearly roses to my MIL even though there's a divorce in progress.

[EFerrari]

How stupid am I? Tell me.

The thing is, I know he won't send her a thing because that's not how he's wired and she's out of state. For all I know, that will be her only present.

And, for the life of me, I can't sit with her not getting a birthday present.

I can tell that I will suck at this whole divorce thing.

[miss_american_pie]

1. Maybe

But you rock at the "being a good person" thing. :hug:

[EFerrari]

2. I just hope I didn't upset everyone all over again.

Oh geeze. Why did we ever crawl out of the mud?

lol

[SeattleGirl]

3. I think it's a sweet and kind thing that you did.

I know divorce is difficult (been there, done that), but I also know that it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the end of all contact with your ex's family. Of course, they have to be willing also, but believe me, it can happen.

[EFerrari]

5. My first divorce didn't end my friendship with my 1st mil.

She was amazing. Our dear Lady. We used to cook for the guys and when they nodded off, she'd mix up daquaris for us and get the cards out. lol

Doug's mom has been much harder to decode. But all I know is that he's her only living relation and that he may not remember her b-day for weeks. So many sensitivities to surf, you just have to plant your foot somewhere. :shrug:

[SeattleGirl]

8. That's true, you do have to plant your foot somewhere.

Wait to see what her reaction is. If it upsets her, back off for awhile. If she's not upset, then maintain contact. I know it's not easy to figure out how people will react to something such as divorce, but they will let you know.

[EFerrari]

13. If I can read what this lady would prefer, I'm flying south

and setting up shop on Venice beach as a fortune teller.

:)

[Debbi801]

4. You're a kind woman...

but I knew that already. :hug: I don't think it is stupid at all.

Although, I've been divorced and remarried for many years and still send my ex-MIL a birthday card each year.

[EFerrari]

6. Because we're no cannibals!

lol


I'm sorry to be a pain but after trying to put myself in their heads, it's hard to tell sometimes what the right (not upsetting) thing is to do.

:hug:

[crim son]

7. You are a good person

and your MIL will remember that. It sounds to me like you are handling the divorce with dignity. Good for you :hug:

[EFerrari]

9. She's 75. How can you subject someone that has put up with

that much humanity to this stuff?

I'm going to pretend this marriage never happened and we're just friends.

lol

[crim son]

11. I'm glad you are able to be a friend.

My MIL hates me now and won't even visit as long as I'm in the house. I'm rather taken aback but oh well.

[EFerrari]

15. Reactions from hell. Where do they come from?

That's what I was thinking about when I posted.

Now, my mom would be gratified to get flowers from my brother's ex. It would just grease the wheels. But my MIL, who knows? Every time Doug has been upset with me, she stopped talking to me just in case.

I think I need to just ignore all that and be civil and respectful of the family -- no matter how wacky that family is.

:rofl:

[Gormy Cuss]

10. Hold on now.

The roses were from whom? I can't remember if you have children with him but the roses are either from all of you, from her grandchildren and their mother, or from her soon to be ex but still considerate DIL, or on behalf of her son who wouldn't get around to it. Don't worry about it. It's a gift made with the best intentions.

[EFerrari]

14. From me. No kids.

Thanks, Gormy. I couldn't figure out if they'd be welcome or just upsetting.

I guess I'll find out. :evilgrin:

/t

[Midlodemocrat]

12. One more reason why I think you are da bomb!

Good on you, B. You're a wonderful person for doing that for her!

:hug:

[EFerrari]

16. I hope it was the right thing.

It's nice to do the right thing every now and then. Gulp.

:hug:

[skygazer]

17. Well, who are you divorcing? Him or his mother?

You're not stupid - if he won't send her anything, it's simply considerate for you to do so. Just because you're divorcing him doesn't mean you need to cut yourself off from her.

Maybe she'll appreciate it - maybe she won't. But you'll know in your heart that you did the right thing. Because that's what it was. :hug:

(My first husband's mother liked me better than him for years after our divorce - and I was the one who initiated it. Now she loves us both)

[EFerrari]

18. In their family, not mine, there is there whole SHAME deal

around divorce.

My family pretty much takes people as they come. His family has all these RULES about when you should be shamed or not.

Why anyone would chose to live like that, I don't know.