Subtle Insults

[SoCalDem]

My son sent me this. Subtle is always best.. Makes dolts think D'oh, after they thank you :)



Subtle Insults
# "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
# "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
# "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
# "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
# "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
# "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
# "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
# "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
# "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
# "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
# "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one."
# "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
# "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
# "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
# "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
# "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
# "He had delusions of adequacy."
# "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
# "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
# "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
# "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
# "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
# "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
# "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
# "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
# "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
# "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination."
# "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

[KitchenWitch]

1. "He/She has a face for radio"

:P

[BOSSHOG]

2. I was always told

in the Navy the one line on a fitness report you did not want was

"typically effective Officer." That was the kiss of death for promotion (even though it does not sound that bad but incredibly subtle I might add.)

My favorite (on one of mine) "staunch supporter of two navy balls."

[AllegroRondo]

8. "Promote with peers" was the kiss of death

on Army evals. Boy, the stories I could tell about some of the reviews I had to edit....

[Nye Bevan]

3. Some back-handed job references....

"He was fired with enthusiasm".

"I can't recommend this person too highly".

"You will be lucky to get this person to work for you".

[HEyHEY]

4. Those are all Bernard Shaw quotes aren't they?

[SoCalDem]

5. I don;t know.. My son emailed them to me unattributed

Some of them surely are :)

[HEyHEY]

6. I think they all are

The one about the theater tickets is an exchange between shaw and churchill

[soleft]

7. I imagine John Gielgud reciting them

The way he delivered

"Normally one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your caliber"

[BOSSHOG]

9. Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your Wine

Madame, If you were my wife, I'd drink it.

I believe Churchill and somebody .... Love those Brits

MY APOLOGIES, THESE TWO WERE NOT VERY SUBTLE AT ALL...