I feel like hell

[DesEtoiles]

Up to the election, I was really involved and I was out and meeting people. I felt like I was doing something important.

Now that I have my weekends back, it leads to sitting around and self-evaluating and that always gives me the blues.

I almost seems worse this time because I was better, I was good, for a long time and I know what it's like to be better. It's just not fair how quickly I can get back to this place.

I did a lot of good things for myself this year. I lost 30+ pounds, I run, I passed the bar exam and I have a good job. I wrote some things that got some public notice in the political arena and I that was cool.

It's one thing to be distracted by the everyday details of life. It's another to constantly be pulling back and saying - did I do things right? Why am I here? How did I get here? Where am I going? Should I be doing something else? I should be doing better. And what the hell does it all mean, anyway? What would I have to do to be satisfied and content? Do I even know what would make me happy? Is there anything realistically attainable that would just fix it all? And I think when you do that there's almost no way you can be happy with where things are or to feel like you a comfortable with your place and direction in life. Unless you are like rich and famous or something like that - then you could probably say, heck ya! I'm doing great! (Well, even the rich and famous Tom Cruise - I don't think he's going great - I think he's going around the bend.) Maybe it's that I'm doing fine, but I want to be doing something special, or even something great.

I have been doing a lot of impulse shopping to soothe my psyche. 4 pairs or brown boots and 2 pairs of black - oh boy. Who needs that many boots?

I need a project. I think I should write a book or something.

What say you, Lounge? How about a pep talk, or some ideas for my book? Something political.

[BikeWriter]

1. Whew, hang in there. I once wrote three books trying to feel better.

[DesEtoiles]

2. did you end up feeling better? Is it going to take me THREE books, more?

[BikeWriter]

3. Events overtook me anyway. I hope you fare better.

[some guy]

4. You might want to look

into some sort of volunteer work.

Find a cause you can support with time and effort. It's similar to what you were doing, so why not do it some more?

:hug:

Writing a book won't ge you out and meeting people, except if you spend time researching aspects of the story.

edit: spelling

[marzipanni]

5. I agree with some guy's reply- you can see what volunteer work is available

in your area that might be interesting to you, with this link
http://www.volunteermatch.org/
(the best way to get your mind off yourself is to get your mind on someone/something else ;) )

[BikeWriter]

6. I hope you feel better today.

[DesEtoiles]

7. Thanks, but

it's been a hard day.

I spent half the day snapping at my family, and the other sitting in the mall parking lot in my car crying.

But I still managed to get a tree, get the lights on it, buy 8 Christmas presents and send out some cards. And now I am being forced to watch the Polar Express for like the third time in two days...urgh.

[BikeWriter]

10. Well, I hope you'll feel better tomorrow then. I'll pester you...

until you do! :-)

[trof]

8. I never self-evaluate.

I have people to do that for me.
If I don't like their evaluation, I fire 'em.

But seriously folks...
Yeah, get involved with something.
Got a local library?
See if there's a Friends of the Library organization, or some such.
Especially if you like to read, it's great to hang out with others who do too.
Or a local environmental group.
The members tend to be more politically aligned with folks like us.
Good luck.

[DesEtoiles]

9. my husband doesn't self-evaluate either

He is totally unburdened by worries that he's not "livin' it right", so to speak.

He's very even keel - so the opposite of me.

[necso]

11. It's hard to be objective

when self-evaluating; and it's especially hard to do so when one is feeling down (this predisposes one to be overly negative, which can make one feel more down, which can lead to a more negative self-evaluation -- and so on). So I'd leave off doing (any more) self-evaluation until your state is more appropriate.

And one must recognize the difference between self-evaluation and second-guessing, self-consciousness, inducing-guilt, etc. Generally, if it makes you feel (more than passing, moderately) bad or you get no larger good from it, then you're doing it wrong -- or at the wrong time (a natural predisposition). Self-evaluation is meant to be enlightening, not harmful.

You have to accept yourself as you are (and make the best of it). But don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're worse than you are. And don't fall into the trap of thinking that if you are to be something, then you have to be it all the time. (For example, one should be prepared to be tough when it's required -- but be ready to be kind, compassionate, etc, when it is not.)

Moreover, one should have realistic expectations. Life is about living (practical) principle, pursuing one's ideals, maintaining a steady rudder and a tranquil state of mind, doing what one should, etc. But it's also about doing what one has to, putting up with all sorts of nonsense, being repeatedly disappointed by one's fellows (and oneself), a great deal of drudgery, etc. And one must recognize what is under one's control and what is not.

So concentrate on those things that are under your control, try to get out from under those that are not, strive for some balance (duty, fun, etc), seek the good things in life (art, nature, good relationships, etc), and try to put some (more) meaning in your life -- without trying to force a great deal of meaning on the many things that do not have it.

Want a relevant political topic? How about "Populist Themes in the 2006 Election"? (2008 campaign blueprint.)

[DesEtoiles]

13. that's very good advice. thanks.

like the book topic, too

[necso]

14. De nada. /nt

[knitter4democracy]

12. Learn to knit. I'll teach ya. It's soothing.

:)

[DesEtoiles]

16. when I'm like this my concentration is shot

but it is good knitting weather

[BikeWriter]

19. I'll see if I can find Skittles. She'll kick your ass if you don't feel better.

[knitter4democracy]

25. That's what scarves are for.

Or hats. Hats are good, short, easy things. :)

[S n o w b a l l]

15. Sorry, but I have to say it...

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize how good you have it. I won't tell you about me but, I'd be happy to trade places with you right now as I'm sure many would.

[DesEtoiles]

17. I feel like it is definitely bad karma

not to appreciate what you have. That's when God says, "You want something to cry about - I'll give you something to cry about!" And then you'll be sorry.

I fully agree with you. All I can say is that sometimes my gut gets disconnected from my rational brain.

[S n o w b a l l]

18. Yep...I understand

You got it, Norma. That self fulfilling prophecy. It happened to me...so many negative things I thought I was, I became. I was so foolish to sink down into that. Please, don't let it happen to you.

[astral]

20. Wow

Sounds like you're trying harder than the average person to do right in every dimension of your life. Shopping therapy? Naw, it's a woman thing. It's okay so long as it doesn't get out of control. If you can afford five pair of brown boots you don't need, 'sokay! So you got a thing for brown boots! I got a thing for too many socks!

But your crying spells could be holiday-related depression, which is kinda normal, I used to get that too. Had to go hide out and cry all the time during the month of December, but things are different now.

In reading between the lines the possible things you didn't say, I wonder if you're having nutritional deficiency problems, which can really give you the blues, or women peri-menopause stuff, which can also be helped nutritionally and the fact that you're exercising is a big step in the right direction. Or, maybe you just need to make time for yourself that isn't all with your family in the boob-tube room, and where you give yourself permission **NOT** to be 'productive,' but to just BE.

Life is good, all of us can do better than we are, no matter what, but is that important? Life is a journey! The end goal is the end of the journey, period, nothing to take with you to the other side except your strength of spirit and your love for all Creation.

I do a LOT less than you, and although there are several things I want to, can, and SHOULDA-DONE-YESTERDAY- improve about myself, I don't beat myself up about things much. I figure I am what I am, which is not what I dreamed I would be 25 years ago, so what can I do about it now? Work on improving the things MY HEART WANTS ME to improve.

You need to learn how to give yourself a loving, truly heart-felt pat on the back!

I do think some of your emotional stuff may be physiologically caused, though, so give yourself a break for that, too!

[Floogeldy]

21. Have you consulted a doctor?

You may be in need of medication and counseling.

[133724]

22. A few things to think about

Q. Did I do things right?
A. Did you do your best?

Q. Why am I here?
A. As a Christian it is because God believes in you.

Q. How did I get here?
A. Because of the choices you made.

Q. Where am I going?
A. Where do you want to go?

Q. Should I be doing something else?
A. What would you like to do?

In Psychology there is the theory of Cognitive Dissonance. This theory says that most mental problems, other than chemical issues, result from the differences between what we believe to be true about the world and what we perceive to be true in the world.

What do you believe about success? Is it the Tom Cruise model or the Sancho Panza model (get married, have children and grow old). Who do perceive as being successful Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Cindy Sheehan, a nurse in Iraq, an attorney doing pro bono work for non-profit startups?

Someone posted the comment here that "life is something that happens to you when you are busy doing something else". I think that the same can be said of happiness. It happens when you aren't looking for it.

Good luck....

On Edit: You might want to see a doctor about this, sometimes your feelings can be caused by a chemical imbalancee that can be very easily corrected. Believe me I know...

[DesEtoiles]

23. also good advice

I have been dieting for about 6 months. It could be, probably is, the case that my body chemistry is unbalanced. Also I don't sleep well at all. Probably I'm run down.

[BlueIris]

24. Not sure this is going to help, but I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME

way. EXACTLY. It's going to be a struggle to get my life into the place it needs to be. I've laid the groundwork, but now I have to start building and that's just going to be so hard. x( Especially because groundwork...doesn't make one feel as secure or confident as it could. Good luck anyway.

[DesEtoiles]

26. same to you

Actually I'm glad I posted something on here because it steadied me a little bit.