"I don't mean to be rude, but have you gained weight?"

[LeftyMom]

Somebody asked me that at work yesterday.

Is it just me, or is there really no non-rude way to ask that question? Am I right to be offended? Should I say something?

Oh, and for the record, I'm on the slender side of things to begin with and I haven't gained any weight. :eyes:

[gemdem]

1. The reply would be

"Well, you are rude. No, I haven't. And where do you get off asking a question like that."

Or something along those lines. :-)

[RoyGBiv]

64. Why, yes, I have ...

Have you stopped bathing?

I used that once in response to a similar inquiry. The look I got twas priceless.

[bridgit]

2. yes i have and i don't mind...

since moving in with hubby who's motto is, 'living well is the best revenge'...putting on a little weight is part of that revenge i guess :rofl:

[VelmaD]

3. Well, considering how they worded it...

they knew they were being rude and you had every right to be rude right back. I hope you told them to a) mind their own business and b) go fuck themself.

[leftofthedial]

4. I don't mean to be rude, but

is that whole thing your ass!?

[gemdem]

7. LOL! Wished I'd have thought of that!

Brilliant!

[SPKrazy]

5. It Was A Dig

not something one says without some menace intended in my opinion.

[SPKrazy]

31. As I've Thought About This

tell em to fuck off!

it's bullshit to say that

[BarenakedLady]

6. Did you kick them?

I would have said "I don't mean to be rude, but have you always been such an asshole?"

[gemdem]

8. That's what I was going for,

but you said it so much better! :hi:

[badgerpup]

13. ....

:spray:
:applause::rofl:

[Orangepeel]

9. unless you are a dancer/cheerleader/trapeze artist and the questioner has to lift you...

there's no non-rude way to ask the question (and no reason to do so)

[graywarrior]

10. My response: I don't mean to be rude, but go ef youself.

[Left Is Write]

11. The answer to that --

"If you don't mean to be rude, then don't be."

[Lex]

12. Why the hell does anyone need to ask that in the first place?

I don't get it. Slender or no, there's no reason for anyone else to ask if someone's gained weight.

Weird.


______________

[crim son]

14. I would have acted surprised and told her that no, I was actually down a size

and I'm suddenly fitting into clothes I haven't been able to wear for a year.

[SPKrazy]

16. Good ONe!

:hi:

[sasquatch]

15. Pics, Pics we must see pics

You hot momma you.

[LeftyMom]

20. Dude, if I were any fatter I'd have a harpoon sticking out of my ass. See?

This is the most recent (non-deletable) full body shot I could find. I've lost a bit since.



122 lbs of pure fat there. The horror. :scared:

[BarenakedLady]

25. OMG you heifer!

:eyes:

I love that pic. Is there a Farm Sanctuary out there in CA? I've been to the one here in NY a couple of times. I really need to take my kids there this Spring.

:hi: :hug: :loveya:

[LeftyMom]

52. Yeah, it's up in Orland, which is about two hours north of me.

A bunch of friends of mine went to the one in Ithaca, but I didn't have the cash for the trip.

[BarenakedLady]

54. It takes me about an hour or so south to get there.

I love that place. Somewhere I have a picture of me rubbing a big pig's tummy. LoL. And I once visited the turkey I adopted for my mom one year for Thanksgiving. (it has since passed on :( )

Yes, CA to NY is not a short nor cheap trip. Hope you get to come sometime.

[sasquatch]

61. I was hoping for something in a bathing suit

:cry:

[TOhioLiberal]

17. My response:

No offense, but are you a natural jerk, or were you brought up to be like this?

[Gold Metal Flake]

18. It's a dig.

Happen at work, eh? There are those who are quite good at sticking the knife in when you least expect it. To call them on it results in fake shock and maybe a trip to HR where you will be labled as "difficult". Consider yourself forwarned for repeat performances.

[LeftyMom]

19. Yeah. That's my concern.

Anywhere else, the response would be "no and fuck off for asking" but you can't really say that to a coworker.

[Gold Metal Flake]

27. Not in so many words.

But one can dig right back with something like "I know! I have been slamming a quart of Vodka a day for a coupla years now and it's starting to show. Oh, I got a meeting. See ya!"

Me, I usually think of the good retorts AFTER the tantrum. They are much less effective that way. :-(

[raccoon]

43. How about, "How does that concern you?"

Which is certainly a more polite answer than is deserved.

[idgiehkt]

21. tell them you are doing it for your boyfriend because he's an ass man?

I don't know, this kind of thing drives me absolutely insane, and there has to be a good way to deal with it. I can't stand for anyone to comment on my appearance in either a negative or positive fashion. I am a very shy person and it mortifies me especially if there are other people around because all of a sudden everyone turns and looks. My sister delights in commenting on my weight, not when I've gained, but when she pretends to think I've lost, which I haven't, because my weight is stable for the most part, but for some reason she loves to say "have you lost weight" at the top of her voice in a room full of people. I told her 20 years ago it drives me crazy to all of a sudden have a room full of people checking me out, but she never quit doing it. I think the Japanese have a great policy of not commenting on people's appearance in general. The worst was when I lived in SC and the women I worked with were constantly on diets and just more competitive than any where I've lived and they thought nothing of asking me what size my clothes were. I couldn't believe that, that is the rudest thing I've been exposed to... but I was constantly being asked "what size are those jeans", etc.

[LeftyMom]

23. The thing is, I haven't gained a pound.

I'm small and a bit short waisted, so if I do it's noticable, but I really haven't put on a speck of weight.

[Gold Metal Flake]

29. Ya gotta stop thinking about yourself. The cut has nothing to do with you, really.

This is anger on their part. Anger at what? Who gives a fuck? It's their internal fuckup directed outward and any target will do as long as it's a blindside. The problem is when their cuts make you question yourself. They want that.

Remember the Seinfeld episode with the guy who made cutting little remarks that people laughed off at first? They played the remark over and over until it drove them into a rage. George was called "no neck" or "no chin". Elaine was called "big head". Don't play that game. This has absolutely nothing to do with you, other than you were a convenient target for a drive-by from a neurotic asswipe.

[idgiehkt]

33. yes

I've heard a good way to handle it is to be really nice in return like saying "I don't think so. Thanks for noticing, though, I really appreciate it."

[ganeshji]

22. I would have said one thing...

"Why do you ask?"
Be prepared for silence or a stupid ass reason.

[Gold Metal Flake]

28. idgiehkt's respons is brilliant, but yours is best.

It's classic, and puts the spotlight right back where it came from. It's also honest and not insulting. The bad feelings they get from such a response come from inside themselves. Hee hee!

[Gormy Cuss]

37. In a similar vein, "How kind of you to ask."

because it wasn't kind at all. If it gets no emotional response it was a complete waste of effort.

[WindRavenX]

24. I would tell them to fuck off

It's none of their fucking business.

And, since it's such a personal question, I'd maybe follow up with this doozy: "I don't mean to be rude, but have you recently contracted genital herpes?"

That'd shut them up.

[amitten]

26. "No. Jealous?"

That's what I would've said. I'm petite (athletic) and often more "voluptuous" women like to make snide remarks. Remarks like, "You could use a sandwich" and "Do you have to shop in the Juniors department?" They're just jealous and it's sad. They like to make it seem like I'm some freak for actually being in good shape and they're the "normal" ones for being like 20-30 lbs. overweight.

Put the fork down and shut the fuck up.

[grace0418]

30. What kind of idiot asks a question like that? And how does it make it any

less rude to say "I don't mean to be rude but..."

Sorry, I didn't mean to jam my foot up your ass.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

32. "You're right. You are rude."

You don't owe this person any answer beyond that. S/He should be ashamed of him/herself for putting you in a position where you beel obligated to reply.

Just say it without allowing your emotions to tint the words. You're just stating a fact.

[grace0418]

34. "I'll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for ignoring the question."

If you're trying to be diplomatic, that is.

[pokerfan]

35. Heinlein said it best, I think

regarding a similar preamble to a nosy or rude question:

The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: “Of course it is none of my business but–” is to place a period after the word “but.” Don’t use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.

[mykpart]

36. "No, but you really look sick. Are you feeling bad?"

"Are you sure you're not sick? You really look as if you feel terrible."

[Ikonoklast]

38. I would probably say something on the order of

"I know that it's not rudeness that makes you ask questions of a personal nature. It's your feeble intellect, bless your heart."

Always make sure you say the "bless your heart" part, as that way you can slide the knife in without getting in trouble for it.

[July]

39. I like the Miss Manners response to questions like this:

"I beg your pardon?" FULL STOP. Stand there looking at the fool, who will then repeat himself, try to explain, and generally further make an ass of himself. You are not required to supply information to someone (including the fact that the person is incorrect) just because he asks. Then you walk away.

[Phillycat]

47. Exactly right.

Couple that with looking at them like they have two heads, and then walk (not stalk) away.

[NMDemDist2]

40. "no, it's called winter clothes, but thanks for asking"

:eyes:

geez....

[cwydro]

41. I hate people like that

and I work with an office full of them...

[merh]

42. I tend to not mind such

comments as gaining weight just happens - like hair loss for some.

folks who make the comments aren't necessary at the top of my list any way. :shrug:

[Orsino]

44. "I'm sorry that you were accidentally rude." n/t

[KittyWampus]

45. LeftyMom, this person did you a favor. Now you know for sure they are an asshole

So don't let it worry you/ just ignore it and get back to work. :)

They must be insecure and felt a need to dig at someone.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

46. Maybe you need to get a thicker skin.

:shrug:

[Phillycat]

48. Did you read the OP? She hasn't gained any weight.

She is skinny - 122 pounds. And having a bad day isn't grounds for being insulting to someone else - especially at work.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

49. I did read it.

Hence the reply.

[Zavulon]

50. "I was going to ask you the same thing, actually."

That would have been my reply.

[Maine-ah]

51. oy, some people are just asses.

[DixieBlue]

53. Why do people feel the need to ask that anyway?

And I'm sorry, but it's rude however a person phrases it. It's nobody's business.

[NewWaveChick1981]

55. What a rude idiot!

:grr: It's none of their damn business no matter what. You wouldn't have said, "I don't mean to be rude, but why are you so ugly?" :nuke: :mad: Some people are just boors.

[ScreamingMeemie]

56. "No, your head's just gotten fatter..."

What an ass.

[Nickster]

57. Holy Crap! I can't imagine even having the guts to ask questions like that. I can't even compliment

someone on losing weight because I'm always afraid that it will make them self conscious or what-not. "Did he think I was fat before?"

[NewWaveChick1981]

58. I know what you mean.

I never do anything like that. If I think someone I know pretty well has lost weight, I'll say, "You look great!" I don't usually comment on someone's appearance, though.

[JitterbugPerfume]

59. Yes it is rude

Overweight people KNOW they are fat (I have gained a bit recently)the last thing we need is to be reminded by well meaning "friends"

[Dastard Stepchild]

60. I have had people do that to me....I've found a solution for me...

Whenever someone asks about weight, I am immediately suspect. Probably due to my first 15 years of life living as a fat kid. I know how awful people can be.

Soooo.. they want a reaction. And if you don't give them a reaction, they'll step it up and get even more obnoxious. At first. But I have found that lack of reaction is always the best response.

A semi-verbatim exchange that took place about a year ago:

Ass: Um, did you, like, put on weight? Those jeans don't look good on you.
Me <blank, emotionless face>: Nope.
Ass: Because you don't look right in those jeans.
Me <blank, emotionless face and slight head bob>: Huh.
Ass: I should ask Suzy what she thinks.
Me <blank, emotionless face>: Ok.
Ass: Hey Suzy, don't these jeans look weird on her.
Suzy <blank, emotionless face>: I don't know.
Me <blank, emotionless face>: Huh.
Ass: ....
Me <blank, emotionless face>: ....
Ass: ....
Me <blank, emotionless face>: ....

And then she walked away, having to IMMEDIATELY attend to some task.

:)

[struggle4progress]

62. Search the internet for five or ten rare deadly diseases that cause uncontrollable weight gain.

Invent a number of imaginary friends and relatives who have died from one of these diseases.

Then practice saying things like "OMG! Am I gaining weight? Do you think I have horrid-condition-X? Cousin Gustav contracted that from a coworker. It was awful: he was always as thin as a zipper, and then he started swelling up like a blimp and suddenly one day he was dead" until you can master exactly the right breathlessly shocked, slightly hysterical tone.

The next time you are asked, deliver one of these well-practiced lines. (Hang your head, sniff, and wipe your eyes slightly for extra effect.)

[astral]

63. My answer's here, but how about:

"I was just going to ask you the same question but I thought better of it."