I HATE getting the "let's just be friends" talk

[Connonym]

Is there anything in the world more humiliating than that?

[JVS]

1. Oh no!

:popcorn: :hide:

[Zavulon]

2. Probably not, but have you ever had to sell it yourself?

I've gotten the talk and I've given it, but giving it was actually harder.

[Singular73]

3. Posting that it happened to you on the internet?

[Oeditpus Rex]

15. Nice

Way to demonstrate your capacity for compassion, ace. :eyes:

[BarenakedLady]

17. Way to go...

:eyes:

[Connonym]

25. Funny, that doesn't humiliate me at all

Telling you all is like telling my friends. I have no problem with that.

[LaraMN]

52. Well, it's no worse than posting for the sake of being a gianormous dick.

:spank:

[kay1864]

54. ...

:thumbsup:

[amitten]

4. Yeah, the "I really don't like you, please buzz off" talk. I have had

to give the "let's just be friends" talk to a few guys.

Hey, I can't help it if I'm not attracted to them. What am I supposed to do...be their girlfriend out of sheer pity? :eyes:

At least offering to continue a friendship shows respect.

[hfojvt]

32. Yeah, restraining orders are worse.

Better to be my girlfriend out of pity than to be 'La Belle Dame sans Merci' (the pretty lady without pity).
But then I would say that love is more of a choice than an attraction.

[RedStateShame]

5. PEOPLE STILL DO THAT?!

:wow: :wow: :wow:

I thought that went the way of the Trapper Keeper and Brian Austin Green. Although, the "no, I'm more interested in your relative/friend/wingman than you" talk is just as degrading, if not more so.

[billyskank]

6. Yep. It sucks.

:(

[ghostsofgiants]

7. Well...

There's always the "Hey! We should hang out! Wanna go for ice cream or watch a movie?" and then when you say yes, they suddenly fall off the face of the earth and never have time to talk to you anymore. What's weird is that wasn't just a one-time thing, a few girls have done that with me. x(

I've done the "let's just be friends" thing once, and we are actually good friends now.

[crispini]

8. Yes, having to GIVE the "let's just be friends talk"

to somebody whom you have tried every which way from Sunday to DISCOURAGE from forcing you to that point but still persists in asking you out and thereby forcing you to give them said talk and making absolutely everything awkward as hell. I mean, honestly, guys, if you tell a woman you find her really attractive and her reaction is, "Yeah, whatever," then your logical next step should NOT be asking her out on a date.

[crim son]

12. ...

:thumbsup:

[billyskank]

18. Some of us are just really thick.

:(

[crim son]

20. But lots of you are awfully cute

so we forgive you. :loveya:

[hunter]

9. If only I'd been so lucky!

It would have meant there had been at least some small potential at some time for something more...

All the women I knew were "just friends" right from the start, even those I dated.

Until I met my wife.

[Brewman_Jax]

10. I can think of one...

you aren't bad. You're really nice, but there's this other guy I've known longer and I'd like to see how that goes.
:(

Actually had that happen, after I thought this could have gone somewhere.

Having to give the "let's be friends" talk is a close 2nd.

[BikeWriter]

11. It's really bad when you've been married ten or twelve years.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. That's when you say,

"Sorry...My friends don't treat me the way you have."

[Taverner]

13. Nope

I had a full speech of snark memorized for moments like that...

[crim son]

14. Personally I hate the "I'm your soulmate and I think of you

every minute of every day and she knows that" kind of dismissal. What am I, a farking moran? (yes) Way to keep your options open, asshole.

edited for typo

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. Well, if you were a good little girl, you'd believe him.

And wait for him. Until mould sprouts forth from your nostrils. ;-)

[crim son]

30. That's what I did/am doing.

No mold yet but I've ceased to move.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. Not healthy, hon...

:hug:
You deserve better...
:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. the last person i dumped i said we cant be friends...i dont like to have classless friends.

so there are worse things to say

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

49. Well, that was classless.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

56. no it wasnt. the person did something classless. this made me dump them and say we cant be friends.

[BarenakedLady]

19. It sucks

Being on both ends of that talk sucks. Being on both ends of that talk within a month of each other...priceless. :sarcasm:

[crim son]

21. OMG.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

22. Especially when

You give the talk and then get the talk...

And here we are...

:hug:

[crim son]

24. Here we are,

still. Resignation isn't my thing and I'm going to lose it pretty soon.

[GOPisEvil]

23. Ouch.

:(:hug:

[mduffy31]

28. How about this one

You get text messages from the girl who you accidentally fell in love with, when she is with her new boyfriend, to cancel a sitdown that we had planned so I could get a few things off of my chest regarding the two of us.

[Evoman]

29. I haven't gotten that talk since I was 18.

But I'm pretty good at telling if other people find me attractive. Lol...and I have a way of making people think they are attracted to me. I've had to say "lets just be friends" more than a few times myself, though.

Some people just don't seem to get the game. They find somebody they like, put all their attentions on to that one person, and then gush their feelings. There is no dumber move....it just seems entirely too pathetic. And then they seem suprised that they get the "lets just be friends" line.

[lildreamer316]

36. I agree..

I guess many other people just don't possess the ability to be able to sense what's up. I figure if you are patient and observant enough; you'll figure out what is going on. But if your needs and desperation (NOT Saying the OP was desperate! Please!) blind you; you won't see it coming. Of course it's hard to correct that kind of behavior when you aren't really aware of it.
Then; sometimes you're just wrong..or you don't have all the info.
But most of the time; if you keep quiet and observe; you will learn more; and be able to see what's up.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

43. It doesn't always happen that way though.

A lot of the time, you start out as friends, and then later develop feelings for the other person. That's not "not getting the game" at all.

[Evoman]

44. Dupe

dupe

[Evoman]

45. Thats fine....but what do most people do when they are in this situation.

They tell their friend that they "love them" or otherwise gush their feelings. The other person, understandably uncomfortable, gives them the "Lets be friends".

Under no circumstances is it useful. And I talk from experience...one of my ex best friends is now my girlfriend of almost 3 years. I did not gush on her, or tell her I liked her. I VERY subtely played "the game", demonstrated my value without gushing or suprising her, and then, when we were together once, I kissed her. No talk, just action.

You just can't get away from it. There are certain things that are attractive, and certain things that are not. Gushing your emotions is not one of them. Its a ticket to single-ville, especially if your a man.

[LostinVA]

48. Yup -- agreed

[idgiehkt]

46. roflmao

that would be me. This 'game' you speak of...enlighten me. PM me if you want to. I've been doing it wrong my whole damn life apparently.

:rofl:

[Pacifist Patriot]

33. I can think of a few things that are equivalent...

but nothing in the "more" category. Ouch!

[Nikia]

34. What's so bad about being friends?

If that's what they really mean. You should respect people enough who you care about to respect their feelings. You cannot force someone to love you. The fact that they enjoy your company enough to want you around is something. Humiliating would be someone saying "Get away from me a***ole and never speak to me again." in a public place.

[Left Is Write]

37. What's humiliating about it is that the person rarely really means it.

They don't want to be friends - they are just trying to let you down easily. It's condescending, like getting a pat on the head. "Don't worry, I'll still deign to talk to you when I see you out and about."

[_testify_]

55. YES!

I was trying to think of my response to this...and you nailed it.

I think if someone says 'Let's just be friends' the response should be 'Great. Loan me $50!'

[Connonym]

58. Nothing wrong with friends but the transition from lover to "just friends"

not so good for the ego. If the relationship is over, it's over. Why pretend you want to be friends when all you really want is to not feel guilty about ending it? Or worse, use it as a way to leave your options open while dating other people. That's the part I object to. Maybe it does make me a loser to tell the internet that I got dumped and I feel hurt. But I do feel very hurt.

[Dukkha]

35. it's easier and more fun to just be enemies.

I have no desire to be friends with any of my exes. The constant awkwardness and dwelling on the past isn't worth it. Plus most of the time they're lying to you when they say that. If they're looking to downgrade you to friend status then it usually means they already have and are seeing someone else. The easy transfer to friendship is to ease their guilty conscious, not to help your broken heart which they just stomped all over.

[JVS]

38. Aye.

[LibDemAlways]

39. How about the "I don't want to be friends" talk?

Back when my daughter was in 3rd grade she had a playground spat with another kid. Within the next few days they made up and my daughter asked if her friend could come over to play. I had always been friendly with the other girl's mom and called her up to happily announce that the kids had made up and to set up a playdate. The mom came back at me with "No. That friendship is over and so is ours." No further explanation. I was completely blindsided and it still hurts to think about years later. Nothing quite like being unceremoniously dumped for no apparent reason.

[BreweryYardRat]

40. Not much worse. Man, that SUCKS.

[jrandom421]

41. My reply

"If I wanted to be "just friends", we wouldn't be going out to dinner and a play! We'd be at home with delivery pizza and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" on VHS!"

Hated that phrase, and I still do. If you have no desire to be my significant other, I sure as hell don't want you hanging around as a "friend". Friends (and a lot better quality of friends than ex-girlfriends), I have plenty of. I'm just short of a significant other. (Or I was at the time.)

[sakabatou]

42. Yeah...

but I'm used to getting that.

[PVnRT]

47. To quote Chris Rock:

"You know what a male friend is? A dick in a glass jar. Break open in case of emergency."

In other words, now you're a possible drunken late night booty call. Rawk.

[otherlander]

50. Why even bother?

Why not just come out and say it? "I'm breaking up with you." At least show enough respect to be honest about it.

[kwassa]

51. Not so much humiliating as it is disappointing

Rising expectations and hopes suddenly deflated.

Being attracted to someone who is not attracted back is the bane of youthful romance. As I got older, I got wiser. The old learning curve.

The only time I got it later was in a so-called committed relationship. It ended right there, and created the only ex I never remained friends with.

[Jimbo S]

53. Hang in there!

Been there myself. Give it time and someone new will come around.

We have a lot of good people in our neck of the woods.

[HEyHEY]

57. The "your cock is too small" talk?