I'm having a bad nite

[boston bean]

I'm confused, angry, disappointed, sad, and wide awake.

We had to move my son out of a school because of some bullying.

He had just started going to that school, never had problems in the past, he is a good looking, athletic, not an a student, not even b student, but all around good kid who loves sports and school.

Well, in this new school, things are going great, as far as I can see.

Tonite, I get on the computer to get on du, it's around 1015 I would say and an im pops up.

It is from a kid my son went to school with previously, but not at the school we took him out of or the one he is attending now. He starts writing this shit, stuff about the reasons we took him out of the old school for, he is threatening him. I did make a couple of replies when it started getting real bad, but I did not tell him who I was. I had typed in a message to tell him, but his messages were coming at such a quick pace and I didn't know what to do for fear my son would kill me. I had to think quick, but I couldn't, I just didn't know what to do.

So I basically let this kid go on and on.

Then I did something I don't know if I should have, I called this kids father at 11pm. I got him out of bed. He listened, what could he say when I read him the email, full of slurs and swears and threats.

Then he calls me back and tells me that his son says he didn't write the ims, that he wasn't on im, he was on the puter doing homework.

His father did say that his son's im screen name was the one I said. I told him that I was not this kid's parent, but I felt his son was not telling him the truth and I gave him some additional information that basically confirmed it was his son, I don't know how denial will help him deny it was his son after the information I gave, but you never know.

I guess what I am so sick about is that the change of schools did not end this shit, a kid who wasn't at the school where it began and who doesn't attend the same school now, is iming with this shit. What they are doing to my son is very damaging to him.

Also, I know that I can't protect my son from everything and I struggle with each decision I have made regarding this, including this kids father tonite.

I just don't know what the fuck to do. I'm hurting for my baby!

[KurtNYC]

1. First....

:hug:

your story moved me.

I switched high schools during those years and it was the new school that gave me problems. There were some serious losers in my neighborhood whose parents treated them pretty poorly. So when I had a paper route to do they were in the streets, looking to take out their insecurities on someone. They used to hunt me like a pack of dogs. No reason really, just that I kept a regular schedule and they had nothing better to do with their lives.

Did you save the IM exchange?

[boston bean]

2. yes, I have the exchange.

I'm just lost with this. I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

:hug:

[KurtNYC]

10. It didn't continue and I survived

You addressed the other boy's father and in spite of his denials, he should now have some clue that this is going on. I don't know how comforting a thought this is but boys just have a whole weird pecking order thing that gets challenged constantly. There is a book that talks in depth about the world that boys live in and the dynamics of what they are confronting.... lemme google out a section of it...


Here. This is William Pollack - author of "Real Boys"

Dangerous bullying and our tolerance of it, argues Pollack, is a national disgrace. Every day over 160,000 children miss school because of fears – or acts – of bullying. In a recent CDC study, 81% of students admitted to bullying their classmates, while 75% of adolescents nationally admitted that they had been bullied during their teen years. The boys Pollack spoke with described school as a place where you cannot let your feelings show for fear of ending up humiliated, seriously injured or dead. In REAL BOYS’ VOICES, Pollack offers practical advice on how to deal with bullies, what to do if your child is a bully and what to tell your child if he is being bullied. Pollack also reveals how homophobia and boys’ insecurity about their sexuality is at the root of much of the painful teasing and bullying that boys so often endure.

http://www.williampollack.com/voices_intro.html

Some of his advice on bullying starts here:
http://www.williampollack.com/voices_advice.html

[boston bean]

14. Thank you so much, I will get the book, that is the best bit of information

I have received yet.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

3. If the kid is threatening your son physically,go to the police.

It's not surprising that the parents of a bully would be in denial. That's how the kid got to be a bully to begin with.

The school system may be able to help, as well.

I'm sorry you and your son are going through this. :hug::hug::hug:

[boston bean]

4. This kid doesn't even go to the same school now with my son

he is just reiterating shit that came from other kids that he knows from a previous school. Confusing huh, I'm sorry.

I hope his father will take care of this. I'm not at the point to call the police right now. I may be in the future.

I just don't know how to handle some of this shit. It didn't happen to me in school, except on a small level. If I did it to others it was minimal, just bitchy girl stuff.

I guess I wish I knew if I should just ignore this shit as kids stuff, am I making it worse by being an overly concerne mother, is that possible.

I'm trying to work my way through this the best I can. I can't come up with good answers.

[u4ic]

5. I'd notify the cops

I'm so sorry that's happening to your son. :hug:

[boston bean]

6. see the post above, I don't know if I'm at that point yet.

Thank you for you hugs.

[SPKrazy]

7. That's Serious Shit Really, Illegal In Fact

terroristic threatening

:pals:

Just because it is on the computer doesn't mean you can't turn him in to higher authorities than his dad.

[boston bean]

8. this is some of the stuff he wrote:

everyone says ur GAY

after school at 4:00 ill be near the
basketball hoops dont wuss out


IM SERIOUS

U WONT SHOW I NO IT

K FUCKA'

hahaha

meet ya there

after school at 4:00 ill be near the
basketball hoops dont wuss out


ill be lookin if u dont
show....................................you will see wat happens


fucka

[SPKrazy]

9. Schools Have Bullying Policies

I'd take it to his principal

he needs to be given a lesson in right and wrong

[Kutjara]

13. I think using a computer or cellphone to convey threats...

....makes it worse. It becomes a Federal offense to use the telecommunications network to make threats. The prospect of junior getting a Federal criminal record may wake his dad up a bit.

[idgiehkt]

11. a couple of thoughts

I wouldn't reply back like that in the future, especially under someone else's IM, like your son's because it could be construed as misrepresenting stuff and could muddy the waters. Also, I screen shot just about everything anymore when I have something on the computer like that, I'm almost compulsive about taking screen captures because it's a picture of how the screen looked with the time, etc, harder to fake than other methods of saving stuff.

Something I just thought of, I don't know about IM's but just about all e-mail goes through VA which makes it a federal thing.

[boston bean]

12. Yeah, I felt bad about replying back, I replied twice and I know

I shouldn't have, but it hit such a nerve with me.

I had actually typed in a message that it was his mom and he sent a message that really tweaked me, so I erased mine, and he just kept going on and on. Plus I figured it was my computer, that I pay for.