Best new joke you've heard?

[bif]

Mine will take a while to type. In the meantime, please post yours.

[bif]

1. Two guys walk into a bar...

Sign ovrr the bar say "All drinks 10 cents". So they order 8 Martinis. They take a sip, best Martinis they've ever had. Bombay Saphire Gin, perfect temperature. So they ask the bartender, "What's the deal with the cheap drinks?" He says, " A couple years ago, I won the Lotto. $55 millikon. So I always thought it would be fun to own a bar. And being a bartender seemed like a fun job. So the money doesn't mean anything to me." the guy says, "So you mean drinks are 10 cents for everyone in the bar?" The bartender says yes. "So what about those old folks in the corner?" "Oh, they just got back form Florida, they're waiting for Happy Hour to start."

[meegbear]

13. I don't get it

[jmowreader]

2. Golf lessons?

Two men are playing golf behind a foursome of women.

Three of the women are doing very well, but one's having a hell of a time. Every shot she hits goes somewhere she doesn't want it to.

Finally, as pissed off as can be at her bad game, she approaches the men behind her.

"Those fucking lessons I took this winter haven't helped me one bit! Do you have any ideas?"

'Yes, ma'am. Next time, take golf lessons.'

[Sanity Claws]

3. It has to do with Brazilians

Anyone here know that one goes?

[Little Wing]

4. There's a new over-the-counter medication for Tourettes Syndrome

It's called "GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING SHITBAG!"

ask for it by name!

[suzbaby]

8. ....

:rofl:

[dropkickpa]

5. Why don't snakes have balls?

Because very few know how to dance!*

Ba-dum-pum-pshhh!

I'll be here all night, folks!















*you were thinking about snake nuts, weren't you?

[itsmesgd]

6. Two Irish guys walk out of a bar...

Just kidding, who ever heard of an Irish guy walking out of a bar.

[meegbear]

12. A dislexic guy walks into a bra

[crim son]

7. Have you heard they've discovered a new element?

It's called "Afraidium." It's yellow, and it tastes like chicken.

:eyes: The STBE is a physicist & this is what constitutes humor around our dinner table. :eyes:

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. Here's one I just wrote: How are Marilyn Monroe and Anna Nicole Smith alike?

A. They're both dead.

the the follow up:

Q. How are their deaths different?

A. Marilyn's death was sad, and the world is worse off without her.




What do you all think? Yeah, maybe it isn't funny, but it has that Bill Hicksian edge of truthy propheticness to it, don't it?

[nuxvomica]

14. Reminds me of a great Marilyn Monroe quote I just heard

"Ever notice that 'what the hell' is always the right decision?"

[BreweryYardRat]

10. A limerick okay?

There once was a mathematician named Hall
Who had a hexahedronical ball
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker's, plus eight
Is his number-give him a call.

[marzipanni]

11. Here's a cartoon I like