I have never asked for Lounge Vibes before. Today, I am so humbled. And twofold.

Dangerously Amused

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Sat Mar-17-07 09:15 PM
Original message

I have never asked for Lounge Vibes before. Today, I am so humbled. And twofold.

Edited on Sat Mar-17-07 09:55 PM by Dangerously Amused

For the past two weeks I've been coming to the Lounge with a bit more motivation than usual in seeking diversion from life's more trying moments. Today is different. Today I seek not diversion, but community. Two sets of circumstances prompt my imposition on your kindness, each very much in need of any positive energy you can muster:

First, for my best girlfriend since grade school, Annie, her husband Tim and their family:

Annie and Tim married shortly after college. Both worked until Annie had their first child, a wonderful and sweet special needs kid. They decided to live on one income so Annie could stay home to care for their child. Shortly thereafter Tim started having serious health issues and endured several difficult and painful years. Eventually he became permanently disabled, though fortunately he was still able to work and enjoy life. Things seemed to stabilize thereafter and they had another beautiful child. Just recently, however, Tim’s health problems have returned with a vengeance in the form of a chronic auto-immune disorder. The family very nearly lost Tim in January. They pulled him through and he is holding his own at the moment, but his health is still compromised and he is now significantly more susceptible to serious health issues in the future.

Annie was a rock through the worst of times, but now that the height of Tim’s crisis has passed she herself is succumbing to the stress. She still lives with the very real chance that she will lose Tim to his health issues, and beyond that she is worried about providing for her family, especially having been out of the workforce for so many years. She is trying to support her husband’s increased health and emotional needs, her special needs kid’s special (and regular) needs, both her children’s increased stress from watching their parents in distress, and her own all-of-this-on-top-of-midlife-crisis-time needs.

Her anxiety level is off the charts and she is trying to hold herself and her family together while experiencing debilitating panic attacks, chronic insomnia, crying jags and many of the other accouterments of anxiety/depression.

So for Annie, Tim and their family, any prayers / meditations / vibes you can offer would be most gratefully received.

The second request is for my brother.

This is so, SO much more complicated than I can even begin to explain. So I will give you the very basics: My brother has no family other than my sister, my Mom and me. He has been in ICU/critical for just over two weeks. He is conscious but non-communicative, very weak, and undergoing a daily routine of unpleasant medical treatments. The doctor gives him a 50/50 shot at making it through this health challenge without being kept alive via permanent mechanical life-support.

If he does make it to where he can survive on his own, his life will - not might, but will due to brain damage - be such that he will be non-communicative, unable to feed, dress or toilet himself, and essentially wheelchair bound in a nursing home for the rest of his days.

My brother did not have anything like an advanced health care directive before this crisis, so we do not know what decisions he would make for himself in this position.

Today we (Mom, who is his legal guardian now, sister and I) discussed his medical options with his doctor. Due to his condition, prognosis and insurance limits, the hospital will no longer keep him past Monday and he will have to be transferred to an alternate (read, “cheaper” and less staffed) care facility.

The doctor offered today to immediately place him on “comfort care” only, if that is what we wished. ”Comfort care” means that all life-support means will be removed and he will be placed on morphine and any supplementary medicine to keep him pain-free while his body slowly shuts down over the course of several days. Alternately, and with a few additional medical instrumentations we can keep him alive in this state for an indeterminate and probably lengthy period of time.

Our basic options: Watch him die, or watch him continue to suffer.

After a great deal of heart-wrenching debate, we decided to give him the weekend to see how he does. If he shows improvement by Monday morning he will be transferred to a nursing facility and we will continue to monitor his health. However, if by Monday he shows no improvement or if his health declines…

…the he will be transferred to a hospice, with comfort care only. And we will experience his death with him sometime this week.

So I am asking for your prayers and meditations for us, his family, to be guided by wisdom in making whatever decision is truly in his best interests, and more importantly for him, for as peaceful and painless an existence as possible, and for a safe passage if that is inevitable.

I thank you with all my heart now for any kindness you may offer, as I do not when I will be able to return to this thread to thank you directly.

Edit: To fix an odd Spell Check auto "correction."