OffWithTheirHeads
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Sun Apr-08-07 11:15 AM
Original message |
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> Oil Change instructions for Women: > 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil > change. > > 2) Drink a cup of coffee. > > 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. > > > Money spent : > Oil Change $20.00 > > Coffee $1.00 > > Total $21.00 > > =================================================== > > Oil Change instructions for Men: > > 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, > filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00 > 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. > 3) Open a beer and drink it. > 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. > 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. > 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. > 7) Place drain pan under engine. > 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. > 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. > 10) Unscrew drain plug. > 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. > > 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty > litter on spilled oil. > 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. > 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. > 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and > twist off. > 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere > from holes. > > Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental > penalties. Drink a beer. > 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket > surface. > 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. > 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. > 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. > 21) Drink beer. > 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty > litter on oil spill. > 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. > 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag > used to clean drain plug. > > Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on > frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. > 25) Begin cussing fit. > 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. > 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. > 28) Beer. > 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. > 30) Beer. > 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. > 32) Beer. > 33) Lower car from jack stands. > 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps > any missed steps. > 35) Beer. > 36) Test drive car. > 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. > 38) Car gets impounded. > 39) Call loving wife, make bail. > 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. > Money spent: > Parts $50.00 > DUI $5500.00 > Impound fee $575.00 > Bail $1500.00 > Beer $40.00 > Total $7,665.00 > > But you know the job was done right! >
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Left Is Write
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Sun Apr-08-07 11:25 AM
Response to Original message |
1. Okay, just wait a hot minute here.... |
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Where can I get an oil change for just twenty bucks and a cuppa for a dollar? I'm there! :P
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TheMightyFavog
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Sun Apr-08-07 12:17 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
5. Yeah the oil change place here have complimentary coffee! |
Left Is Write
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Sun Apr-08-07 12:19 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
6. I usually buy a cup to bring along with me... |
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but nobody even sells a cup of brewed black coffee for a buck.
And the oil change for $20? I want that! I can't get out of any place for less than $35.
(The joke is still funny, though, even if I've seen it before. :D )
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TheMightyFavog
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Sun Apr-08-07 12:30 PM
Response to Reply #6 |
7. Do you get just the oil and filter or full service? |
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Just the oil and filter is cheaper.
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Left Is Write
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Sun Apr-08-07 12:43 PM
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8. Full service meaning check and top off fluids, check air pressure, vacuum.... |
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that sort of thing? Yeah. I get the whole shebang. But even just a straight oil change isn't 19.95 anymore most places.
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Wcross
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Sun Apr-08-07 11:38 AM
Response to Original message |
2. Changing your own oil isn't THAT difficult. |
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I don't use "quick lube" places because I have had bad experiences. How about a stripped drain plug thanks to some moron who doesn't give a crap? You get better quality filters and oil if you buy them yourself.
Me; Go to shelf where I keep all the proper equipment for the oil change. Crawl under truck (no jack needed) and remove drain plug. Allow it to drain into the pan on the floor. Remove filter and allow any oil to drip out. Replace filter, screw in the drain plug. Fill up the oil to a proper level. Drain oil pan into a milk jug to take to the recyclers (located at the town dump). Takes me less than 15 minutes and I know its done right. Nobody tries to sell me a "transmission fluid cleaning" or anything else.
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Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel
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Sun Apr-08-07 01:32 PM
Response to Reply #2 |
9. Stripped drain plug thanks to some moron who works at the FORD dealer |
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That really pissed me off! I've never been back to that place. But I do change mine and S.0. oil (synthetic) when needed.
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Wcross
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Sun Apr-08-07 02:07 PM
Response to Reply #9 |
11. I had to buy an "over-sized" plug they sell for just that reason. |
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It happens enough that they have a market for them! This moron was using an air gun for the plug! Apparently he didn't start it into the threads by hand, he just "sort of" lined it up and went. The dealer isn't any better, they don't have "mechanics" do oil changes, they leave that to the lube guys who are at the same skill level as jiffy lube.
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Casper Alabaster
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Sun Apr-08-07 11:58 AM
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3. I spent 8 grand on beer?! |
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Well, I guess that's about right..
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Race4Peace
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Sun Apr-08-07 12:07 PM
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4. you can just buy a new engine for cheaper than 8K |
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kitty litter not nescesary
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Redstone
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Sun Apr-08-07 01:42 PM
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10. That's DAMN funny. Thanks for posting it. |
Little Wing
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Sun Apr-08-07 02:15 PM
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12. oh look, another 'men are stupid' thread |
Maineiac
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Sun Apr-08-07 02:15 PM
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You fotgot the part about all your buddys coming over to drink your beer and helping you jack the car higher because your gut won't fit under the car anymore.
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DU
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Fri May 03rd 2024, 03:05 PM
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