ok..so you give this guy your phone number and he calls you

[wildhorses]

and it is okay conversation, kinda goofy but, kinda cool too. then, he says let me give you my phone number...

do you ever call him?

when?

why?

[fizzgig]

1. meh

maybe, maybe not

i'd defiantly wait at least a few days, though

[wildhorses]

5. i'm thinking about waiting

til the twelth of never...

not into calling guys...period

meh, thats just me though

:shrug:


remember austen is my favorite author
that is a clue into how truly old fashioned i really am :blush:

[SPKrazy]

8. ohhhh

old fashioned eh?

well then you may wait until the 12th of never

welcome to the new century wh

it's okay for girls (women) to call guys (men)


:hug:

[wildhorses]

11. ---

excuse me but, fuck that

it is NOT me...

i am the wildhorses

and i am NOT into calling guys...

he has my number...he was just probably being polite...like i was when i took it cos i was too lazy to tell him the truth

truth is i don't call guys...i don't chase guys...i don't try to read guys minds and i am too lazy to play games

[SPKrazy]

20. ...

okay

don't call him then

:hug:

[wildhorses]

22. ---do you truly want some chick to call you

that you have never met? you have called her once...ONE TIME YOU CALLED THIS CHICK


get it?

[SPKrazy]

25. I get it, I got it before

I was just trying to make a friendly suggestion :shrug:

[wildhorses]

29. sorry--

just confused as to how all this works...

i really do NOT get it...

i truly think he is NOT interested

just trying to be polite

really, sorry:blush:

:blush:

[SPKrazy]

30. Oh WH....

:hug:

I know it is a confusing world

and you are a sweet person for whom I hope finds some happiness and some company in her life

:pals:

[wildhorses]

33. you avoided my question

i am still waiting for an answer...

:pals:

[SPKrazy]

37. If I'd Called Her and Given Her My Number

It would be for the purpose of her calling.

I mean, that wouldn't bother me. REally.

If she called me in the middle of the night that would bother me.

If she called at a reasonable calling hour, and called to talk, then it wouldn't bother me.

If that doesn't feel comfortable to you though, you shouldn't do it. I've had women call me before and it's kind of a turn on to be the pursued instead of the pursuer :shrug: mebbe that is just me though.

I'd flip a coin if unsure, call if you are leaning that way, don't call if it makes you uncomfortable.

He may call you back again.

:pals:

[wildhorses]

41. thanks

he is already online :rofl:

so i sent him an email...

thanks, but no thanks
good luck in your search.


then i blocked him...see i told you. he would have made plans or arrangements to have called me back. it was in my crystal ball :evilgrin:

i really don't think the rules have changed. it sucks but, its true

[SPKrazy]

44. yer just holding out

for me, right? :evilgrin:


:rofl:

how's that crystal ball workin'?

I could use some answers actually...

:eyes:

[wildhorses]

50. you know it baby

i already got you where i want you :rofl:

i wish i had the answers, truly i do

:pals:

[SPKrazy]

60. ya got me trapped in this godforsaken place!

ya abandoned me here before i got here you!

you left me and i wasn't here yet! that's just wrong! wrong i tell you! (see i'm even writing in no caps just for you...:P )


:hug:

[SPKrazy]

66. so i guess i won't give you my number after all

that was my plan

:think:

[hfojvt]

23. don't think of it as calling a guy

think of it as returning a call.

Suppose I call a girl and talk to her. Should I call her again? Does she want me to? How do I know? I don't want to call and have her think 'oh bother, it's Eeyore again. That's just what would happen. Of all the guys in all the gin joints to call me, it would have to be him. I suppose I will have to talk to him anyway and pretend to laugh at his jokes just to be polite. Sigh.'

See, I have to read her mind, or always wonder, unless she solves it by calling me. The other alternative is that I will be there too afraid to call and get a phone slammed in my face. I recently discovered that I have phone anxiety no matter who I am calling. I think it comes from the golden rule. When the phone rings at my house it always kinda pi$$es me off. I think 'what now'. Perhaps because 99.44% of the time it is a wrong number, a telemarketer, or a prank, and when I was growing up all calls were for my sisters. So I always imagine that I am pi$$ing off the person that I am calling.

So this dance will never work. We might as well just retire to our separate corners.

[wildhorses]

26. ok but, here is the thing

i have to read his mind

i am not a mind reader

in all honesty, if i am getting the 'signals' right..

he doesn't want to hear from me

it was just a polite way to get off the phone cos i had another call coming in on my landline so it was an easy out for him...

i could be wrong...but, the only way i will know for sure if is he was interested enough to pick up the phone and call me again

remember this is a guy i have NEVER met and he was talking about me driving up to where he lives to see him??

we live an hour away from each other don't you think it would have been more civil to suggest meeting halfway?

truly, help me out cos i am so confused anymore...

[fizzgig]

13. i've never asked a guy out

everyone tells me i'm old fashioned....i'm just really shy

[wildhorses]

16. i do not ask guys out either

i am pretty shy, too

i just don't get it...

really i don't...

if he is not intersted enough to ask me out then he obviously is not interested enough, period.

it is truly not that hard to understand

why does everyone want to make more of a game out of it than it already is?

[achtung_circus]

24. As a guy

I know that a little reciprocity makes the wheels turn more easily. It provides some positive feedback from her to him. Otherwise he may be feeling that he's stalking a woman who is showing no interest in return.

Unless that's the point, I don't think it hurts.

[wildhorses]

27. how can one phone call be considered stalking

especially as we made no plans to meet?

remember we have only exchanged e-mails from profiles.

however, he is saying that this is his first rodeo :eyes:

[achtung_circus]

57. So he's feeling tentative.

I know that feeling. I'm doing the internet dating thing, too. It's that much harder than the real thing because you don't have the feedback you get IRL from seeing the other person's reactions to what you say and do.

Rodeo Makin' 8.

[fizzgig]

34. but maybe he doesnt' know you're interested

and is shy himself? i've gone through that before. i don't think all the pressure should be on guys, you gotta give a bit to get a bit :shrug:

edit: and by 'he,' i mean any guy, not this one in particular

[wildhorses]

36. yes, i understand that but,

how many phone converstaions do you need before you decide to meet in person?

it is easier in the big cities cos you just say meet you at so and so

i truly do not think this guy is interested...

[Chan790]

40. I don't know how to put this nicely so I'm going to put it bluntly...

you're going to die alone unless you adjust that POV. (You seem like a very nice woman...I'd prefer that you didn't die alone, for your sake.)

That's the truth. No guy is going to do all the chasing. Sorry. It's just not acceptable behavior in this day...for a guy to do so or for a woman to expect so.

If you like him...call him. That's why he gave you his number. He likes you...he's playing by the commonly-accepted modern-decorum of dating, you're not. He's not likely going to call again. Equality in calling is the sign of mutual affection. You not calling = You not interested in him. Him continuing to call if you've given indication that you're not interested = stalking.

P.S. I'm sure you already know this, but I'll point it out anyways...Austen's romantic comedies of manners are explicitly mocking the dating customs of her age. It's satire...she espousing the rejection of outdated courting rituals and laying the foundations of feminism and women's equality.

[Chan790]

43. If he's not interested...

he wouldn't have given you his number.

[wildhorses]

48. thing is

he is already back on the dating site...

me thinks he is not interested

anyway, truly i was not interested enough to call him

i was interested though in what y'all thought

thanks for your input

[Chan790]

69. So I read what I wrote...

and decided I was being a dick. Sorry. :dunce:

I'm in a foul mood.

But yeah...you gotta meet guys at least part-way. We're kinda gun-shy because..well, we are. Times have changed and not everybody has. Some women...if you give them your phone number and they don't call and you call them...will rip off your head because you're not taking the hint. That sucks.

As for his profile...I never take mine down until the "dating" is either: sexual or agreed upon as a relationship. I've got more than one ball in the air usually (i.e. I'm seeing more than one person on a not-serious basis) and I have the expectation that they do as well.

If you're not feeling it, then you shouldn't call him anyways. Hope he doesn't call again...that's awkward.

[wildhorses]

46. okay

i have heard that theory about austen, yes.

[SPKrazy]

2. for a good time

for a good time call....


i don't know, do you wanna call him wh?

i mean if you wanna call him, then you should call him.

if not, then why?

when? depends who he is

and what you want

:shrug:


:hug:

;)

you gave him your number, why did you do that?

:shrug:

I'd say he'd be super lucky to get a call from the wildhorsey

[wildhorses]

6. cos we met online

he e-mailed me and asked for it...

i gave him my cell #

[RiffRandell]

3. no fucking way.

he has your number, if he wants to call he can.

[wildhorses]

7. that is pretty much the way i see it

pretty much thinking i need to go ahead and block him from the dating site...

:shrug:

[LynzM]

4. Do you want to call him?

If so, then call him. Forget all the "supposed to" bs and be yourself, do what you want! :hi:

[wildhorses]

9. meh---not so much

reckon not :shrug:

just not my style

like i got a style (where'd i leave it?...somewhere in the last millenium :bounce:)

[GOPisEvil]

10. If you have to ask, that answers your question.

If you were interested, you'd call. :)

[wildhorses]

12. no...wrong

i am interested but,

evidently he is NOT interested enough to call me

[GOPisEvil]

14. Hmm...how long has it been?

Maybe he's trying to guage your interest by seeing how long it takes you to call him.

Isn't dating fun? :D

[wildhorses]

17. in a word--no

in a word HELL NO

i fucking hate and despise it and will end up being the crazy lady out in the country with all the cats

:bounce:

[GOPisEvil]

18. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that now.

Dating sucks!

[wildhorses]

21. lucky you

dating does suck

and i keep it simple as possible...

if they don't ask me out

then evidently we are NOT dating...DUH

how hard is that :shrug:

[S n o w b a l l]

15. but he did call you, right?

Now he's asking for you to call him if you're interested? I'm I getting this right?

[wildhorses]

19. don't make this any harder than it already is

he is 51 years old...

this was our first conversation

he lives an hour away

he is frickin' potter

he says to call him and come up there and he will teach me to throw pots...yeah, right

what is he thinking?

the scene with demi and patrick from ghost:shrug:

:eyes:

look i don't mean to be harsh but, i truly don't get it

[S n o w b a l l]

28. ok...

I'm still confused...sounds by this post you're not interested but in another you said you were.

:shrug: Bottom line, if you're interested, call him. Why leave it to the guys to be in control? He's giving you the reins now and you should take them if you want.

That said, I can say I never call guys. Not because I have something against it, it's cause I'm usually just not interested enough. But, I would if I was and they called me first to let me know they were interested.

If you're interested, give him the benefit of the doubt ... he's not going to be pushy and thinks of you as an equal and is receptive to you being more than the passive little lady waiting for his phone call.

[wildhorses]

32. meh

i am mildly curious...

passive little lady waiting for his phone call:rofl:

that was good

so he let me know he was interested cos he gave me his number...is that what you think he was saying?

truly, i am NOT good at this

[S n o w b a l l]

39. are you pissed or something?

cause you seem really hostile for some reason.

I was only telling you my opinion. I'll bow out of this conversation now. I was only trying to be helpful and tell you what I would do since you asked.

Personally, I think guys have gotten a really bad rap and are held totally responsible for too many things. One being initiating romance or dating. We as woman have to take some responsibility in the dating game if we want to play.

[wildhorses]

45. sorry---

and i appreciate your commnts really i do.

i just think that when it comes to dating the rules really have not changed much.

and he is already on the dating site so i guess that means he was not intersted...

[S n o w b a l l]

49. that's ok..

:hug:
I understand and wish the best for you. I'm sorta in the same place as you. :)

[wildhorses]

54. read bushwentawol posts further down this thread

i sorta see it like that myself...

a man should not leave any doubt in your mind that he is interested

if there is doubt in my mind i move on to the next one

that is why i laughed at your waiting on him to call

:hug:

it is tough out here...and i just thought i would check in to see if it has gotten any less complicated and by the looks of this thread

i see everyone is SNAFU pm me if you don't know that one and good luck out here in the minefield of dating...i think we all need it

[S n o w b a l l]

61. Yeah, now I see..

I like to give more credit to guys. My bad!

[Kat45]

70. Being on the dating site does NOT mean he's not interested.

I've been doing these dating sites for a couple of years. Last year I met someone, went out with him for 10 months, and sadly had to break up with him recently. I didn't leave the site until we were sexual and establishing a relationship. Now, I'm back on the sites and at age 52, I really hope to meet someone for a LTR soon.

So I'm taking the spaghetti approach: throw everything up against the wall and see what sticks. I'll correspond with several men at once and I don't feel bad about it because most of them don't get past the email stage (sometimes there's only one email exchange). Then there's the phone call stage. I like to have several phone calls and a bit of comfort before the first meeting, which is in a public place of course. (Often the second/third meeting will also be in a public place.)

I'm currently corresponding with a man who lives about an hour away. If we do get to the point that we want to meet, I'm curious as to how we'll set that up.

[Wapsie B]

31. The way I see it any guy interested in a woman would call her

and not wait for her to call back.

[wildhorses]

35. thank you

that makes perfect sense to me

meanwhile back at the ranch...

:hug:

[Wapsie B]

38. I mean damn....

I wouldn't want to seem uninterested to a woman.

:hug:

[wildhorses]

42. truly

how blase' can the mofo get...

like DUH

[Wapsie B]

47. if i'm interested in someone

there would be a lot of words come to mind, but being blase' about it ain't one of them. they will see the fire in my eyes.

[wildhorses]

52. exactly

and you wouldn't be all like

here's my number call me sometime...

now would you?

and i think if the other guys on here would be truly honest they would be saying the same thing and the sooner the girls figure it out the less game playing there would be

just my .02

:pals:

[S n o w b a l l]

56. Well now that's an answer I'd be interested in!

Cause I thought differently.

So men just give their numbers out for the hell of it? They don't actually want someone to call?

Enlighten me please!

[Wapsie B]

58. give my number to you or anyone else

and expect you to call me? no. not at all. not in a heartbeat.

:pals:

[S n o w b a l l]

59. Then why give it out?

[Wapsie B]

65. I see that I phrased that totally wrong.

I would not give my number to a woman. I would ask for her number.

[S n o w b a l l]

67. Well that's fair..

[S n o w b a l l]

68. Ok that's why I'm saying...

we have those like you and then we have those nice guys who are serious.

The problem with females today is there are still guys like you.

[Robeson]

51. Sorry, I only offer relationship advice to MissHoneychurch....

...you're on your own...:P

[wildhorses]

53. OMG

:rofl:

:hi:

i figured it out...all by myself:bounce:

bushwentawol says it like it is

[Wapsie B]

71. well you may have figured it out

but as usual i'm totally clueless. :shrug:

feel free to let me in on it by whatever means. :rofl:

[Danger Mouse]

55. wildhorses, are you cheating on me and old gregg?

HOW DARE YOU!!! :grr: :cry:

[SPKrazy]

62. hey you...

get back to yer neck of the woods

:rofl:

[Danger Mouse]

63. what's my neck of the woods?

if you could be so kind as to enlighten me.

[SPKrazy]

64. out where old gregg lives, hell if i know where that is

old gregg

:rofl:

[Shell Beau]

72. I am so not a forward kinda gal! I used to always wait for the guy to make the move.

I guess I was lucky in that aspect because I never had to be forward or make a move. But now, if I were single and this was going on and I really liked the guy, I would call. At least I would hope I would have the balls to! Go for it!!! :)

[Nevernose]

73. He was just putting the ball in your court

You gave him your phone number.
Then it was HIS move.
He called you, gave you his phone number.
Now it's YOUR move.

If you like him or are interested, you call him back.
If not, then you can let him down easily simply by not calling him back.

Especially if you met up on a dating site. There are some REALLY rude women out there. I assume there's some rude men, too, but I don't contact them so much.