Something I need to get off my chest

[Haole Girl]

Today, April 18th, is the day my mother committed suicide. Well, she didn't actually die, until 9 days later, but I'll spare you the graphic details.

In light of the massacre at Virginia Tech this week, I'd like to give you a little insight...and say some things. Though, I know as well as anybody, there is really nothing any other individual can do to prevent someone from killing themselves, if the person really wants to.

Time does not heal all wounds. I've said it before, on here, but it's worth repeating. Primarily, because some parents, here on DU, have said they have seriously entertained the thought of killing themselves. I beg you not to.

Do I have fond memories of my mother? Sure...but not many. What stands out in my mind, today, on the anniversary, is how she stood in my doorway...in the middle of the night...the light surrounding her hair...making her look like an angel...just before she drove away.

I have never forgiven her. I doubt I ever will. Yes, I understand her...I understand the pain she went through-- very well, in fact. Yes, I've spent a lot of money on therapy. No, I am not a candidate for anti-depressant drugs.

There is help...out there...for anyone who feels suicidal. Get it. Don't think your children would be fine-- they wouldn't...your children would be fucked-up in the head-- for the rest of their lives. Don't think time would heal the wounds...don't think they would ever remember you fondly.

I hope this thread is not misunderstood. If even one family could be spared the pain mine has been through, then writing this has been worth it.

And, no..I am not suicidal.

http://suicidehotlines.com

[GenDem]

1. Wow, KC2

So very sorry. Peace to you on this very difficult day.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

8. Thank you

It's had it's ups & downs. I just wish I could make it a day to celebrate her life, instead...but it never seems to work out that way, you know? :hug:

[SPKrazy]

2. Wow

I'm very sorry...

shit


I'm gonna give you a hug anyway

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

31. Thanks

[leftofthedial]

3. thank you

and best wishes

your post made a difference tonight

[bigwillq]

5. Yes, thank you for sharing KC2

kind of puts a few things in perspective for me.

:hug:

[bigwillq]

4. Oh KC2

This is all I have to offer you at this time


:hug: :hug: :hug:


I am sorry you had to deal with that kind of tragedy.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Haole Girl]

18. Thanks, friend

Yeah, I've been a bit of a wreck (more than usual) lately. Thanks for sticking by me.

:hug:

[BarenakedLady]

6. Oh sweetie

I am so so sorry. That is why, even in my deepest darkest depths of depression, I knew I could never kill myself. And believe me, I have thought about it. Thank you for reminding me of that. I'm in a much better place now, but it wasn't really all that long ago in the whole scheme of things.

Anti-depressants and more importantly therapy have helped me crawl out of that hole. I can proudly say I'm in the mildly depressed category as opposed to the severe one I was in just 7 months ago. The driving force in my seeking help was my three beautiful children.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

12. I am so happy you are doing better!

It really is the best news I've had all day. :hug:

[Redbear]

7. Thank you very much.

You rock.

[Haole Girl]

13. Well..

..thank you. That was very kind. :hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

9. ...

:hug: :hug:

[Haole Girl]

14. Thanks

:hug: :hug:

[wildhorses]

10. thanks for posting this and for being you ---

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

15. Aww..

...you're so sweet. Thank you. :hug:

[femmocrat]

11. Your post took a lot of courage...

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

20. Thanks

It didn't, though, really. But, thanks. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

16. That is an awful thing to bear!

:hug:

I dated a man whose mother committed suicide when he was a preschooler. I think he probably still thinks it is all his fault.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

21. Yeah, that is a common reaction

Hope your friend is able to work through it, to some degree. :hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

17. Dear KC2...

:hug:
I wish your post could be heard on the radio or the TV. Many stations are asking for opinions on the events at VT. Yours would be valuable...
:hug:

[Haole Girl]

23. Thanks

But, I've had more than my share of "15 minutes of fame," from a speeding ticket, caught by TV reporters, once. It's a story for another time.

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

19. Thank you for sharing your story, KC2

My mom tried several times, but fortunately got help. Even contemplating what it would have been like had she succeeded breaks my heart.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

24. I'm glad she didn't succeed

But, I'm sure it was still hell for you, SeattleGirl. :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

22. My dear KC2...

Thank you for telling us this....

Hugs to you on this most difficult day, sweetie....:hug:

Remember that we all love you....as do I...:loveya:

[Haole Girl]

26. Thank you

I love you, Peggy...I do. :hug: :loveya:

[Midlodemocrat]

25. Forgive her. Don't forget what she did, but forgive her.

Forgive her for not being able to see what a wonderful child she had in you.

Forgive her for not being strong enough to stay alive to witness all the wonderful things you have done and will do.

Forgive her for not being strong enough. period.

Forgive her. Don't forget what happened and continue to tell people what you have been through as you have tonight, but try and forgive her for the extremely flawed, weak person she was.

We are all flawed and weak. We are all capable of doing what your mom did. Forgive her.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

29. That was a beautiful reply

Thank you. :hug:

[gemdem]

27. Thank you

and may you find some healing in the sharing, and some comfort in knowing that many here care about you.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Haole Girl]

30. Thank you

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[graywarrior]

28. I understand, KC2. Totally.

[Haole Girl]

33. Thank you

And, I'm sorry if it made you sad. :hug:

[graywarrior]

34. No, I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I lost a lot of friends and some family to suicide. At the time, I thought it was just "normal."

[Haole Girl]

35. Hugs...

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Critters2]

32. Wow. I'm so sorry. But thanks for writing this.

I'm thinking of you.

[Haole Girl]

37. Thank you. n/t

[medeak]

36. posted earlier

heartfelt message...but server down?

at any rate...I wish this message was posted in GD for more people to view. Articulate message you wrote..and lighting candle for you. Sending light to envelope you with peace I hope and please feel the love that everyone here is sending.

Your message is so demonstrative of the lack of mental health care and the human side of what families have to suffer. thank you for your post.

fondly, m

[Haole Girl]

38. Thank you for saying it was articulate

It seems redundant to me, now..but, well, it's all out there, isn't it?

Thanks.

[medeak]

39. no need to respond...

but am serious about posting on general discussion. m

[Haole Girl]

40. Thanks...but, I am already feeling..

..well, exposed...over exposed, actually, already.

[medeak]

41. no worries...

who comes to the lounge? ;-)

[Haole Girl]

42. I only discovered the Lounge after..

..one of my threads was moved here. It was a thread I'd started in GD-- about psychic abilities. I've been here ever since (well, off & on). ;-)

[Wetzelbill]

43. yes nearly two years ago a friend of mine committed suicide...

I wrestled with that for a long time. I thought I could have stopped it, but like you said, there really was nothing I could do.

You know, I don't know what to say other than thanks for sharing this. My condolences and I appreciate your thoughts.

[Haole Girl]

49. Thank you

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. :hug:

[Blue_Tires]

44. thank you so much for sharing

[Haole Girl]

50. You're welcome. n/t

[Quakerfriend]

45. Love to you KC on this difficult anniversary

:hug:

Through your sharing you may have saved some other family this horrible pain.

And, you are so right about time not healing the wounds. My beautiful and vibrant youngest sister (there were six of us) committed suicide after years of fighting depression. She had loads of love and support from family and friends. Lots and lots of therapy and counseling from age 15 on up until she died at 33. She left us a tape telling us that she just could not hang on any longer.

Sadly, I think that some who commit suicide have gotten to the point where they truly feel that those around them would be better off without them. Your mom may very well have believed this.


This is just NOT true.

When you think of her, remind yourself to send her forgiveness. You will see her on the other side.
:grouphug:

[Haole Girl]

51. Yes, they start to think that..

..but, you are so right-- it is simply not true. :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

46. I wanted to say something about my experience but I would be

really fucked up to do so.

I am sorry, KC2. A :hug: seems inappropriate for me to give. I want to give you more. It'll have to be enough to say you'll be in my thoughts these days.

[Haole Girl]

52. Aww

I'm sorry. I hope this thread didn't rehash too much for you.. :hug:

[Bassic]

47. ...

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

54. Thanks

:hug:

[SarahB]

48. I'm very sorry for what you went through.

My dad had some problems with severe depression when I was growing up, but he sought help before it was too late- twice in fact. Now, he's a grandpa and a pretty ok guy. Depression kills and it doesn't have to. :(

[Haole Girl]

55. I'm so glad your dad was able to survive it

:hug:

[Mad_Dem_X]

53. Thank you. n/t

[Haole Girl]

56. You're welcome. n/t

[av8rdave]

57. I am so sorry...but thank you for a courageous, valuable post

That might just make a critical difference in people's lives somewhere.

I hope you got through what must have been a really difficult day OK!

[Haole Girl]

58. I did get through it okay..and thank you

:hug:

[slj0101]

59. Yours is one of the best assessments I have read on the topic.

Thank you for sharing. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

60. Wow...

thank you. :hug: