Liberal empathy vs. realism

[Liberal Veteran]

Talk about feeling like shit.

So as the official "trainer" at work, I have the unenviable task of trying to train someone who was given a chance at a decent job in part because that person has some pretty rough circumstances in their personal life.

Unfortunately, it isn't going to work and I feel just awful about it because the person is nice enough, though a little odd, but is just not making the grade and in my line of work, mistakes kill people.

Sadly, my boss is probably going to have to can this person tomorrow and I really feel bad about it, but at this point, I've tried everything I know including having four other people who are extremely qualified try to sit with the person and explain various job functions and how to be accurate hoping that somehow maybe someone else would be able to make a breakthrough that I haven't had any luck at.

So now the natural empathy I have for people that makes me usually good at training and makes me care about people is at war with a part of me that is screaming "Enough is enough".

What a rotten place and it probably seems petty to even gripe considering the person's home circumstances are dire enough that I wonder how this person is going to carry on.

How does one balance empathy with realism?

[idgiehkt]

1. the only things coming to mind

are 12 step stuff that might gross you out, depending on your spiritual beliefs, but they are ones that have helped me lately; I'll throw them out and you can look over them if it's not your thing. That person has a higher power/god/whatever looking out for them and you are not it. The universe will provide for them. There maybe something better on the horizon for them but in order to get there they have to be taken out of this situation first. The closest I've ever come to having a guru is listening to this man named Bob E. who is one of the wisest people I've ever heard speak, and he says "my faith in God is so strong I know that if this door closes the next one is made of gold." I'm not religious, but I've learned more often than not that that is true. There may be forces at work working for the good of this person that you cannot see.

[some guy]

2. Your post is a little vague

and that's fine, but it makes it a bit difficult for me to respond.

Maybe this will make some sense :)

Assuming the job has several skill sets, is there any particular skill set the trainee has shown a competence for? If so, you could have your boss emphasize to the trainee a slightly different field where that/those demonstrated skill(s) may be enough to keep them employed.

IOW if the job requires a b c d & e, and the trainee is showing an ability for aand c, but not b d or e, maybe a different field where a and c are all that's needed is a better option for the trainee. Don't just get rid of them, but try to help guide them in a new direction.

:shrug:

Sorry for you being in that position. :hug:

[The Traveler]

3. idgie is close to my view in this

But I would add these thoughts. Empathy means the capacity for feel for another, and that means that sometimes you will become acutely aware that some of life's experiences really suck. You mention this job must be done correctly or people die. Feel, also, for the potential victims.

Realism demands we accept constraints on what we can really do for people. Idealism derived from empathy demands we always push those constraints. There's a tension there. Your post evidences your are experiencing that tension. Hey. No one said that the attempt to live truly well, from both heart and mind, would be easy. Or always comfortable.

The universe does contain what your trainee needs ... there is a right work for that person. Apparently, what you do isn't it. Accept that without remorse, and be a friend.

Best to ya ...

[Liberal Veteran]

4. Thank you....that really does put things into perspective.

Ultimately, the choice to keep that person on is not mine to make and quite honestly, after today, I wouldn't be surprised if even my boss isn't pressured by her boss to take action.

I guess I'll have to be content with the fact that I did my best.

[stuntcat]

5. :hug:

It hurts feeling real empathy for people sometimes, just know that you are handling it right :hug:

(edited just because)

[WritingIsMyReligion]

6. I dunno, because I don't do it well.

Sorry about being in these straits. :hug:

[Deep13]

7. You did your best. It is not your responsibility.

Really, what can you do? It is out of your hands. You won't be doing this person any favors by keeping him in a job that will get him killed. Feeling bad about it will not left this person and will only hurt you.