good people of the lounge, i need your help on a sensative issue.

[LastKnight]

one of my friends just got pregnant... and i dont know if its a good thing...and no, before you ask, not by me.

shes 18, unmarried, and i think she had plans to attend college next year... and i have no concearn about her skills as a mother, she values family more than anything else... its the father im worried about, i havent known him to be the best person, honestly, im concearned that he will freak out and leave, which would really get her messed up, considering she is almost completely dependant on him, financially, emotionally, and in other ways as well. Thier relationship has been kind of rocky for the entire length of it as well. he just went to the other side of the country to finish his college education, which also worries me because he has cheated on her before.

as her best friend i dont know if i should be really spreading it all over the boards, but she doesnt post to my knowelege, or does she know i post, and im not using names... so i guess its ok... but thats besides the point.

and im wondering, as her best friend, what should i do? should i mention my concerns to her? i would have but i dont think its my place, really. and what should i really do? i have no intent to abandon her by any means, but should i just keep my distance so she can go through her pregnancy without my interference? i dont want to be imposing but at the same time i dont want her to feel that she is alone. She lives in another state now so i cant be around her 24/7 but i intend to visit now and then.

so good people of the lounge. i need help. sorry for the messy post but im trying organize in a state of half-shock right now, im kinda scared of what could happen to her if things dont go her way.

-LK

[Fleshdancer]

1. Right now what she needs most is a friend

She may not be expressing it, but she's thinking about her decisions. She probably has other friends, family members, and maybe even the father-to-be trying to tell her what's best for her when what she really needs is support and a little time to figure it all out.

[blackcat77]

2. Yep

The very worst thing for her would be to feel that she is alone and that "fate" was imposing decisions on her. Desperation leads to foolish choices. Also, at times like this radicals tend to descend on people in crisis pregnancies to exploit the situation for their own agendas. Again, the best that any of us can do is to be there, to be a good listener and to affirm the person's value.

[DisgustedDemocrat]

3. Just listen and be supportive

Let her decide what she needs to talk about.

[mdmc]

4. good luck

with a tough scene.

[Ernesto]

5. Gloria is right on this one.

This is the time (like it or not) when you have an opportunity to walk the walk. Hang in there & do the best you can.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

6. The best thing you can do is listen

and be there for her.

Advice isn't what she needs, but you might be able to help her sort out her options. And give her plenty of hugs; because regardless of what she decides to do, the decision will weigh heavily on her mind.

She's lucky to have a friend who cares so much...

[LastKnight]

7. kick

i aprecieate the feedback. im sorry if im overreacting just... she basicly told me 'if he bails, im turning to you to keep me sane' kinda thing, not in so many words but it was insinuated. caught me off guard. i have yet to respond to the email. thanks once again DU.

-:kick:-

well, its late and im going to bed, goodnight DU.

-LK

[Fleshdancer]

12. I could see how that would catch you off guard!

Seriously though, even when women plan to get pregnant for the first time with their spouse (considered the best case scenario in our society), it's still a scary thing to go through. And for some stupid, twisted reason, other people like to pile on the fear at a time when it isn't necessary.

During my pregnancy, I had the *pleasure* of listening to every horrible labor story, pregnancy complication, twisted "what ifs", people questioning whether I was too young...blah blah blah. Add a whopping dose of hormones on the situation and it's surprising more pregnant women don't become suicidal!

At the end of the day though, if she decides to keep the baby, then the focus should be the baby, not the sperm donor. She's going to go through a lot of emotional ups and downs (again, normal in the best of situations during pregnancy) and she could really benefit from having a steady, supportive friend to listen. You obviously care about her, I bet you'll do just fine. How are you doing by the way?

[SoCalDem]

8. There's nothing that you can "do"..

You can be her supportive friend, but she is the one who will have to get through this life altering situation she's in..

It sounds like the baby is a "hope I don't lose him, so I'll get pregnant, and then he will love me " baby.. That NEVER works..

After the reality of it sets in, she will have to make some plans.. Whatever she decides, make sure she knows that she needs prenatal care..

She needs to tell her family too..and soon.. They may not react as badly as she thinks they will.. The guy is likely to be "out of the picture", but she needs to tie up some legal things.. He is responsible for financial assistance and should participate in the situation too, even if they are not a "couple"..

All you can be is her listening post.. She has to figure this one out on her own :(

[populistmom]

9. Another vote for be supportive and listen

I got pregnant at 19, in a much better situation, but not intensionally (one time I was careless and I'm extremely fertile) and the father of my baby was there for me (he's still my husband almost 13 years later), but it was all but one of my friends who abandoned me. I had friends tell me I was stupid for getting pregnant, stupid for not having an abortion, and so smart that why did I throw my future away (I don't agree with this, it just postpones future plans if one is driven enough)? Friends are very important, but especially in your friend's situation. Just be there for her and help in whatever way you can.

[rasputin1952]

10. If you are her friend...

you will be there for her when she needs you. Friends do not desert friends when they need help, regardless of the situation.

O8)

[blondeatlast]

11. Just listen. That will guide you to what she needs from you.

Be there, make sure she knows you are available for her.

You're a true friend, it would appear. Listen with your heart and you won't go wrong.

Prayers to you and your friend. Please see that she gets the proper pre-natal care; this is crucial.