I need a Laugh...

[LastKnight]

today was too serious... if youve seen my other thread, you know what im talking about. oh well, DU do your best, i need a laugh, a chuckle, or if you can, get me rolling.

thanks in advance

-LK

[KissMyAsscroft]

1. hmmm...

www.badgerbadgerbadger.com

[camero]

2. here ya go.

http://www.theonion.com/

Feedback Taking Too Long To Be Positive
GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Aspiring screenwriter Stephen Helfer, 26, expressed concern Monday that feedback from friend Jason Novak regarding his screenplay The Domino Affair was taking too long to be positive. "I know Jason is a busy guy, but I gave it to him three weeks ago," Helfer said. "It didn't even take me this long to write the thing." Helfer added that he had a hunch it was a mistake to include the fourth speedboat chase.

[Lostmessage]

3. What was your other thread about?

Go see Bad Santa.

[LastKnight]

7. Linkage

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=659256

there it is... worried bout a close friend...

-LK

[Lostmessage]

9. She is just a kid

I would be worried also because she has her whole life ahead of her and the choice that she makes can will change her emotionally and financially and it's a very hard decision to make.

Your a god send for helping her because I wouldn't know what to tell her.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

4. Here are some groaners just for you:

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so
they gave me the axe.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that
morality comes from morons?

[moof]

5. posted this earlier

computer jokes

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=658619

[camero]

6. Another joke

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

[LastKnight]

8. Thanks everyone...

i needed that kinda stuff

-LK

[moof]

10. doctor joke

t seems that five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate
on.

the first surgeon says, "i like to see acountants on my operating table,
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

the second surgeon responds, "yeah, but you should try electricians!
everything inside them is color coded."

the third surgeon says, "no, i really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

the fourth surgeon chimes in:
"you know, i like the construction workers........
those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end,
and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

but the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"you're all wrong. politicians are the easiest to operate on.
there's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine,
and the head and ass are interchangeable!"

[Nomad559]

11. A couple of funnies

http://www.strike-the-root.com/pictures/clowns.html

Use your cursor to move the flash movie, then click on the monitor screen.

http://www.ezupa.com/simwork/simwork.html

[LastKnight]

12. thats AWESOME...

the simwork one cracked me up, so did the cactus one... that rocks

lol

-LK

[Shananigans]

13. You have to love this one!

Olaf and Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding
he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.
"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into his
tackle box, he pulled out a BIC lighter 10 inches long.
"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge BIC lighter in his
hands. "Vhere did yew git dat monster??"
"Vell", replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."
"You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.
"Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box," says Olaf.
"Could I see him?"
So Olaf opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the genie.
Addressing! the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your
master. Vill you grant me vun vish?"
"Yes, I will," says the genie.
So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears back
into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million
bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million
ducks...flying overhead. Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells
at Olaf. "Yumpin' Yimmny I asked for a million BUCKS, not a million
DUCKS!"
Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew that da genie is hard of
hearing. "Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch BIC?

[LastKnight]

14. heh... im gonna have to

tell that one to a few friends...

-LK

[psychopomp]

15. Lego Knights!

http://www.antra.dk/montypythonlg.mov

[buckeye1]

16. Why couldn't the pony cough?

Where do you put "cold cash"?

[TOhioLiberal]

17. Here's a list of snappy comebacks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

[RebelOne]

18. Too, too funny!!! ROFLMAO

[Kellanved]

19. Don't build a model plane like this

[Bhaisahab]

20. An Indian is on his first trip...

... to america. eager to practice his english, he decides to chat up the passenger sitting beside him in the plane.
"Hello, ma'am. What is your name?"
"Oh hello! My name is Elizabeth... lizzie to you. What's yours?"
"I'm Ballwinder Singh... balls to you."
:)