One sided friendships

[Lostmessage]

How do you get over a person that you consider a friend of yours if you are putting all of the effort into being that persons friend.
I have never been intimate but I feel close.

I get this I think I love you email and I want to spend the rest of my life with you but most of it is my effort on being the friend.

Are there any books on how to get past someone and write them off for good.

[ZenLefty]

1. Just slip out the back, Jack.

Make a new plan, Stan.
Don't need to be coy, Roy,
just listen to me.

Hop on the bus, Gus,
don't need to discuss much.
Just drop off the key, Lee,
and set yourself free.

[izzie]

8. Love that.

n/t

[jimbo fett]

2. Separation would be a good "test." If this person really cares for you...

they'll make an effort to rekindle the friendship. If they don't then you're right about it being one-sided.

[Lostmessage]

3. If I can't find Internet service by tomorrow

I will loose contact forever and it might be for the best.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

4. Focus on yourself...

I like Pema Chodron's books, myself. I find they help pull me out of Lala Land and back into the present moment when I find myself preoccupied with "what I'd like" rather than "what is".

I wouldn't give up on your friendship; but I don't think you should be making an effort because you expect something in return.

Here's a thought I keep handy that I find most helpful:

"We confuse attachment with love. Attachment is concerned with my needs, my happiness, while love is an unselfish attitude, concerned with the needs and happiness of others....

A relationship free of unrealistic grasping is free of disappointment, conflict, jealousy, and other problems, and is fertile ground for the growth of love and wisdom."
-Kathleen McDonald, "How to Meditate"

[TXlib]

5. Well said, GoG

I'd add that communication is good.

Tell the other person why you are so unhappy with the relationship, and why you are thinking of cutting them loose. Be detailed.

If you can't say it in person, write it down.

Maybe they'll mend their ways.

At least they'll know what happened, and it's their choice to learn from it, or write you off as an asshole.

[Lostmessage]

6. I have an Idea

In order to stop emailing the person altogether I am going to put the email in the draft box and delete them and that way I will feel like I am still talking to them but I really am not.
I know that sounds crazy but it's one way to break the habit of talking to a person who could care less about you.
I can't deal with the bs about I might be in love with you anymore and if the person cared they would want to talk to me more then once a week right?

[Skittles]

7. need me to kick their ass, lm ???

let me know

[Lostmessage]

9. I wrote this person off for New Years

Then I got an email and let am a glutton for punishment. I know that what I am being told is a load of BS but I believed it and now I am sitting here again feeling broken hearted.

[CrownPrinceBandar]

10. I say forget 'em....

I had an experience this past summer where I made this really deep connection with this woman I worked with. Due to the transitory nature of my career, I fell out of touch with this person (except for a birthday email she sent me about a month ago). I was never intimate with this person (as she was involved with another) but we had some emotional clicks that really changed my life. I still feel the compulsion to contact her and to see where I really stand, but I know its bullshit, this woman is hundreds of miles distant and involved with another.

If this person is waffling, as it sounds like they are, please let them go. Much of person's life is wasted by pining for another, especially one that is unattainable or unhealthy. Letting go hurts, but having your expectations and your heart routinely crushed hurts even more.

I have had other experiences similar to the one I recounted above. It has almost become a pattern in my life. So I am intimately familiar with the pain of longing. Letting go is the hardest, but I always felt better when I realized that in releasing my expectations of another, I had taken a step toward becoming a emotionally-stronger person.

[Lostmessage]

11. Your right

It would have hurt worse If I had been intimate. I am going to move on and get my life together.

[Lostmessage]

12. It they are sick I don't mind

I would prefer to have them spend what time they have left with me instead of alone. I always have a motto honesty is the best policy and I believe in it.
I took care of a very sick mom for years before she died and I don't regret a day of it.
I can take care of someone but they can't lie to me.
I am not sure about it if it is due to illness that I am being written off but if it is I don't care I would prefer to know it and make my own decisions on if I want the relationship or not.

[aQuArius]

13. I have some great friends

I just wanted to get that out, they know who they are and I really appreciate him, especially.

[populistmom]

14. There comes a time

When you have to let go. Ask yourself, "What am I getting from this?" If the answer is nothing, ultimately there comes a time when it means goodbye. Sometimes though, people are going through a hard time and you have to wait for them to be there for you or have to be the bigger source of support, but friendship means that down the road (or perhaps earlier) they are or they were there for you. It's up to you to figure out how this person fits into that.