Dumped today for being too insecure. Oh lord, that's a new and

[crim son]

unexpected twist. Feeling philosophical but it could be the vast quantities of alcohol I've consumed this evening.

Tell me: how does one recover from being insecure? I did not used to be but events change a person. It's obvious now that I have some problems I did not used to have.

Sigh. I shouldn't post this shit here but I have few people to tell and I need to exorcise the rejection demon. He's an Ugly Bastard.

[InternalDialogue]

1. Sorry about the deal, crim son. I wish it didn't feel so bad.

:hug:

My only advice about insecurity: When you're alone and quiet and don't have anything occupying your attention, you can hear yourself and you know in your heart what is true.

When you can find that same voice when you're in a crowd, surrounded by noise and stress, and everything vying for your attention, then you have overcome any insecurity.

[JVS]

2. In life there are the insecure and the overconfident

No matter what, a person is just fucked up.

[crim son]

5. True.

I guess it's the rare person who can deal with our fuck upedness. Me, I'm working toward a sort of equilibrium but am not there yet. Ah well.

Deity bless grapes and the miracle of the fermentation process.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

22. You are a poetess, crim son

"Deity bless grapes" indeed.

I would have just advocated getting shit-faced. (I advocated it in another thread and got mildly chastised for the immaturity of that solution :) )

I hope you get over this pain soon.
:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear crim son!

Who dumped you?

It wasn't the new guy, was it?

The one you were getting along so well with?

And you can post any old shit you feel like here...

I've got your back, sweetie....always...:pals:

[StarryNite]

4. In what way?

There are all different kinds of insecurities. We need more info. Were you controlling or something of that nature?

[Whoa_Nelly]

6. Am not buying his excuse

You may have your confident and your not so confident moments, but I personally think it's a lame excuse on his part.

Don't take it to heart, dear crim son. You have dealt with enough ups and downs and all the in betweens over the last several years, and have still continued looking foward. You are still going through a transition time in your life, but you do have personal reserves, and when you think or feel you don't, you have us, your friends.

Am here for you anytime...as close as this board, a PM or a phone call. :hug:

[ForrestGump]

7. Way to help her feel more secure, bozo

I don't know the answer -- or if there is one -- other than to suggest that losing (or damping...honestly, not in ways that come back to bite your bum) insecurities is a process and likely one that spins off making positive change in your life and seeing it bear fruit.

I suspect that the internal dialog that InternalDialogue mentions would be a good place to start, and a means through which to monitor your 'progress.' I like this aptly-named DUer's eponymous suggestion very much.

And, as always....You're better off without someone like that. This, in itself, is a key to some degree off progress.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[originalpckelly]

8. Ok, this is weird, but hell you're drunk enough to try it.

Get a pillow, pretend it's the bastard, and dump his sorry ass for not being compassionate. I used to practice in front of pillows to relieve stage fright (on someone else's advice, NOT something I came up with :-)) and it worked. Don't know if it will for you, but if you sort of treat it like him, then you might be able to relieve the pressure.

[Richard Steele]

9. I've been accused of being "too insecure" when I was just busting my ass to be HONEST.

I'm usually accused of being too "emotionally distant", too "closed off"...

So, I make a real effort to actually tell someone how I FEEL about things,
and suddenly I'm "needy and insecure".

Yeah, right. "Needy and insecure" my ass- my real problem is
that my fricking EGO is so big, it should carry a sign that
says, "continued on next horribly twisted psyche".

Bear in mind that whatever you REALLY are is getting filtered TWICE
through whoever HE really was- once when he observed, and again when
he commented.

From reading your posts here at DU, I've formed the impression
that you have a pretty NORMAL amount of "insecurity" about things
that any SANE person would worry about...and you've been abnormally
BRAVE about discussing those things with everyone.

If you had mentioned the same issues as "no big deal", than -THAT-
would have been cause to think you had some problems, IMHO.

That's just my 2¢...but I -AM- smarter and more talented than anyone
else who ever lived! :rofl:

[some guy]

10. Sorry

he's a loser.

:hug:

A good man would take you as you are, and if he felt you were insecure, he would talk to you about it, and if you agreed that the things he was seeing which he labeled 'insecure' were actual insecurity on your part, he would work with you to relieve both your insecurities, and help you work through the root causes of it.

You deserve better than him.

[Inchworm]

11. Boo! him...

lemme at 'im! The bastid!

Sounds to me like you deserve better Crimson. I would have a drink with you, but I have dried out over here.

On the philosophical note, all that came to my head was...

Silence is the door of consent.

:hug:

[Karenca]

12. Crim son ..

i can't do a search -- so i might be off a bit off ~ but if i remember correctly:

A. He was late for your first date.
B. He put you down verbally during your first date.
C. He made you cry on your first date.
D He thinks Glenn Beck (or someone like that) is god.
E. He listens to Faux News.
F. He doesn't HATE bush.
G. He's a repuke

A wise person once told me that everything you need to know about a person you can learn within the first twenty minutes of meeting them.
You must just listen carefully -- all the clues about who they really are - it's all there, --- if you're willing to hear it.

I know it hurts now, but you deserve better than him.

[Guava Jelly]

13. well just....

I'm sorry sweetie.
:hug: I was really hoping you caught a good one.
I still think you are the cats pajamas.:hug:
If you need to vent feel free to spam my pm box

[Connonym]

14. :hugs:

Romance sucks. It just does. I'm really sorry this turned out badly for you. Don't take what he said to heart too much and remember that what he said is from his perspective and that doesn't mean it's true. :hugs:

[LeftyFingerPop]

15. hello crim son

We don't really know each other, but I am compelled to give you my 2 cents.

I believe we spoke briefly the other day in the lounge, if I am thinking about someone else, I do apologize.

Are you the woman who posted the email from your boyfriend? The cutesy one where some folks were telling you to be careful with him?

If that was you, what I want to tell you is the following:

I am sorry for your pain from getting dumped, and...

The guy is a whack job.

I had a horrible feeling when I read that email he sent you. Guys just don't write things like that. I would venture to say that you are much better off.

I'm sorry for butting in like this to a stranger, but I had to say it.

Be well and take care of yourself.

philboy

edit: grammar

[Omphaloskepsis]

16. Have nice sleep..

Really, it sounds like you have emerged from a flaming ball of relationship nightmares.. Some "me" time might be in order. Take care of yourself before you get mixed up with a new guy. Get yourself straight before you worry about others. And a little hint.. If the guy shows up for the *th date he likes you. No need to feel insecure. He wants to spend time with you.

[Monk06]

17. You're too insecure = I want a relationship but no responsibility. Classic Hippie Lothario dodge.

[Omphaloskepsis]

18. "Classic Hippie Lothario dodge" What does that mean?

I'm curious..

[Monk06]

19. I grew up in the sixties during the "sexual" revolution. I met a number of

guys who used 'free love' as an excuse to
manipulate women all in the name of sexual
freedom. Trouble was freedom for women meant
don't say no or you'll get the ultimate put
down....

"Baby, what's wrong with you? You're so uptight."

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a prude but I saw a
lot of women hurt by guys who thought they were
Jim Morrison and who thought women existed to
worship them and pay the rent.

[TZ]

20. I've had this experience too...

and in my opinion, when he says you are too insecure, thats a cover for something else going on. Some issue HE has that he's not owning up to. Sorry to hear about that, but I think its probably for the best, even if it really hurts right now. I personally don't think you should worry about what you need to fix in yourself...just keep on being your self and don't let anybody else dictate who you should be.:hug:

[Callalily]

21. Hoping that

you're feeling better today. Nothing to offer you but a big :hug:

[KG]

23. love will come to you, when you are ready...

:hi:

[cobalt1999]

24. Getting dumped sucks.

No advice from me, just hope you feel better soon.

[skygazer]

25. WelI find getting dumped for it doesn't help the insecurity thing much

Kind of ironic, isn't it? You get insecure because previous relationships have made you that way and then you can't keep one because you're insecure. It would be funny in a way if it didn't hurt so fucking much.

I think the only way to recover from being insecure is to find someone who understands and works to build up your security again. I'm fortunate that I found that because I had a chip on my shoulder the size of Brooklyn when I met him.

Obviously, this guy doesn't deserve you. :hug:

[Lars39]

26. Time to grow your own "garden".

You'll find the right one when it's right. :hug:

[Debi]

27. Hugs to you crim son

:hug:

Just keep working on being content w/yourself. The right partner will eventually make their way to you. :loveya:

[Redbear]

28. You rock, crimson.

You are an amazing woman, mother, and friend to many here. He's just wrong.

[mainegreen]

29. Wow. Guess he's not very understanding.

Sorry. I suggest you do something totally frivolous and luxurious for yourself.
:grouphug:

[BarenakedLady]

30. What???

Oh no! I'm so so sorry. I know how tentative you were about letting yourself feel love again.

That sucks! I'm sorry, my friend.

Pm me if you need an ear. I'm here.

:hug: :cry: :hug:

[XemaSab]

31. Been there.

Done that. :(

[SarahB]

32. You know what he really means?

He means, "I just want sex, not a grown-up relationship with a complex human being who requires emotional involvement and dialog."

Move on. Do the things you love and in time it will work out. We're all secure on some levels. We're all insecure on others. He's a big baby.