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A Bizarro History of the New American Century
11/00 – After weeks of heated battling over the contended results of the Florida election results, Al Gore and his legal team succeed in convincing the Supreme Court to stop the recount – the result, Gore wins the election.
Q1/01 – In an unprecedented move, Gore co-opts traditional Republican values and proposes a massive tax cut whose primary benefit will be focused on the nation’s top 1%. He is successful in getting the tax cut passed. In defiance of the Clinton White House – seeking to define himself as his own man – Gore orders National Security Advisor Carol Mosley Braun to ignore the Clinton Administrations warnings about Al Qaeda and to focus on finding a foothold on the middle east.
08/01 – Gore takes a historic vacation – retreating to Memphis for the entire month – something never done before by any president.
9/11/01 – Moments before Gore enters a 3rd grade class in Florida, he is told that a plane has crashed into one of the twin towers in NYC. He proceeds into the classroom and reads to the children. After 20 minutes of reading aloud an aide whispers in his ear that a second plane has struck the other tower and that two other commercial airliners are missing. Gore is reported to sit and
stare, with a dumbfounded look on his face for up to several minutes before excusing himself. Another 10 minutes pass, a third plane has struck the Pentagon, and the 4th plane is reported down over Pennsylvania. At not time did either Gore or his VP Lieberman give an executive order to scramble planes for intercept.
With in the hour, Secretary of Defense Wesley Clark is demanding a link be found between “U.S.L and S.H.” so that military action can be started against Iraq.
9/12/01- 9/13/01 – While every airliner is ground, no private planes are allowed to fly and the only entrance into U.S. airspace can be conducted by military aircraft – Gore sends private charter planes around the country to pick up Saudi dignitaries – specifically members of the Bin Laden family (all of whom have close personal and financial ties with Gore). Once collected together – the Bin Ladens are flown to Paris with nothing more than a passport check from the FBI.
10/01 – Gore presents congress with his plan for homeland security. In this plan includes creating a set of laws which negate the protections guaranteed by the Fourth Amendment. With political deftness Gore leverages the panic and fear of the nation ands signs into the law the now infamous U.S. P.A.T.R.I.O.T Act. No one raises the issue of Constitutional Convention which dictates that
the only way to override the law of the Constitution is through the Amendment process. The United States as a “Nation of Laws” has been gutted by President Gore.
Q1/02 - Scandal rocks Wall Street as energy giant Enron is exposed to have participated in fraudulent accounting practices. Oddly, long time friend and campaign contributor of Al Gore – Ken Lay is denounced by his close friend as Gore claims that he doesn’t even know the man, despite a insurmountable pile
of evidence to the contrary. There is no congressional inquiry or public outrage despite the billions lost by average Americans.
Q1-Q3/02 – the economy limps along, jobs continue to flow overseas (now white collar ones too), OSL runs free, the optimism of the Clinton years is gone, and despite claims to the contrary the U.S. is no more secure than it has been for the past 100 years.
10/02 – With the mid-term elections approaching and an opportunity for winning control of the House and Senate, Gore launches his initiative to further his appearance as a “War Time” president. To do this he sends Secretary of State Colin Powell to the U.N. in an exploratory attempt to gain international support for an assault on Iraq. Left with only the support of Clinton lap dog
Tony Blair, the White House decides to rethink its strategy.
Seeing the lack of a viable coalition – Gore and Lieberman successfully strong arm the Legislative Branch into giving Gore the sole decision-making power to initiate an assault on Iraq. Again, no one bothers to note the Constitutional illegality of this action on the part of the Legislative branch.
In a strange and mysterious accident, Arizona Senator John McCain and his family die in a plan crash just outside of Tempe. This leaves Arizona – a key swing state open for a Democratic takeover.
11/02 – a predicted the D’s win both the House and Senate – Gore can now get rubber stamp approval on his agenda.
During this time, the now famous Gore Doctrine is announced. The Gore White House will accept nothing less than total economic and military primacy for the U.S.
02/03 - The infamous State of the Union address. Gore declares Saddam Hussein the premiere threat to U.S. security and its allies. Among the accusations include a direct tie between Saddam and Al Qaeda, Iraq’s recent attempts to acquire nuclear materials and their possession of voluminous amounts of chemical and biological weapons. These are all “facts” which will be proven
completely untrue within 60 days of making the claims.
In addition, he promises that the economic recovery that has begun will result in 260,000+ jobs a month between the time of his Union address and the Nov ’04 elections.
Gore and Powell tape together a paltry “Coalition of the Willing” – 30 nations who minus the U.S. and Britain don’t have the combined GDP of the State of
California. Most of who are only “Willing” because if they aren’t Gore plans to withhold desperately needed aide from them. Most of the Coalition is countries of them who don’t have a military with which to send any real boots on the ground. The island nation of Madagascar is barred from joining the coalition and loses its U.S. aide after deciding not to send 3000 monkeys to
be used for mine detection.
03/03 – Gore bombs Baghdad – the regime folds like a K-Mart deck chair.
Never having served in the military – Gore stages a speech costing taxpayers millions of dollars on board the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln, where he appears in a flight suit and declares an “end to major combat” in Iraq.
02-04/03 – More U.S. soldiers die after the declaration of the conflict being over. During this time, Gore seeks to slash combat pay and veteran’s benefits. The promised job growth is no where to be found. Evidence surfaces that on
August 6th, 2001 – a CIA memo was sent to the White House specifically detailing a terrorist plan “to use planes as missiles to attack U.S. targets” (NOTE: this occurred while President Gore was relaxing in Memphis). OSL is still frolicking in the hills of Pakistan (our ally despite their harboring of former Afghani Taliban and their own nuclear weapons program).
Additionally, no WMDs are found in Iraq – but the administration has rescinded ever saying that that was the purpose of the war and that the U.S. was doing the moral thing in freeing the Iraqi people. All good will from the international community from 9/11 is gone – Americans are being spit on while vacationing in hostile environments such as Sydney and London.
Oh yeah – Gore caught Hussein shitting himself in a concrete hole in the ground like some invalid dog. WOOHOO!
So the question is this – if all these things happened under Gore’s watch – would people be so forgiving, happy, feeling safer?
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