Things I Learned While Watching Star Trek: The Next Generation

[MrScorpio]

- All Klingons are into rough sex

- In the future, The French will speak with a perfect British Accent

- You can never escape from your obsessively nerdy children by fleeing to outer space. Your job will make you take them with you

- Even when you're fucked up the ass by a particularly bad alien species, hell bent on assimilating you, you'll never use the words: "WTF?!?!" EVER!

- By the 24th Century, there still won't be a cure for male pattern baldness



What has Star Trek taught you?

[Heidi]

1. What I learned is that I'm not a Trekkie.

:(

[kedrys]

2. Go on with your bad self.

:spank: :spank: :spank: :rofl: :hi:

[Heidi]

4. But it's TRUE!

CMW is the _real_ Trekkie in this household. :eyes:

How you and the hordes doin', friend? :hug: :loveya:

[kedrys]

5. The hordes are fine

They send their regards to you, Call Me Wesley, and The Excellent And Wiley Cat Named Ginger. :loveya:

Caesar's turning 16 on Labor Day. It's going to be a party party weekend. :party: :woohoo:

[Heidi]

6. Go Caesar!!!!!

Party like it's 1989 (the year of your birth)!!!!!!!! :par-tay: :mousieCake:

:P

[billyskank]

10. Well done, Ensign Crusher.

:loveya:

[Heidi]

11. !

:rofl: :spray:

Mornin', sunshine! Raining there, too? :* :loveya:

[billyskank]

12. Nope. Sunshine and blue sky here.

:*

:hug: :hi:

[Heidi]

13. :whine:

That's not faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair. :cry:

[billyskank]

14. ...

:hug:

:loveya:

[SeattleGirl]

3. Okay:

~All Klingons are into rought sex! (Bring it on, baybee!)

~The Picard Maneuver has, and can, save many lives.

~One Captain Picard is worth two Captain Kirk's.

And that's just the beginning.....

[Kutjara]

7. A partial list.

- Obesity has been cured, except in people/species who are required to provide comic relief.
- Hunger, disease and ignorance have been eliminated, but insufferable smugness lives on.
- Every being in the universe is really just a human in drag.
- Klingons aren't so bad, you just wouldn't want your daughter to marry one.
- Hide the family silver when the Ferengi come to visit.
- Medical science is very advanced, but you can still die from stupidity.
- Never meddle in other cultures' development, unless failing to do so would end an episode 30 minutes early.
- There is only one matter-antimatter intermix ratio, no matter what some idiots may say.
- Every alien culture is really just a manifestation of a stereotype of some human character trait.
- Reuse matte paintings at will, because viewers have no memories.
- Even species that have ascended to higher planes of existence will still enjoy coming back and fucking with us.
- Never, ever ever ever ever trust a Romulan.
- Whatever your chief engineer tells you, he's lying.
- Your ship's counsellor is a charlatan from Psychic Friends, and uses the same 'cold reading' techniques as carnival fortune tellers.
- The Borg pretend they're all egalitarian, but they're actually a matriarchal monarchy.
- If a major character ascends to a higher plane, the actor paying them just fucked up their contract renegotiation.
- If a major character dies, the actor playing them really really fucked up their contract renegotiation.
- If a major character who dies later returns, the actor playing them has recently blackmailed one of the producers.
- When ratings hit the skids, bring in a character from the original series.

[DarkTirade]

17. As an addendum to that last one...

when that is not possible (*cough* *voyager* *cough*), bring in a character with large breasts.

[Kutjara]

18. Oh yes, how could I have forgotten?

Voyager did try to capture some of the TNG magic by dragging Ryker into an episode (and Troi into a couple). And of course Enterprise had Ryker and Troi in the final episode, when it was too late.

But yes, indeed, a buxom Borg or voluptuous Vulcan can help ratings immensely.

[DarkTirade]

19. What was her name again... 36 of DD?

Seriously, I don't know which is worse... the fact that they tried to replace decent plot and good episodes with big boobs... or the fact that viewership actually went up when they did.

Although to be fair to Enterprise, they had T'Pol from the beginning. :) It wasn't a trick to get ratings for a failing show. I actually kind of liked Enterprise. Whereas Voyager... I find it rather hard to actually sit through it for any length of time.

[Kutjara]

20. I wasn't able to watch Enterprise regularly when it was on, but...

...I've recently started downloading Episodes from Amazon's video service. I must say, I'm really impressed with the show. The Xindi story arc had some good episodes in it and some of the standalone ones were pretty good as well. It's just a shame it didn't get more than 4 seasons and that the finale had to cram in about five season's-worth.

[DarkTirade]

21. There was also a story arc in there where Brent Spiner guest starred...

it tied up a few interesting loose ends. Told us a bit of the history of Kahn's genetically engineered people, explained why some Klingons in the original series had smooth foreheads, and gave us a hint of why and how Data was created.

Little known fact: The worst insult one can give to a klingon is "Your mother has a smooth forehead." :)

[Kutjara]

22. I'm coming up on those now.

I believe that was Season 4 stuff and I've just finished Season 3. Unfortunately, Amazon only currently has Seasons 1-3 available for download, so I'm either going to have to shell out for the Season 4 DVD or wait until Spike or the SciFi Channel catches up with me (they're currently on Season 2).

[DarkTirade]

23. Yarr, or ye could try to pirate it. Arrr.

Unfortunately I don't know any good suggestions as to where and how to do so. :)

[Kutjara]

24. True enough, but I like to pay for Trek stuff,...

...to encourage someone somewhere to consider that maybe there's an audience out here willing to pay money for new Trek.

It's the same reason I don't pay for Microsoft stuff, only in reverse. ;)

[DarkTirade]

33. I dunno, back when it was being run well I'd agree with you.

Now... not so sure. Seems to be being run into the ground with a bunch of bad decisions. Voyager sucked from the beginning... Enterprise had potential, but they didn't bother to advertise much so nobody knew about it until it was already floundering. They kept DS9 running past its prime when they should have let it go gracefully. Seems like businessmen are running it now instead of the creative people.
And they're not very GOOD businessmen.

[bridgit]

8. well, before i turn in i should mention i learned how important it is to be willing...

to alter the gravitational/cosmological streams of temporal space/time if one truly believes in one's ability to do so in the course of achieving their otherwise noble ends even at the expense of pulling entire planetary systems off kilter in the process...from the movie of course :thumbsup:





and yeah, Klingons are tough

Wiping blood off her mouth onto his lips with her finger after Soran strikes her
B'Etor: "I hope, for your sake, that you were initiating a mating ritual."

[krispos42]

9. Don't wear the red shirt!

Or in the case of the Next Generation, the yellow jumpsuit.

The ship's gravity works even with the power out.

Seatbelts are still under development.

Despite the fact that is makes much more sense to put the bridge in the middle of the ship, we'll keep putting it on the top where it can be hit by phasers and stuff.

[DarkTirade]

15. That you can fix any machine by reversing the polarity.

[radfringe]

16. If you narrow the frequency band you can teleport anyone from anywhere.

[DarkTirade]

34. If you retcon, you can explain away anything without actually fixing the problem. :)

[edbermac]

25. Counselor Troi was a hot babe.

Plus, nobody goes to the bathroom in the 24th century. How come the Borg never attack while Picard is sitting on the crapper?

[DarkTirade]

28. They actually made a reference to the bathroom thing in a Trek novel I read

It featured mostly the original cast, but the main character was an original one, who was trying very badly to be a Kirk wannabe. During preperations for a battle, the following quote comes up...


My hands were cold, and I had to use the head-- oh no, not now. Heroes never go to the bathroom! Horation Hornblower didn't, Superman didn't, Cyrus Centauri didn't-- but I did. Which proved who was a hero and who wasn't. As Spock worked under the console, I finally asked, "Uh, sir? Permission to step updeck?"


By the time she came back, the battle had started. :)

[NewJeffCT]

26. Vulcan women are pretty hot

T'Pring from the original Star Trek...

T'Pol in Enterprise...

[liontamer]

27. Even today a lot of french speak english with perfect british accents

as do a lot of swiss, russians,germans etc. If you study english from a very young age with british tutors and especially if you practice in England you will speak with a british accent.

and just cause klingon sex would be considered rough to our delicate human bodies, doesn't mean it's rough for them ;)

[cynatnite]

29. Here are a few...

1)Suck up to a Q in hopes he'll make me omnipotent
2)The Dominion homeworld would be a lousy place to vacation
3)Bush has a lot in common with Cardassians
4)Commuting to and from work on Earth is easy.

[Deja Q]

30. Data was, by far,

the most human character on that show. :evilgrin:

[DarkTirade]

35. Of all the souls I've encountered in my travels, his was the most ... human

[Vidar]

37. Great quotation.

[DarkTirade]

38. Although I think Spock might have taken offense if he'd still been alive. :)

[BlueIris]

31. In the 24th century, men still leave their socks on the cabin floor for their wives to deal with.

Or, maybe it's just Transporter Chief O'Brian who does that. Because he sucks.

[Scout]

32. that i want to be the filling in a Ryker/Picard Oreo n/t

[LanternWaste]

36. In the future, high heeled shoes are part of the uniform for women in combat...

What I learned:

In the future, high heeled shoes are part of the uniform for women in combat...

[mainegreen]

39. That in the future, the manufacture of all clothing materials other than spandex will be illegal.

And that all women will have large breasts or shapely legs.