CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:32 PM
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First Assignment for my Creative Writing Class... |
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The Kiss On the Beach
She opened her eyes
And saw him there leaning over her
Blue eyes smiling
Lips opening, beckoning
His kiss caught her virginal mouth
She felt smothered as she tried to escape
But she was stuck
By the sun and the sand and the noisy children everywhere...
Then he let go and it was done...
She gasped
All those endless years she’d waited
And now it was too much, too intimate...
Wait!
He leaned back down over her...
For another kiss...
Ah...
That was more like it
Now she felt his lust
It answered inside her...
And she smiled
Kisses on the beach...
From maidenhood ...
To womanhood....
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mac56
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:34 PM
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:37 PM
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Well!
Thanks, sweetie!
I hope the teacher reacts similarly....
:hi:
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Droopy
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:34 PM
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2. I remember my first kiss very well |
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There's nothing in the world like that feeling.
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:38 PM
Response to Reply #2 |
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There sure isn't!
This poem is my poetic attempt at my first kiss.....
I didn't like it at all!
Until somewhat later, anyway...:blush:
Thanks for coming by...
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Bjornsdotter
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:39 PM
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...you've described the experience so well. :hug: That is exactly what it is like...or at least it was a long time ago for me.
:applause:
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:44 PM
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6. My dear Bjornsdotter... |
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Oh, thank you!
I'm glad you identified with this ...
That's how it was for me too...many many years ago...too many years now...
But I remember it as though it were yesterday...
*sigh*
:hug:
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liberaltrucker
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:47 PM
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7. I'm not exacly a creative writing critic, but.......... |
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:cry: :cry: :cry:
:toast:
:loveya:
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:49 PM
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8. My dear liberaltrucker! |
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Why are you crying, sweetie?
Does it take you back to your first kiss too?
But I think you like my little poem!
Thanks!
:loveya:
:hug:
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liberaltrucker
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:56 PM
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billyoc
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:54 PM
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9. Wow, that's really something, CP. |
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I feel like a teenager again. :hi:
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:56 PM
Response to Reply #9 |
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Thank you...
I'm glad my little work was able to take you back to those days...
:hug:
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GRLMGC
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Sat Sep-01-07 10:57 PM
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It's always so fun to represent your memories through art.
I recreated my first kiss by filming sock puppets. Your experience lends itself to lovely poetry while mine lends itself to sock puppetry.
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 11:00 PM
Response to Reply #12 |
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Wow, thank you so much...
My art seems to be poetic these days...
I'm so pleased that you like my little work...
:hi:
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WCGreen
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Sat Sep-01-07 11:03 PM
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14. I wish my first kiss was like that... |
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I kissed Karen Kent while we were watching Bambi in an old Movie House in Cleveland...
I was about five or six...
I started early and have never looked back...
Good Poem, Peg...
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 11:06 PM
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15. Ah, thank you, Chris... |
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I wish your first kiss had been better too...
But things have improved a lot for you, now haven't they?
Glad you like my little work...
:hug:
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Lionel Mandrake
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Sat Sep-01-07 11:55 PM
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16. I've got your grade right here. |
CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat Sep-01-07 11:57 PM
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17. My dear Lionel Mandrake! |
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Oh, I can only hope my teacher agrees with you!
Thank you, sweetie...:hug: Of course...
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GoddessOfGuinness
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Sun Sep-02-07 12:05 AM
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I'll never forget my first kiss. I was 9 years old, and visiting my grandparents. This boy across the street told me he had a secret to tell me, and got me to go into Granddad's garage so he could "tell" me. I was horrified, and pushed him into the garage door. My grandfather came in, and the kid ran out like nobody's business. The other girls in the neighborhood, when I told them of the incident, said, "Oh I love Rodney's kisses!" :puke::puke::puke: :rofl:
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 12:13 AM
Response to Reply #18 |
19. My dear GoddessOfGuinness! |
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Oh, what a great story!
You were nine...I guess I was really a late-bloomer! I was 18, nearly 19!
And how old was Rodney?
Glad you like my little poem, sweetie!
:pals:
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GoddessOfGuinness
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Sun Sep-02-07 01:49 AM
Response to Reply #19 |
26. He was about my age...maybe a year younger... |
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As far as I was concerned at the time, boys pretty much had cooties.
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The Straight Story
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Sun Sep-02-07 12:22 AM
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20. Well, it got me all excited |
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well done my friend!
Now, where did the idea for it come from :)
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 12:32 AM
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21. My dear Straight Story! |
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It got you all excited, huh?
Well....I'm glad!
And the idea for it?
From my own first kiss on the beach, many, many years ago, sweetie...*sigh*
I was 18, almost 19....he was the boyfriend of my girlfriend...
And she had suggested I look him up when I visited my grandmother in SoCal...
He was a Greek God! I wish I had a pic of him...
This poem pretty much says it as it happened, except it took him three kisses to warm me up...
Glad you liked it, sweetie...Glad you're still here to enjoy it...:hug:
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libnnc
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Sun Sep-02-07 01:08 AM
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That is wonderful :bounce:
I love this part, "By the sun and the sand and the noisy children everywhere..."
very nice! :thumbsup:
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 01:12 AM
Response to Reply #22 |
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Oh, thank you, sweetie!
I'm so jazzed that you like my poem...
Yeah, I like that line too.......I have no idea where it came from, either!
Hope my teacher agrees with you!
:bounce: :bounce:
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RushIsRot
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Sun Sep-02-07 01:38 AM
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24. There were no beaches in Louisiana where I got MY first kiss. but |
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I was certain we would have to marry! Teen years bring back great memories for an old goat of 65! Lovely picture you painted with your words.
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 01:41 AM
Response to Reply #24 |
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Ah sweetie...you're not old! Not in my book, anyhow...I'll be 64 in November...
Thank you for your great compliments...
I really appreciate them!
:hug:
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Dr. Strange
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Sun Sep-02-07 02:02 PM
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27. With all due respect CaliforniaPeggy |
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That was a beautiful piece of writing... but I still think you should have taken Calculus.
My calc students NEVER put stuff like this in their homework: "His kiss caught her virginal mouth" Grading is so boring...
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 03:00 PM
Response to Reply #27 |
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Ah, you made me laugh!
Calculus? Me? :scared:
Don't you envy my teacher?
I'm glad you think my poem is beautiful, sweetie...
Thank you!
:hug:
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fizzgig
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Sun Sep-02-07 03:06 PM
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29. a perfect snapshot, peggy |
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Edited on Sun Sep-02-07 03:06 PM by kagehime
i know you'll get a wonderful grade :)
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 03:08 PM
Response to Reply #29 |
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Thanks, sweetie!
I'm just retelling my own story, in a poem...
I hope the class and the teacher feel similarly about it!
I didn't think I could write on demand, but it appears that maybe I can...
:hug:
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Rabrrrrrr
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Sun Sep-02-07 03:24 PM
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31. Whew! Let me go open the windows first... |
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there, that cooled it down a little...
I don't think I've ever been charged up by an older lady. :7
I like best when you use present-tense verbs (can't think of the technical term now - the ones with "=ing" at the end), and not past tense.
These three lines, for example:
And saw him there leaning over her
Blue eyes smiling
Lips opening, beckoning
It's very active, very present, very now, very immediate. Wonderful!
Imagine the poem with all verbs that way - opening, catches, feels, answering, smothering, escaping, smiles, and so on.
But, as I said - steamy! You have a poet within, grand madam!
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 03:50 PM
Response to Reply #31 |
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I am completely blown away by your praise...
Thank you so much!
I hardly know how to respond...
I hope to learn how to reveal my inner poet even more effectively as I take my class...
So you've never been charged up by an older lady?
I am indeed older....in years...
But my mind will always be young...
Blessings on you...
:hug:
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Callalily
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Sun Sep-02-07 03:59 PM
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I am swooning! Talk about imagery. I think you've got that part down pat.
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #33 |
34. My dear Simply Fugue! |
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Sweetie!
Swoon away...
I'm so honored that you like my work!
The imagery comes from my memories of my first kiss, so many years ago...
Love that smilie!
Thank you soooooooo much...:hug:
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Cabcere
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Sun Sep-02-07 05:32 PM
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35. That's beautiful, CalPeg! |
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:hi: :loveya: You do have quite a way with words. :thumbsup: That brought back some good memories for me...my first kiss wasn't on the beach, but some of my best ones were. :bounce: Thank you for sharing your talent with us!
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-02-07 06:40 PM
Response to Reply #35 |
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Well, I'm pleased your memories got a pleasant revival!
I hope to share my ability with you many times over this semester...
Thank you so much, sweetie!
:hug:
:loveya:
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