Classic one-liners from the original Hollywood Squares

[GreenPartyVoter]

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come
out and ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What
are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

[mainegreen]

1. 'Pineapple and a twenty?'

:rofl:

[BOSSHOG]

2. Oh, thank you My Dear

Great Way to start Friday.

[GreenPartyVoter]

9. Got them from my Dad. Will let him know you enjoyed them. :^)

[Tripper11]

3. These were great!

The old Hollywood Squares was so cool, even back then. Reading some of these and some of my memories of the old show it's preet surprising, at least to me, that the show was on during the day, and not at night with some PG13 rating had they had those back then!

[Deja Q]

4. 'tape measures'

:rofl:

[Bunny]

5. Q: Is a baby in the womb able to see light?

Paul: Only if its mother is a ballerina.


:rofl:

[Richardo]

6. "My sense of decency"

:rofl:

:patriot: Charlie!

[BurtWorm]

7. Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you!

(I needed that!)

[GreenPartyVoter]

10. Oh, good. Always glad to give someone a reason to smile. *hugs*

[TommyO]

8. Thank you!

I read these while on a conference call, thankfully muted.

[TreasonousBastard]

11. And so many more at...

http://www.classicsquares.com/


Peter Marshall: When Richard Nixon was Vice-President, he went someplace on a "good will mission," but instead wound up being stoned and shouted at. Where did this take place?
Paul Lynde: Pat's room .

Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?
Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.

Peter Marshall: Does the Secret Service have any women?
George Gobel: Of course, who do you think performs the secret service?

Peter Marshall: True or false...a new millionaire is made every 30 minutes.
Rose Marie: Not by me.

Peter Marshall: Do most women think a gambling casino is a good place to meet a man?
(Wayland &) Madame: I'll lay ya eight to five...or ten to midnight!

Peter Marshall: According to Parade magazine, on what night of the week is a woman most likely to be molested?
Rose Marie: With my luck it's tonight and I'm working...

Peter Marshall: True or false...most African soccer teams have their own witch doctor.
Redd Foxx: That's true...and their motto is, "If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em."

Peter Marshall: True or false...in Egypt, they grow a special kind of cotton that is multi-colored.
Paul Lynde: And white people have to pick it!

(But, "a pineapple and a twenty" is still one of the best)

[GreenPartyVoter]

14. Ooh, thanks! Is there a similar site for the Match Game, I wonder?

[maveric]

12. Paul Lynde was genius on that show.

"Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

[Deja Q]

13. Seconded! He was a comedic genius...

:rofl: