Rules for housepets

[GreenPartyVoter]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

1) The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

2) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

3) I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretche d out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

4) For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

5) The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

[ThomCat]

1. This very fun. But even if you could get them to understand

it would still be entirely futile. :rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

2. Oh, man. My kitties need to read this.

I'm talkin' to YOU, in particular, Tommy. I haven't been able to stretch out fully in my own bed for years because your warm little kitty body is always blocking my feet.

Oh, well, you're worth it. :loveya:

[mainegreen]

3. So true.

:rofl:

[Der Blaue Engel]

4. My cat is not merely content with lying stretched out on the bed

He must lie ON me. If I am rude enough to attempt to wake a limb numbed by his sprawling mass, he is quite put out, waiting in ruffled annoyance for me to lie still so he can take up residence once again.

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. Yah. my boy sleeps on my feet and my girl sleeps on my head.

[Inchworm]

5. Thanks for the laugh!

:rofl:

Fetch does not mean get stick and do Topgun tower fly-bys at top speed just out of my reach.

:P

[Gormy Cuss]

6. Oh noes. I haz bad nooz fer u.

Yer cats no haz read.

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. heheh

[Ahpook]

7. It's love:)

Deny? :)

[TorchTheWitch]

9. I see you've spent some time with my dog!

Why is it he has no problem at all allowing me to go up the stairs but does everything possible to prevent my going down even when he WANTS me to be downstairs???

And I've long since given up on using the bathroom in private... one way or another he'll make sure he supervises whatever it is I'm doing in there.

[Lil Missy]

10. LOL! I am always trying to crawl into bed without disturbing the pets.

My dog takes my side of the bed, and is so annoyed that i make his scootch over to let me in.

My one cat sleeps on top of me, usually on my legs, and gets seriously annoyed it I dare to roll over or move.

Seriously, I think they believe they own the place, and simply allow me to live here with them. Especially the cats.

[barb162]

11. Let me know when the dogs urinate on or the cats rip apart your rules.

[GreenPartyVoter]

15. LOL

[WillParkinson]

12. I just woke the dogs by laughing...

I hope they're not too angry.

[QMPMom]

13. This needs to be read repeatedly to our dog, Serge.

He absconded with about 8 fried Basa filets on Friday night while we were not paying attention. He really does think he needs to supervise all trips to the bathroom and last night he decided that his place to sleep was in the on my side of the king size bed leaving me about 12 inches of mattress.

[TZ]

14. "The stairway was not designed by NASCAR.."

Let me modify that by saying (since I have no stairways) the long hallway leading to my bedroom is NOT a runway and the spot on the bed next to my head is not a landing pad for flying kitty cats!!! :crazy:

[GreenPartyVoter]

16. My tigers are zipping back and forth through the trailer even as I type this. LOL

[LynneSin]

17. It's bad enough Abbott wants in the damn bathroom when I'm there but...

he wants to stick his nose right in there and SMELL

:scared:

Geez, not like I need to sniff him while he's using the litter box

:cry:

[Jokerman]

18. Cats are not allowed on the table without written permission.

Any application form for a "Table Top Permit" must be filled out completely, submitted in triplicate, and approved at least three weeks before the desired table top access.

Baffle them with bureaucracy.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. Feh. Nothing can stop them from going where they want. Not even a water pistol.

[CreekDog]

20. Water pistol, no, full cup of water, yes, after a few times

That's how I got my cat to stop being underfoot. Squirt bottle didn't work, so a couple of times, I filled a cup of water and when he got under me, splash, whole cup of water on his cute little head. Third time, he sensed a pattern --this is no longer a problem.

[GreenPartyVoter]

21. LOL too much work to clean that up. Will just have to live with

cats going where they want.

[Lindsey]

23. Very Good! n/t