Signs that a first date is going to be bad...

[hisownpetard]

Example: The first words out of his mouth are. "I probably should've told you this before, but..."

[rug]

1. "Don't mind that, it's healing nicely."

[hisownpetard]

2. Ooooog! nt

[taterguy]

3. The guy pees in public

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. The girl pees in public

[hisownpetard]

22. Ditto.

[hisownpetard]

5. That'll do it.

[JVS]

6. She keeps talking about her ex

[hisownpetard]

Yeah, I've gotta stop doing that! nt

[RetroLounge]

7. "hang on, it's my husband/wife on the phone"

:hi:

RL

[hisownpetard]

12. That's a deal-breaker, right there.

:hi:

Edit:'s

[RetroLounge]

23. Well, you would think, yes...

But I'm pretty flexible :D

RL

[hisownpetard]

28. A good thing, too!

[Writer]

8. "I have this funny little itch down..."

[hisownpetard]

14. That's a great way to get rid of someone who likes you, but you don't like them back.

Start to scratch and just say, "Damn critters..."

[Fire Walk With Me]

9. You also meet their probation officer.

[rug]

11. They show up with their probation officer.

[hisownpetard]

16. Are you and Peake co-ordinating your answers? nt

[Fire Walk With Me]

21. He was posting the correct version.

Edit: Or taking me to task for trying to one-up taterguy's post.

:)

[Guaranteed]

79. They're married to their probation officer. nt

[MrCoffee]

10. "don't you think George Bush is the bestest president ever?"

[hisownpetard]

17. I've dated my share of losers, but have never dated a Republican. And never will. nt

[MrCoffee]

20. i blind-dated a couple...bad times, let me tell you

[hisownpetard]

25. You blind-dated a couple? So, it was a threesome? nt

[MrCoffee]

26. how dare you take my perfectly innocent post and perv it up!

that's my job!

:rofl:


which isn't to say that i'd turn down a repug threeway.

[hisownpetard]

27. Hahahaa - you, Anne Coulter and Pat Buchanan?

[MrCoffee]

29. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!

how did you know about my dream last night?

[hisownpetard]

30. Oh God, I don't feel well...

[liberaltrucker]

13. "I'm gay"

Best rejection line I ever got.

:rofl:

[hisownpetard]

18. And did it work?

[liberaltrucker]

24. Sure did

Turned out, she was BSing me. Live and learn.

:shrug:

[Frosty1]

15. She reaches over and locks the car door .

and you're not in the car

[hisownpetard]

19. Yeah. Kind of hard not to take that personally! nt

[texas1928]

31. "The CDC said I shouldn't, but I think I am fine."

[hisownpetard]

33. Tell her you'll bring the wine if she brings the lab report...

[Dukkha]

32. the cell phone is put out on the table

and will be used many times during dinner

[hisownpetard]

34. Do people do that? I'd smack the thing to the floor!

[SalmonChantedEvening]

35. "But enough about me, what do you think of me?"

:)

[hisownpetard]

36. After 8 consecutive sentences beginning with the pronoun "I," the offended party

is permitted to get up, brush the breadcrumbs from their lips, and leave through
the nearest exit. (In southern states, the number decreases from 8 to 5, because
they speak more slowly).

[SalmonChantedEvening]

38. The I's have had it law?

:D

[hisownpetard]

39. Yes! Also known to some as the "Ay, ay, ay" amendment.

:toast:

[Cabcere]

37. He's my ex from high school?

:hide: :spank: Yes, I'm a terrible person. :P

[hisownpetard]

40. And he's still wearing the same sweater vest? Yeah, bad date. nt

[BlueIris]

41. If you're asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement before you head inside the restaurant.

[hisownpetard]

42. That definitely would qualify.

:hi:

[DarkTirade]

43. ... that might be a sign of a bad date, but it's also probably a sign of an INTERESTING date too.

I might stick around for that one just out of curiosity. :)

[hisownpetard]

44. If nothing else, at least it would make a good war story. nt

[DarkTirade]

45. ... except that you signed the non-disclosure agreement so you can't tell the story. :(

[hisownpetard]

48. Aha! Look closely and you will see that I signed it as...George Washington!!!!

[DarkTirade]

49. Brilliant! Now your blind date has been hoist by their own... um... hmm.

[hisownpetard]

52. Yeah, that...thing. (Worst screen-name I could've chosen. Unchangeable!)

[DarkTirade]

55. Well then, by choosing that screenname you were... umm... hmm... :P

[kaiden]

46. He's wearing a mock turtleneck sweater that zips up the back.

And plaid trousers.

[hisownpetard]

50. OK, this is getting a little too creepy now, ya know? Now, cut it out!

And welcome to DU!!
:applause: :hi:

[GOPisEvil]

47. Can you come over here? I can't be more than 100' from my house.

[hisownpetard]

51. And he wants me to bring the pizza?

[Perry Logan]

53. She screams.

[hisownpetard]

60. And she hasn't even smelled your breath yet...

[Dr. Strange]

54. "Do you mind if my parents come along?"

[hisownpetard]

61. Not a good sign. Not at all.

[Perry Logan]

56. She performs an elaborate "purification ritual" involving the use of human blood.

[hisownpetard]

62. Hers, yours, or otherwise?

[BlueJazz]

57. "You don't have an aversion to Needles, do you ??

[hisownpetard]

63. Is he an anesthesiologist?

[sarge43]

58. One of the date's parents accompanies him/her all night.

First words, "Hey, you look just like one of the Duras sisters." (Obscure Star Trek geek ref)

"Are you double jointed?"

"Are you up for Polynesian-Danish cuisine?"

[hisownpetard]

64. Are they paying?

[sarge43]

66. No. It's a bad date, remember? n/t

[hisownpetard]

67. Oh, great. First date, and already I have 3 new dependents.

[DarkTirade]

68. The Duras sisters were kind of butterfaces...

but I've been single long enough that I'd probably go for it...

[sarge43]

69. Planning to initiate a mating ritual? Make sure to bring a first aid kit.

:wow:

[DarkTirade]

70. I was thinking of bringing a bat'leh, but that works too. :P

[fudge stripe cookays]

59. He says...

"Hi, I"m Mike S***** and I'm a lawyer from Houston."

RUN, LADIES, RUN!

[baldguy]

65. You order hossenfeffer and its served as a whole carcass, head & all.

She tells you she's a vegetarian.

[hisownpetard]

71. Serves you right for not asking her what she'd like before ordering! Bad date, for sure.

[baldguy]

72. That's what I got for me.

Along with a bottle of Montepulciano d'Abruzzo. She got some sort of pasta - which she didn't eat.

She did drink the wine though...

[hisownpetard]

83. Oh - did that really happen? Are you a hossenpfeffer type of guy?

[Blue-Jay]

73. *ring ring*..."Hold on. That's my husband..."

[hisownpetard]

84. Covered that one, a bit upthread.

[baldguy]

74. I've got another one.

You go to meet her parents, and - as a joke - her dad pulls out a shotgun & points it at her moms head.

Laughs all around.

[hisownpetard]

86. No problem, as long as he didn't point it at yours.

[MonkeyFunk]

75. She offers you sweet tea

while she finishes doing the laundry, and Chris Hansen walks out from behind a curtain.

[Blue-Jay]

77. Why don'tcha have a seat right over there?

Go ahead, have a seat.

[MonkeyFunk]

85. God, I hate hearing that.

[hisownpetard]

91. I hate that girl, anyway. She's never ready on time, is always doing her damned wash and

never serves anything but sweet tea, some stale cookies, and Chris Hansen.

[MonkeyFunk]

93. I know!

I'm driving 4 hours to get there! Get the laundry done and bake some cupcakes, dammit!

[hisownpetard]

94. OMG - I just lost it!!!!!!! Too much!

[hisownpetard]

87. Now THAT's a bad date. Even if you hit the floor running, you're still gonna be a tv star!

[Richard Steele]

76. When she or he keeps calling their therapist for advice on the ongoing dinner conversation. nm

[petronius]

78. He didn't go to Jared...

:silly:

[LibDemAlways]

80. "I forgot my wallet. Can you loan me the money for

dinner? I swear I'll pay you back."

[hisownpetard]

95. Yup - I had that date, too!

[evlbstrd]

81. It's OK.

The kids will wait in the car.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

82. Some true stories:

1. He shows up in a dirty t-shirt and cutoffs and excuses himself after 15 minutes because he has an important intramural volleyball game.

2. The first words out of his mouth are, "Does it bother you that my daughter is a lesbian?" The rest of his conversation is equally out of nowhere.

3. He shows up at your front door, and his first words are, "You'll have to be patient with me because I'm a little bit drunk."

4. He orders three Manhattans before dinner. After dinner, he is offended because I'd rather take the bus home than drive with him.

5. On the way from the parking lot to the restaurant, he crosses the street to avoid a group of random black people who are waiting for the light rail.

[hisownpetard]

88. Please tell me these didn't all happen to you, brave soul!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

100. They did indeed, and they made me wary about answering personals ads

:-(

[hisownpetard]

101. Jeez, I don't blame you.

[Sacajawea]

89. Wow...LL...your losers sure beat my losers.....

I once went out to dinner with a guy and we sat in the restaurant so long and he ordered such a small amount of food that when we left I was more hungry than when we'd arrived. (Don't ask me why I was so passive about this....it was the very early '70s, I think, before I was in full feminist mode).

Then there was the guy (a REAL cheapskate) who drove who-knows-how-many miles out of his way to avoid paying the (then) $.75 toll on the Throgs Neck Bridge (in NY).

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO glad all of that crap is in the past!

[hisownpetard]

90. How about a first date for "dinner and a movie." Turns out KFC was closed, and

the XXXXVideoStore he pulled up in front of was out of business.
And so was my date, in short order.

True story.

[ThomCat]

102. Wow. Sounds like you've some absolute winners.

:(

[Pierre.Suave]

104. Oh, thats too bad

but life in the twin cities is interesting, isnt it?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

107. Most of those incidents took place in Portland

One took place in New Haven, Connecticut when I was a graduate student.

Only one took place in the Twin Cities.

[Capn Sunshine]

92. Handcuffs in plain view on the dashboard

or a visible .44 nagnum barrel sticking out from under the drivers seat.

[hisownpetard]

96. Not to mention the shovel, garbage bag and duct tape he asks you to hold

while he's driving.

[Capn Sunshine]

97. and he's wearing gloves- the plastic surgical kind

oops, one too many slasher flicks

[kwassa]

98. They have a current boyfriend they don't tell you about until later

I've had three different dates over a couple of years where the ladies involved had boyfriends that I didn't know about. One was trying to make an inattentive boyfriend jealous, the other two were more exploratory in nature.

Simple dishonesty.

Many, many years ago.

[hisownpetard]

99. Mm, sounds like a good start to a non-relationship.

[ruiner4u]

103. "I like to have sex on the first date"

"that way I can tell if I am going to feel anything for you"



bad date... Good lay tho...:)

[EstimatedProphet]

105. "Friday? OK. I should be done giving birth by then."

[Capn Sunshine]

106. Her ex works at the place she asked to go to.

And it turns out she's determined to put on a SHOW, no matter how X rated it gets.
Happened.