Vibe request--it's a big one

[huskerlaw]

A really good friend of mine just found out that her mom has breast cancer.

As if that weren't bad enough, here's the twist. My friend had a lung transplant a few years ago (she had cystic fibrosis), so her family decided not to tell her about the cancer, thinking it would cause a setback with my friend's health. She just found out today that her mom has been undergoing treatment FOR A YEAR. I'm not entirely clear on how she found out, but I know it wasn't her mom that told her.

All she knows at this point is that the cancer is "aggressive," that the original diagnosis was a year ago, and that her whole family knew the entire time, but didn't tell her.

Needless to say, she's devastated in more ways than one, and she could really use some Lounge vibes tonight.

:grouphug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. Done.

[huskerlaw]

7. Thank you.

:hug:

[GOPisEvil]

2. She's got 'em.

:grouphug:

[huskerlaw]

8. Thank you.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

3. Oh how awful..

Now she just feels twice the pain. I really wish they wouldn't have done that. :-(

Sending good vibes, thoughts, prayers... and hugs... :hug: :hug: :hug:

[huskerlaw]

10. I know...

I'm just speechless about it, really.

She's going to talk to her mom tonight. I can't even imagine how that conversation's going to go...

:hug:

[Der Blaue Engel]

4. Vibes coming her way now

:hug:

And :hug: to you for being a good friend.

[huskerlaw]

11. Thank you

:hug:

[liberaltrucker]

5. From us to y'all

:grouphug:

:hug:

[huskerlaw]

12. Thanks much

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. Vibes to your good friend, and her mom...

What a horrible way to handle things...

Honesty and real support are so damn key in family relationships...

It bugs me when other folks won't say what's going on ...

How arrogant to assume that she couldn't handle it!

And now she has so much else to deal with...

She has my complete support....:grouphug:

[huskerlaw]

14. That's the word...

Arrogant. I mean really, how dare they?

Essentially, they've robbed her of a year with her mom.

And now, in addition to being devastated about the diagnosis, she's rightfully pissed off and thoroughly hurt.

Plus, she's been doing fine with her new lungs. Her health is actually pretty excellent. And she's in medical school, she's not a frail little weakling.

I don't understand how some people think.

:hug:

[Writer]

9. Oh how awful.

Your friend has all my vibes for the evening ~~~~~~~~~

~Writer~

[huskerlaw]

15. Thank you

:hug:

[Cabcere]

13. Oh, wow...that's rough.

:( Sorry to hear that, huskerlaw. My thoughts & prayers are with your friend & her mother. :hug: :grouphug: :hug: Peace.

[huskerlaw]

16. Thank you.

She definitely needs them.

:hug:

[Flaxbee]

17. Vibes going out to her

But - I can kind of understand it, if those were her mom's wishes. My sister has aggressive breast cancer, and I am glad I know, but she is also intensely private and needs a lot of space.

It was wrong of the family not to tell her, but --

Is she in med school anywhere near her family? Were they also concerned that perhaps she'd want to move, or transfer, or something?

I can understand how she must feel, imagining what I'd feel like if I didn't know about my sister.

[huskerlaw]

21. Thank you.

I can understand not telling her until everything was certain...the diagnosis was final, the course of treatment was set, etc. But not telling her for a YEAR? When was she supposed to find out? What if her mom died? What were they supposed to tell her then?

She's in med school in the same state. She's in her 2nd year, so she was already set with location, etc.

[crim son]

18. I'm sending them right away.

:hug:

[huskerlaw]

22. Thanks

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

19. Oh my, how sad.

I'm sure the family thought they were doing the right thing, and I know if I were in your friend's shoes, I would be devastated too.

My best wishes for your friend, her mom, and the family.

[huskerlaw]

23. I'm sure they thought

they were doing the right thing. But what if her mom died? When, exactly, were they going to tell her? WHAT were they going to tell her?

She's 24-years-old, she's an adult, and they had NO right to keep it from her, IMO. Well intentioned or not.

Thanks for the good thoughts, obviously they all need them!

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

26. I agree. I'm in that situation, minus your friend's medical issues,

concerning my mom. She has been ill, and at times ends up in the hospital. In September, she went into the hospital and was there for THREE weeks before I found out. I had left a message for her, and sent her a couple of emails, and then I got an email from one of my brothers-in-law saying mom was STILL in the hospital.

I had a come-to-Jesus meeting with my sisters (I didn't get in their faces exactly, but was very clear), and told them it was very important to me that I know what is going on with mom, good or bad. She lives three hundred miles from me, so I can't exactly just pop over to see her.

They were sorry; they said they didn't call because it was more of the same old, same old. Nevertheless, I still want to know.

[huskerlaw]

29. I've been there too

on a much smaller scale. My mom has forgotten to tell me that my grandmother was in the hospital. Like you, because it was same-old, same-old. And she's also really bad about letting me know what's going on with her. One time, she had a breast biopsy and didn't tell me about it until afterwards.

I was livid. And it turned out to be nothing. There also wasn't a conscious decision to make sure I didn't know, or my entire family deciding that I wouldn't be able to handle what was going on.

Which is why I can't even imagine what my friend is going through right now. :(

[Shine]

20. Good vibes comin'. ...

that's a rough one. Hope all is well with both your friend's health and her mothers. :hug:

[huskerlaw]

24. Thank you

She's having a rough night, obviously. But the thing is, her health is really good. She was near death a few years ago, but her lung transplant has been a huge success. Thank God.

As for her mom...I have no idea how she's doing. My friend found out about it from another family member, who didn't know the details because the mom isn't really telling anyone what's going on (aside from telling them all originally).

Thanks for the vibes!

:hug:

[Capn Sunshine]

25. {{{{{{{good Ventura VCounty vibes}}}}}}}}

One day at a time amigos

[huskerlaw]

27. Thank you much.

:hug:

[Connonym]

28. Oh man! that's awful

sending good vibage

[huskerlaw]

30. Thank you.

Awful indeed. :(

:hug:

[Audio_Al]

31. Had to face telling my young children that their mother was dying...

And these were children ages 13, 11, and 8.

The doctors said that I should do it gently... "No, Mom is not getting any better. If she does come home, it will be just for a little while. Her treatment is to keep her comfortable, not to save her life. It's going to be a bad outcome. We all have to be very strong. We can visit Mom in the hospital. Aunt Esther and Uncle Ron are coming to live with us for awhile. Eventually, we have to say goodbye." (All of this was delivered in little doses whenever they asked about her.)

Their mother was diagnosed with inoperable stomach cancer. She wasted away to just a tiny thing of about 90 pounds and eventually died in October 1971.

I can't imagine any reason not to tell the truth to family members -- even if they're sick and even if they're children.

I send your friend my thoughts and hope she finds the strength to forgive what appears to be heartless advice from her own family. Hopefully, there will be peace sometime soon.

Respectfully,

Audio Al

[huskerlaw]

32. Thank you for your thoughtful words

I'm sure that her family thought they were doing the right thing. I don't understand their thought processes, really it could only end badly. And of course, it has. They've ended up hurting her far worse than if they would have just told her.

I can't imagine how difficult it would be to tell your children that their mother is dying. Unfortunately, as you said, you just have to. Kindly, gently, but keeping the truth from them doesn't help. Reality has a way of making itself known.

:hug:

[redqueen]

33. Oh that's awful...

vibes on the way. For the whole family... wow.

[huskerlaw]

35. It really is

:(

:hug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

34. Many supportive vibes here

for your friend and for her mom.

What a terrible shock for her to learn about this knowing it had been kept from her for so long.

Please give your friend many :hug: :hug: :hug:

[huskerlaw]

36. Thank you

I can't imagine how she feels. Learning that your mom has breast cancer is bad enough. Learning that she purposefully kept it from you for a year...well...that's almost worse. :(

Thanks for the vibes, they need them!

:hug:

[Phillycat]

37. Jesus! What a mess.

Vibes on their way...

[huskerlaw]

40. Indeed!

Thank you.

:hug:

[Kajsa]

38. Good vibes coming her way, huskerlaw.

A big :hug: to you and her.

And a big :grouphug: to her family.

You're a good friend.

[huskerlaw]

41. Thank you

She and her family need it. I can't even imagine... :(

:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

39. all my best.

:grouphug:

[huskerlaw]

42. Thank you

:hug:

[MissMillie]

43. vibes to the whole lot of you

it sounds to me like besides the physical illness, there's some disfunction there. They all could use all the help they can get.

and you can use a hug

:hug:

[huskerlaw]

44. You know,

that's the most surprising part...I've always thought that my friend and her mom were extremely close. I think she thought they were too. :(

:hug: