Annoyed by people pushing food at you that you don't want?

[TrogL]

I'm skinny. I don't eat much. If I do eat too much, I get sick.

For years I would go to family events and people would push food at me and insist I eat it or would declare it a breach of hospitality.

Finally found a way to get people to leave me alone. I simply declared, at performance volume, at a certain pushy aunt...

"Lookit!! Someone with a weight problem like you shouldn't be telling people how to eat!"

I don't get invited to family gatherings anymore.

[NashVegas]

1. Wow.

Was it too difficult to simply say that her behavior upsets you, without trying to be hurtful?

[TrogL]

8. she simply would not listen

This was on the second day of a visit. I'd already put up with it for lunch, mid-afternoon snack, supper, midnight snack, breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, mid-afternoon snack, most of supper.

I had already tried everything I could think of including making a joke of it ("I'm trying to maintain my girly figure"), saying that too much food made me nauseous ("Well, if you'd eat more, then food wouldn't make you ill" :wtf:) that some foods gave me heartburn ("Oh, don't be silly, you can't get heartburn from good food") and it wasn't until she insisted I have a third helping of mashed potatoes (which make me both nauseous and gives me heartburn and cramps) that I'd finally had enough.

[NashVegas]

16. That's Not Quite the Same Thing

Saying things like "I'm on a diet," and "it'll give me heartburn" are passive (manipulative) ways of dealing with someone trying to persuade you to do something you'd rather not.

By making up excuses, you're giving her the opportunity to find a way around your excuses. ie, getting you to take that second helping becomes the goal.

In your shoes, I'd explain that her attempts to control my eating habits were upsetting and that I wanted it to stop. No more excuses need to be made - you're an adult and should expect to be treated like one. Coming at a family member who is upsetting you with an *attack* of your own isn't going to help anything in the long run, mainly because someone who's busy trying to defend isn't going to think about their own behavior so much.

I would also apologize for using such harsh words.

[pitohui]

18. older people often think they know better and don't listen, so what?

if you're going to have a confrontation every time an older member of the family thinks they know better than you do, you're going to have a lot of confrontations or else you just can't attend family gatherings at all

pick your battles, this one wasn't worth it unless what you truly wanted was to be left out of the family at holidays -- in which case, okay, well-played sir

[rug]

2. No kidding, every other morning I wake up with a pancake on my face.

[kedrys]

3. It irks me no end

The fact that it's usually been the s.o. doing it when I visibly need to lose a crapton of weight doesn't help. I've had to resort to being rude on more than one occasion (not recently, thank bog). :(

[YellowRubberDuckie]

4. Wow. That was hostile.

Couldn't have thought up something a little nicer? My dad was one of those people who was always worried that everyone was hungry or had enough to eat. He grew up poor and probably missed a few meals, and didn't want to see anyone else go hungry. Wow. No wonder your family doesn't invite you anywhere anymore. I wouldn't either.
Duckie

[pitohui]

5. i agree with duckie

when i was young i must have had a tapeworm or something, my overwhelming memory of early childhood is being hungry absolutely all the time and never having enough to eat

to this day, apparently i anxiously inquire at the end of every meal, sometimes several times, if the people present have had enough to eat

i didn't even know i was doing it until it became an "in joke" among my circle of friends

i'm not overweight so it doesn't come from wanting others to be heavy, it's just some kind of tic that i really can't control, even having been made aware of it

like duckie's dad, once you've been hungry, it's something that sticks with you and you don't want to see those you care about go hungry, it's an instinctive thing

it is not easy to hold down a lot of food when you are underweight, that is for sure, but the way to deal with it is just to take a little of what they are offering and stir it around on your plate, or slip it to the nearest dog or parrot, that's what i do, sometimes even a cat will help me out here :-) it's really hard for people who have never been skinny to understand that you can't actually eat that much, most still believe the eat more/gain weight myth and believe they are being helpful (i am of normal weight but certainly i remember not being able to digest fat and being certain i would vomit or actually vomiting if i ate too much, i DO sympathize)

[TrogL]

9. Nice wasn't working - see above

[pitohui]

17. how was nice not working?

the lady wasn't literally pushing the food into your mouth, she was just asking a question

in this situation, it's a rare case of where passive-aggressive is best and more pleasant for everyone

either keep laughing and saying, "no, no, thanks, i can't manage another bite" or let her pile your plate high and slip it all to the dog

screaming at someone at the family xmas party is why so many family xmas parties are miserable and in this situation (which i've been in as well as caused) just doesn't call for desperate measure

i admit that the poster downstream who claims that the lady actually tried to spoonfeed by force, well, okay, but i don't really believe that story i guess, i think it's a colorful exaggeration of how the person was feeling but if true could have been dealt with the way baby deals with, by closing mouth firmly and shaking head

anything's better than screaming at someone, it makes not just the lady feel bad but everybody at the party feel bad

and it just isn't worth it over something like this

keep in mind, they think they are flattering you by calling you skinny, that's the society we live in, it isn't cool to give hurtfulness in exchange for kindness

my opinion anyway, sorry

many women are raised that to be on the safe side, it is much better to continue offering food than to appear stingy and not

[RedCappedBandit]

6. Arg

It irks me when people continue to ask me to eat more and more food after I have already told them numerous times that I'm not friggin hungry..

[noamnety]

7. I can sympathize

I went through that with inlaws when I had morning sickness, ugh. I was throwing up many times a day, and my mil would NOT stop putting food on my plate. Once when I said I felt sick and didn't want any more, she actually grabbed my spoon, loaded it up with food from my plate, and tried to force feed me like I was in a high chair. If you've ever been on the verge of hurling and had someone push unwanted food at your mouth, well, you can imagine.

I can understand how it got to this point, because with some people you can tell them a thousand times politely that no you don't want any more, you'd really prefer they didn't do this, on and on, and they don't hear polite.

I know people in this thread are saying you're being rude, but with some folks you need to put the fear of your overblown reaction into them to leave you alone. I wouldn't insult their weight, I'd be more likely to say "Wow, it's incredibly rude for you to be so obsessed with what goes into my body" because that really is the issue. But I will say commenting on her weight doesn't seem so much ruder than her reacting to yours.

I'm glad I don't have to deal with that scene anymore. I have a short fuse with people who can't figure out the boundaries between making their own decisions and trying to control other people's lives.

[GirlinContempt]

10. Well, that's one way to

show people the error of their ways! Be a total dick!

Good job.

[Skittles]

11. throw the food at them, TrogL

I guarantee it stops their, er, "pushing".

[Ellen Forradalom]

12. Auntie's outrageous lack of respect

was met by your equal and opposite lack of respect. Natural consequences, that's all.

[NV Whino]

13. A bit over the top...

but probably the only thing you could have done. I sympathize.

I was in a relationship once where food was continually pushed at me. I would say that I felt like only a salad. The next thing I knew, there was a plate full of food set in front of me. And then an emotional scene when I didn't eat it. That relationship didn't last too long.

[Aristus]

14. "Breach of hospitality"?

Hospitality means making your guests feel comfortable and at home in your home. Berating you for not eating is the real breach. :eyes:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

15. I'm sure you're missed ...

they were just looking out for you not trying to make you swallow illegal narcotics.

[Marrah_G]

19. I probably wouldn't invite you again either

You sort of bit off your nose to spite your face. I hope you don't come to regret it in the future.

I can relate though, in the opposite way. I am heavy so every item I pick is scrutinized. I've learned to ignore it over the years because spending time with my family is more important then telling off the person who means well but is obnoxious.