TIPS on how to run from a tiger

[underpants]

(in the form of a Walter Payton story)

Okay the late great NFL running back Walter Payton and his fullback Matt Suhe (not to be confused with current NY Yankee outfielder Matsui) were on a bow hunting trip in Alaska. No they weren't hunting FOR bows they were hunting WITH bows now stop distracting me. Suhe wakes up to see Payton putting on his boots.

Suhe says, "what are you doing?"

Payton, "Be quiet there is a bear right outside in our campsite"

Suhe sort of laughs and says "Walter you don't really think you can outrun a BEAR do you?"

Payton says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you."


----

THIS is the point of this story. If you encounter a bear or a tiger or anything else that might kill and/or eat you you need to remember three things
1. stay calm
2. stay focused
3. get in front of someone else fleeing from the situation so as to act like a buffer. This is even more reason to work around small children or the elderly or anyone slow afoot.


That is all.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear underpants...

You, sir, are wicked funny!

:rofl:

[ProfessorGAC]

2. As Soon As I Read Your Title. . .

. . .i thought of that joke. I was actually going to post it, but didn't have to.
The Professor

[many a good man]

3. 4. Exclaim loudly: "Feets, don't fail me now!"

It also helps if you run with your arms outstretched in front of you.

[av8rdave]

4. Actually, you'll never outrun the tiger. You can also try assuming the protective position

Sit on the ground, draw your knees up to your chest, double over to place you head between your knees, and kiss your ass goodbye!

[EnviroBat]

5. No no no... You need to go all Caesar Milan on the Tiger.

In an authoritative tone, simple say "Schp". Give a quick, forceful jerk on the tigers collar, and viola! Calm, submissive tiger.

I've also heard that you can throw a handful of your own feces at the tiger. This will confuse, and offend it long enough for you to get away.

[Midlodemocrat]

6. See, I always have a package of ground beef in my purse for just such an emergency.

[AngryAmish]

7. Matt Suhey

Good old number 26

[underpants]

8. d'oh!!!!

Damn messed that up

[flvegan]

9. And for insurance, a good kick in the knee.