Bucky
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Mon Jan-14-08 12:32 PM
Original message |
Ah ha! Time again for Bucky's patented "How to Get the Babes" advice |
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So, young man, you're looking to "score" with the "ladies." Well, say no more. You're in for the best advice of your "life." - Finding quality women is the first step to any attempt to woo the fairer sex. Ideal locations include beaches, supermakets, retirement homes, cheerleader camps, and gym lockerrooms--anywhere you're likely to find a favorable male-to-female ratio. Make sure you bring along a pair of binoculars so that you know the right one to "pick out."
- Once on the date, call her "babe" a lot. This has the ancillary effect of preventing you from calling her the wrong name (e.g. "mommy")
- Gold chains. LOTS of gold chains. Best if you leave your shirt unbuttoned to the navel so they can see the whole chain
- Collapsing beer cans against the forehead. This assures the ladies that you can protect them in case you're suddenly attacked by flying clown ninjas. (Note to HypnoToad: it's better if you use your own forehead instead of the lady's)
- Let her know you appreciate her appearance. Say things like "You're hot" and "Check out them hooters" and "Woooohoooo!" frequently.
- Remove the price tag from the flowers. I highly recommend plastic flowers as they never go bad.
- "Accidentally" leave the price tag on the jewelry you buy her. She knows you love her, but she deserves to know exactly how much you love her.
- Women want to be know that you'll stay with them for the long run. Reassure her by letting her know that her mother has a "sweet ass."
- If her sister has a sweet ass, keep it yourself. I won't tell you how I learned this lesson, so you'll just have to trust me on this one.
- Women love a man who knows how to cook. When you make a beer run to the grocery store, stop by the frozen food section and stock up.
- When she's sharing her deepest feelings, nod frequently and make sure your ear with the MicroWalkman in it is turned away from her. (Note to HypnoToad: keep the volume turned down too!)
- Serenade her. Pick a timeless classic so that she feels like you think she's a classic. I suggest "Every Breath You Take" by the Police as stalking lends that extra spice to any relationship. Don't forget the winking and making little finger-pointy hand pistols at them once they're locked in the car. Drives 'em wild.
- More suggestions courtesy "Donating Member" Satasuspect (and I think you know what I mean by Donating Member) (and if you don't know what I mean, I mean "penis"):
- Women like it when you order their food for them, it shows them you are decisive and strong enough to know what is good for them.
- Women really love braggadocio: starting fights with strangers who look cock-eyed at you while you are out with your lady is sure to win points, same goes for verbal altercations: it shows you are strong enough to protect them.
- Everyone knows that women are silly creatures whose purpose is to please a man, so being boorish and demanding just brings out that feminine urge to nurture even more.
- Women "adore" cutesy names: jiggles, sweetypants, funbags, etc. are sure to warm their tender hearts.
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flvegan
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Mon Jan-14-08 12:41 PM
Response to Original message |
1. Good advice, but I disagree with #9 |
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If her sister has a sweet ass, I make a point of it. I also ask if there's any chance for a three way. They'd know I was thinking it anyway. Might as well get it out there in the open.
:rofl:
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Bucky
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Mon Jan-14-08 01:30 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
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But proceed with caution. Be prepared to just tap it on the side.
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LeftyMom
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Mon Jan-14-08 01:33 PM
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3. I was going to point out that certain DUers need to read #9, |
youthere
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Mon Jan-14-08 01:39 PM
Response to Original message |
4. #14 Learn to belch her name. |
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Not only will this reveal your more sensitve side, but it shows commitment AND creativity. She'll practically fall over with her legs in the air.
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Bucky
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Mon Jan-14-08 01:45 PM
Response to Reply #4 |
6. Ah, to woo a lady with poetry. |
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"Belgian" is as good as French (specially when she can smell the garlic).
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youthere
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Mon Jan-14-08 01:47 PM
Response to Reply #6 |
7. Dirty Limericks are almost as good as the belching... |
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especially when you can incorporate her name.
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Bucky
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Mon Jan-14-08 03:30 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
11. extra especially when her name... |
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Edited on Mon Jan-14-08 03:30 PM by Bucky
... is Delores.
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matcom
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Mon Jan-14-08 01:43 PM
Response to Original message |
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when introducing your lady to others out in public, let people know how you two met. I recommend starting off by saying, "I scored this piece of ass at the...."
It really lets people know that you made a concerted effort to woo your catch.
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CGowen
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Mon Jan-14-08 01:48 PM
Response to Original message |
8. There is a lot of stuff missing between 1 and 2. No pick-up lines ? n/t |
Bucky
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Mon Jan-14-08 01:52 PM
Response to Reply #8 |
9. The moderators don't let me post that any more. |
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That's because in my patented, proven system of "Gettin' the Babes," instead of using pick up lines, I recommend chloroform and an unmarked getaway van.
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xchrom
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Mon Jan-14-08 02:35 PM
Response to Original message |
10. you said ''funbags''! |
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:rofl: i LOVE ''funbags''.
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mikeytherat
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Mon Jan-14-08 04:07 PM
Response to Original message |
12. Two more (from the Zapp Brannigan book of romance): |
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"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take off your pants and dance around a little?"
"I've always found that the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."
mikey_the_rat
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Sun May 05th 2024, 01:26 PM
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