applegrove
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Wed Jan-16-08 08:58 PM
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Funnies for those of you who attend church or fellowship - or anyone really |
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They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for church ladies with word-processors.
These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release).
---------------------------------------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." -------------------- ------ -------------------------------- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ---------------------------------------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ---------------------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ---------------------------------------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. --------------------------------------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------------------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---------------------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ---------------------------------------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ---------------------------------------------------------- The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." --------------------------------------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. --------------------------------------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. --------------------------------------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. --------------------------------------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. --------------------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ------------------------------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.. ------------------------------------------------ --------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ----------------------------------- ------ ----------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. --------------------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. ---------------------------------------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. --------------------------------------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ---------------------------------------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance. ---------------------------------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
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Sanity Claws
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Wed Jan-16-08 09:12 PM
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applegrove
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Thu Jan-17-08 07:34 PM
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3. I thought it was sweet. Glad you enjoyed it. |
UrbScotty
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Wed Jan-16-08 11:31 PM
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2. I am sending this to my family and friends! |
applegrove
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Thu Jan-17-08 07:35 PM
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4. I sent it off to all my email family too. |
CreekDog
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Fri Jan-18-08 12:34 AM
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5. We are just lowly volunteers! You expect perfection? |
UrbScotty
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Fri Jan-18-08 06:00 PM
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CreekDog
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Fri Jan-18-08 06:37 PM
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8. oh crap, was afraid of that |
KitchenWitch
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Fri Jan-18-08 12:35 AM
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applegrove
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Fri Jan-18-08 08:41 PM
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11. I love the lawyer ones too. |
Lydia Leftcoast
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Fri Jan-18-08 07:43 PM
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9. A real-life misprint of that type: |
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One of the colleges I taught at had a chaplain who sent in badly handwritten notices announcing events such as Bible study or special services to the office that published the daily campus bulletin.
One day, he wrote a memo to announce a special Communion service for Holy Thursday.
There were two problems: 1) His handwriting was as bad as ever, 2) This was in overwhelmingly secular Oregon, where, for several generations, about 2/3 of the population has had no religious affiliation and is often unfamiliar with religious vocabulary, as I found in several encounters over the years.
The announcement was published as "a special Communism service."
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applegrove
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Fri Jan-18-08 08:39 PM
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SeattleGirl
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Fri Jan-18-08 09:07 PM
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Fri May 03rd 2024, 09:34 PM
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