Who are the pathetic douchebags who actually watch infomercials?

[Rabrrrrrr]

I was just sitting here thinking about how much I hate infomercials and other charlatans after a commercial for some unproven medical miracle cure showed up on an advertisement.

And I thought, wow, these immoral and unethical jackasses will sell anything.

But then, I thought - "Wait! Don't complain about the snake oil salesmen. The fact that they exist, and that so much of early morning programming is dedicated to half hour paid commercials for fake medical shit and other untested, unproven, awful shit - that means that there's a HUGE population of douchebags who actually make it financially advisable for the charlatans to pay for half hour commercials!"

Who are those douchebags?

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. According to a comedian, they're the same ones who -will- take the time to answer a telephone poll

And as such, determine many things in our country!

[Redstone]

2. Pathetic, infomercial-watching douchebags for the most part, I'd guess.

Redstone

[Blue-Jay]

3. I'M BILLY MAYS!!!

[Blue Diadem]

5. why does he shout all the time?

I hate the sound of his shrill voice.

[Blue-Jay]

7. And why does he think he's Fonzie?

ayyyyyyy!

[Blue Diadem]

9. and his hair and beard color are sooooo fake.

Heh..all he needs is a leather jacket..

but he ain't no Fonze! (no matter how much he tries)

[Kutjara]

15. All I can think when I see him is...

,,,"GI Joe with lifelike beard and kung-fu grip."

[Maraya1969]

25. I bought the Hercules Hook and I think it's great. But I didn't watch a whole

infomercial on it. It was that Billy Mays guy though. I hung a heavy mirror with just one of them and didn't even need a hammer.




http://www.asseenontvguys.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=186&gclid=CI-G6fGTk5ECFSBMGgodbAQwPw

[zanne]

8. And why are commercials louder than regular programming? nt

[Blue Diadem]

11. I hate that too..but it could be worse

they could all use Billy big mouth.

[Orrex]

18. Believe it or not, I think that we can thank Reagan for that

I'm not sure where I read it, but I believe that he blocked some policy that would otherwise have required commercials to air at the same volume.

It's been a while, and I may be totally misremembering, but I'll see if I can find a link.

[hisownpetard]

19. He shouts because he puts on too much after-shave. They always go hand in hand.

Also because he dyes his hair too dark, so he has to shout to go along with how dark his hair looks.

[DS1]

31. Billy Mays

I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Billy Mays, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!

[KG]

4. the same ones that watch cooking shows on the Discovery channel

:hide:

[CreekDog]

6. I can't help it, the cable was out

:shrug:

[stuntcat]

10. SOMEONE watches the Home Shopping Network

:puke: :puke: :puke:
(If it's any of you I don't wanna know it okay.)

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. The neighbor who plays I Spy With My Beady Little Eye

from her front door to make sure my dog is on a leash loves to order stuff from QVC. Obviously she has a rich, fulfilling life :eyes:

[China_cat]

34. It's my sister.

UPS sends HER thank you cards.

[Ellen Forradalom]

12. Douchebags who can't sleep

I was a huge fan of the hilarious, much-missed Miss Cleo. She kept me company on sleepless nights during my pregnancy.

[Fire Walk With Me]

13. (you're watching an infomercial, aren't you?)

[Jamastiene]

14. Does falling asleep before they come on and

being too tired to turn the television off count? In that case, I'm definitely a douche bag. If not, then I'm not. :P

[Kutjara]

16. "Nobody ever went broke underestimating...

...the intelligence of the American public." Infomercials are empirical proof of that conjecture.

[Orrex]

17. Guthy Renker is the force that holds the universe together

Mock Guthy Renker at your peril.

[hisownpetard]

20. Really? I thought it was Billy Mays's MIGHT PUTTY.

[Orrex]

23. MIGHTY PUTTY is simply an avatar of Guthy Renker

And KABOOM is the divine hand of Guthy Renker that washes filth from the firmament.

[Joe Fields]

24. I will prove that Guthy Renker has a disease all in my house!

[Robeson]

21. People who decorate their houses with prints by Thomas Kinkade.

[stuntcat]

30. okay

I had to look him up, this is the quaintest most precious shit! :puke: :puke:

[last_texas_dem]

26. Not me

I do, however, watch those half-hour paid programs for Time-Life music collections, which possibly put me dangerously close to the being the type of person who watches infomercials. Or maybe those *are* infomercials- what do I know?

[TZ]

27. Ummm

My older sister and her husband LOVE infomercials...He's a repuke...and she...well..I think I'm adopted:blush:

[Chovexani]

28. Er. I watch them when I have insomnia for a laugh

The Magic Bullet one's hilarious. The mean old biddy with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth cracks me up.

I love poking holes in the ridiculous sales pitches too.

[chknltl]

29. Depends on how much pot I've had...

...if I am so faded that I can not figure out how to opperate the remote control, then the lowly test-pattern will become a work of art...Infomercials seen through those goggles become works of pure genius at that point...well except for the food ones.

[Midlodemocrat]

32. If I didn't watch them, I would never have purchased my chia pet.

:eyes:

God, you're a douchebag. :rofl:

[catmandu57]

33. Drunks

Insomniac drunks who have lost the remote and are too wiped out to give a shit.

[applegrove]

35. I sometimes get messmerized by the salespeople. I just find their

enthusiasm fun. I never buy. I never feel like buying what they are selling. I just like a good sales pitch. They make it all sound so fascinating.

[Rabrrrrrr]

36. I do like that Australian guy who's just so dad-gummed EXCITED by everything!

"And look what else it can do! Look at this! Look! Are you looking?! This is GRITE, MATE! GRITE!"