"I've got something serious to talk to you about."

[YankeyMCC]

This is how my 11 year old son opened up the conversation with me that led to him asking permission to get his ear pierced.

I'm struggling a bit with this. My general policy is that anything that doesn't permanently alter his body (like a tattoo, or strange clothing) or clearly offensive (like a t-shirt with an offensive slogan) is fine with me. Let him explore and express himself and just provide enough checks to keep any consequences or reactions he may face within the scope of what someone his age could be expected to handle and reasonable learn from.

If he were 2 years older I think I would not hesitate...but I have to admit it seems a bit young to me. A friend of his got his ear pierced and thus prompted the request. But he was able to point out he'd expressed interest in it prior to his friends doing it and was able to kinda articulate what made him want to do it so I'm fairly comfortable that although there is clearly an element of following his peer that isn't the whole story.

Based on that I should probably let him do it, with rules about cleaning and what he can wear in it obviously, but still I hesitate. Instinct is not a good guide to choosing right and wrong but can be a good indicator of when to take pause and consider carefully.

Of course girls get pierced ears at 11 routinely don't they?

Am I just getting hung up on some old preconceptions or can someone point out a valid reason for concern about this?

[DarkTirade]

1. Were it my kids, I'd tell them they're free to go ahead.

And I'm free to laugh at them for looking goofy. :P

[YankeyMCC]

6. Well that would clearly

be one of the 'rules'...my freedom to laugh if the result calls for it :)

[TZ]

2. My sister got my niece's ear pierced

When she was TWO YEARS OLD.
I don't think 11 is bad. As long as he takes care of it...

[youthere]

3. If he were a girl and wanted it, would you let him?

I think 11 is perfectly acceptable.

[YankeyMCC]

7. And that is probably what bothers me more really

... you're probably correct and I shouldn't let that sort of bias sway me.

[mtnester]

4. My son was the same age

I made a deal with him...if he really wanted his ear pierced, I would take him IF he did a set list of extra chores around the house, without being nagged, for 6 months.

Now, 6 months sounds like a long time, however, it is plenty short enough if he is serious.

My son got his ear pierced BTW. Wore the earring for a few years then quit. Then got his tongue pierced at 18, still has that at 28. He tried getting an upper ear cartilage pierce, but it never healed right and he let it close.

FWIW

[Parche]

5. Whew, At Least its just his ear

If it was something else i would be worried.....:hi:

[skygazer]

8. An ear piercing doesn't really permanently alter his body anyway

They can close up.

I would be thankful that your son is mature enough to preface a conversation like that and ask your permission for such a thing. Then I would allow it, with some information about hygiene and common sense. :hi:

[Duer 157099]

9. I had a similar situation with my son around that age

We discussed it quite a bit and didn't do it right away, I wanted to make sure he wasn't just being impulsive (!) - but eventually he had it done and it seemed to serve it's purpose for him. That was a few years ago (he's 14 now) and he hasn't worn an earring in it for a couple years and the hole has probably closed up by now.

This falls into that category of "pick your fights" in my opinion -- it wasn't a big deal for me, so I wasn't willing to fight much over it.

[CreekDog]

10. Be careful, ear piercing is a gateway piercing

think of what it could lead to. :yoiks:

[Bucky]

13. You mean next he could get his "gateway" pierced?

I think you know what I'm talking about.

[CreekDog]

14. No, I don't think that would be next

That's after 2 or 3 other piercings. :rofl:

[YankeyMCC]

11. Thx all

I think I've made my decision, you all just helped me clear out some cobwebs of bias and preconceptions.

[Bucky]

12. Lots of guys at the high school I teach at have peirced ears. It's no big deal

[skater314159]

15. It's cultural...

... in some cultures (like that of Mexico and India) toddlers and children get their ears pierced regularly, in others it is a rite of passage. I think you could use this as a sort of rite of passage, since he was able to handle this conversation with you in such a mature manner.

Allowing your son (after an education on hygene and care) to have his ear pierced would be good for the both of you in that it shows you respect his wishes and mature discourse, and it would show him that you are cool (but still his PARENT!) and supportive of him - which is VERY important when truly important subjects come up later. He will know that he can talk to you and ask you things and you will treat him with respect like a fellow adult.

Best to the both of you!