Dear drunken roommate and your girlfriend...

[ghostsofgiants]

There is a simple way to tell whether or not I am home and if I am home, whether or not I am awake. Do you see my sneakers sitting in the porch? Those mean I am home. Do you see how there is no light or sound whatsoever emanating from my room? That means I am asleep. So when you wake my up by shouting at the top of your lungs to each other about fucking pizza places delivering or some such horseshit, that is grounds for a fist to the larynx.

Love,
Jonathan

P.S.
When she is sobbing loud enough to wake me up a second time, whatever you did to incite such sobbing warrants another fist to the larynx and one to the balls for good measure.

[democracyindanger]

1. You keep your sneakers on the porch?

[ghostsofgiants]

4. I think colloquially, porch might mean something different here than it does there.

Here it is the area just inside the door where shoes are generally kept.

[Chan790]

9. In CT...

we call that a mud room.

[VenusRising]

2. Ugh.

I'm sorry that you were disturbed from sleep. I'm like a bear when it comes to sleep and people don't "poke the bear".

I must say I admire you for the good measure punch for making the girl cry. You're a good egg.

Go back to sleep. :hug:

[ghostsofgiants]

5. He's been a dick to her in the past.

I actually warned her about getting involved with him in the first place.

[VenusRising]

7. Some girls never listen.

It's a shame, too. They would save themselves a lot of grief.

[Fenris]

3. I lived in a dormitory for one semester.

I came to my university with too few credits to qualify for off-campus housing (you had to have 45 or so hours or be 21). So I lived in the world's most depressing and frightening dorm. It was simply called "The Tower" and it was apparently modeled after either a federal building or a prison. Not being the type who partied every day of the week and appreciating things like "sleep," I had to try to fall asleep to the most delightful of sounds, because the walls, ceiling, and floor of my dorm was constructed out of construction paper. People fucking, screaming, laughing, watching TV at ear-shattering volumes, and playing incredibly shitty music. But my favorite was the break-up. Some douche in a dorm room near mine was getting dumped by his girlfriend and it seemed to go on forever. By the time they finished I felt I had lived through their relationship and wanted to murder them both. But the coup de grâce came near the end, when he hit her, which was followed by "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FUCKING HIT ME!!" and endless sobbing. What a healthy relationship!

Invest in earplugs. And maybe a gun, too.

[ghostsofgiants]

6. It's quiet now, but I need to start sleeping with my ipod, I think.

Time for me to go back to sleep.

[BreweryYardRat]

8. Sounds like the one I'm stuck in.

Must...find...apartment.

Must...find...housemate.

[Brigid]

10. Did you print this and put it on his door?

Or are his reading skills not up to it? :evilgrin:

[ghostsofgiants]

11. I should totally post that on his door, haha.

He's not stupid, just a complete ass.