Why is it ok for a woman to call a grown man "sweetie" but not vice versa?

[yellowcanine]

I have been called "sweetie", "sweetheart", "hon", "honey", "sugar" dozens of times by women clerks and waiters. I never thought a thing of it. Why is this such a huge deal now, just because Obama called a woman "sweetie"?

[nomorenomore08]

1. Because they're reaching for anything they can throw at Obama.

His calling a reporter "sweetie" is as much of a non-issue as Hillary's cackle or Edwards's haircut.

[Chan790]

2. It's not, It's not, hypocrisy, n/m

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. I call everybody little names like that. Sweetie, sweet pea, honey, princess, baby girl etc etc but

mostly I use them on the kids that I work with or my own little guys. (I call my boys pretty puppy, beautiful boy, angel-face etc so it's not a girl-only thing for me.)

Interestingly, my hubby never uses little names like that even for me. And weirdly, I kinda wish he would. (He used to call me babe, but I haven't heard that since college. I think he tried it out and decided that sort of thing wasn't for him. LOL)

[Javaman]

4. Well, I think the point is:

the woman was a professional and in an professional environment, "pet names" is a no no for a variety of reasons.

As a guy, if someone called me "sweetie" and that person was senior in authority, I would get really pissed.

[yellowcanine]

7. He was not her supervisor. Clerk or waiter does not mean the environment was not "professional".

[seaglass]

5. Do you see the different power relationships between

you and someone waiting on you vs. Obama and the reporter?

If a waitress or a clerk called me sweetie it wouldn't bother me either. If a male peer or boss called me sweetie in a business situation I would be insulted because it is demeaning. Context matters.

[yellowcanine]

6. Obama and a female aide, yes. Obama and a reporter, no.

He is not her supervisor. There is no power relationship.

[Chan790]

14. Working in food service versus working with the press.

I've done both. Food service is a far more power-oriented relationship. It's clearly D/s.

Working with the media...there is no power relationship...they need me, I need them; it's M.A.D. There is no power because there is a mutual need to not have any conflict. I can tell you I've seen media liaisons fired for having a problem with a reporter and I've seen reporters fired for having a problem with a media liaison. Everybody goes out of their way to not get offended. I'd wager the same is true of reporters and subjects/candidates.

This is wrong and it might be contextual...but this isn't the reason in this case. There is zero power relationship here...he just said something dumb. Possibly the reason is that it's unprofessional and people hold lesser professional expectations of servers. It might even be sexism on the part of the offender, the offended and the reporter he said it too. (All Three)

The only person I'd ever call sweetie is my girlfriend if I had one. But I don't. My employer calls me sweetie and I hate it.

edit: Consistency of terms.

[seaglass]

19. It probably wasn't the best comparison but as a presidential

candidate I think Obama has more power than the reporter. Just as in the waitress/customer relationship - the waitress could spit in the customer's food - in the Obama/reporter relationship - the reporter could write a hit piece - but I don't think that really changes who has the power and who doesn't.

To your point, I agree that it was a dumb thing for Obama to say and I wouldn't assign importance to it unless there was a pattern.

[MonkeyFunk]

8. Why so many politics threads in the lounge today?

Come on, guys - some of us come here to take a break.

[yellowcanine]

9. I made the judgment that this is a relatively "light" topic and lounge material.

Sorry to disturb your break. Of course you didn't have to click on it.

[Oeditpus Rex]

12. I imagine Mr. Funk clicked thinking it was a thread about

the "battle of the sexes," as I did, since the thread title indicated no political nature. You introduced that in the text. Thus, "you didn't have to click on it" is moot.

[harmonicon]

28. it's not

when General Discussion: Politics was changed to General Discussion: Primaries, it was stated that ANYTHING having to do with one of the candidates in the primaries should only be included in that forum and nowhere else.

[supernova]

10. Context is everything

To me anyway.

I don't want to hear "sweetie," "honey," "babe" nor any derivations thereof at work.

I quite like it from dates, potential dates, friends, and even my brother occasionally still calls me "shortcake."

[Chan790]

11. Last time I called a woman shortcake...

I got kneed. there. hard. :puke:

[supernova]

13. It's only used if

you know each other really, really well.

:D

He's my brother, and he's nice about it. ;-)

[Chan790]

15. I was dating her...

I don't know how much better I could have known her.

edit: She's 5'1" and I'm 6'4". She's kinda sensitive about her height. I didn't mean it that way.

[supernova]

18. I'm also 5' 1"

but I'm not sensitive about it at all. I realized quite early in my life that I was going to be a mighty mite. But that was OK with me since there are several of us in my family and everyone respects everyone else, heightwise. ;-)

Don't know what to tell you about her though. People have all types of quirks about themselves.

[khashka]

27. Context is everything

I call myself a fag or a faggot. And I don't mind my friends or people of good will calling me that, too. But a guy with a baseball bat who yells "Hey, faggot!" and beats you up - totally different context. Or just people who use the word to try and demean me - different context.

Words mean different things depending on who is saying them and under what circumstances.

Khash.

[NashVegas]

16. For the Same Reason It's Inappropriate for Bush to Use His Cutsey Nicknames

Obama is a public servant.

[democracyindanger]

17. Because of the general condescension

women have and still experience from men.

Not seeing a problem with a man calling a woman he doesn't really know "sweetie" = not seeing a problem with t-shirts equating a black man with a cartoon monkey.

It's really very simple.

[applegrove]

20. I love being called sweetie. I don't know what all the fuss is about. In the town I live

it is typical for a woman to call another woman "hon". You get it all the time from store clerks. I love that too. Don't take my "terms of endearment" away from me. Obama did nothing wrong.

[datasuspect]

21. i routinely call women "darlin'" with a deep east texas redneck twang

[The Inquisitive]

22. *sigh* Life was so much better when we white males had all of the power

now we just have most of the power :(

[Guava Jelly]

23. I loved being called sweetie

I call people I care about sweetie.
It all depends on how you use it.

[riverdeep]

24. Not everyone takes offense.

So it's not objective to say 'it's not okay' because for some it is. But it has to do with history. Men in positions of power referred to women as 'sweetie' not as an endearment but as an irrelevance. That still lingers for many. If you don't know how that person will respond, don't say it. I listened to it, he didn't seem to be doing it in an offensive way, but it's cool as hell he apologized. Bush hasn't apologized for anything in eight years.

[khashka]

25. I do it all the time

I call both women and men "sweetie", "sweetheart" "baby" and "darling". I also call men "boy" and women "girl" regardless of age. I broke myself of calling women "chicks" (mostly) after some DU ladies kicked my ass for doing it.

Part of it is that women are still second class (damn it!) so it comes across as condescending and sexual rather than just being nice. And I would never call a black man "boy" - words have different meanings to different people and depending on who they come from.

Khash.

[Fleshdancer]

26. The only time I get mad at a man or a woman calling me "sweetie"....

is when it is said in a very sarcastic tone for the sake of being condescending. An honest "sweetie" is always welcomed.

DISCLAIMER: I have no idea what the Obama situation is because my sanity requires me to stay out of GDP most of the time so I hope no one attempts to equate my honest answer with some sort of slam toward a Democratic candidate.