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So, I just posted this on my Myspace after seeing the movie at theaters. You can either read through the entire thing, or just say what you thought of the movie. In a nutshell, I didn't quite like it.
Now let me just preface this by saying that I'm not a huge Indiana Jones fan, and honestly, haven't watched all the movies. Likewise, I don't really like the Disneyland ride. Because of this, I didn't expect a thrill ride from this movie. I got what I expected. Perhaps the cheesiest of the series, the last line just re-affirmed my beliefs that I held before I sat down. "Knowledge was their treasure." Perhaps one of the most cliched lines and themes in the entertainment industry, it, in my opinion, is one of the few ways NOT to end a film. novel etc. Seeing the Lucas brand name on the film left me wondering "Is this going to be like Star Wars?" I was not surprised then when the movie began to take on an alien theme to it. Lucas hasn't produced anything worthwhile since the Star Wars movies of the 70s. Think what you want about Episodes 1, 2, and 3, but they were just too CG-oriented to be as good as the vintage 70s stuff. Note to directors: Don't let Lucas help out on films. The CG used in Crystal Skull was so noticeable, it distracted from the movie. For example, take when Shia LaBeouf is flying through the jungle canopy on the vines with the monkeys. That was unacceptable from Lucas Films to have such poor animation.
Similarly, the story was confused with itself. Crystal Skull feels like it's 4 movies crammed into 1, and tries to be all of them. It starts off dealing with the Soviets. Then it decides to change to talking about the ancient American civilizations, and then decides to go to extraterrestrials. Ultimately it made no sense, and felt like Lucas just began shouting ideas at a conference table, and Spielberg going "Yeah, that sounds good. Let's do that also." Then Spielberg is like "Hey, let's also decide to introduce Indy's son! That could be fun!"
Another part of the movie that irked me was the poor historical and scientific fact checking that obviously never took place. Let me start by saying that for as many Russians that were in America and overtook the army base is amazing. For the heightened Red Scare in the 50s, that many would have never been able to mobilize, nor would they have been able to overtake an army base, especially one testing nuclear weapons (which brings me back to how they could have launched with a story about the Soviets trying to get a nuclear warhead, but enough about possible story lines). Then, the scene where the Mayans come out of their little temple and try to attack the group, it was virtually a useless scene. The premise was never followed up with, and was just sort of like another "Let's do this, it will be cool!" kind of scene. And on that, the likelihood of such a large group surviving that long (2500+ years) in seclusion is very low. Another problem I saw was in the little Treasure Room. They commented about how there were treasures from all over the world, including some from Macedonia and Babylon. There are some factual errors here. Going by the suggested time frame of the alien arrival, that would put it at about 2000 BCE at latest, and probably 1500 BCE at earliest. Ancient Macedonia was not likely settled until around 200 BCE by the most conservative estimate, and is better said around 200 CE. That blows the hole that there were objects from there. Likewise, ancient Babylon cannot be considered a kingdom until 2300 BCE, and ultimately, until their classic period would begin, artifacts would not exactly appear until sometime around 1500 BCE. Seeing as how these would be around the same time, this is also extremely unlikely. Now on to science. Crystal is a naturally occurring substance in nature, and it's elements are the same ones found throughout the galaxy, and would be logical to find on another planet. However, the chance that an alien race's bones, if they had them, would be made of crystal is extremely doubtful. In fact, it is HIGHLY IMPROBABLE that in the event there is intelligent life on a distant planet, that their anatomical structure would be similar to ours, and yet look differently on the outside. I would have been enthralled to see a unique alien, something different than ever seen before. And yet Spielberg seems to have reverted back to his ET structure, copying the skeletal system of humans. Now, sort of on the alien thing. If aliens had come to Earth, they would have to be extremely intelligent as well as advanced. If they did decide to teach Earth's inhabitants, why would they teach how to farm and irrigate? If they were so advanced that they could make near-instantaneous intergalactic travel, why would they teach such primitive survival skills, and not introduce other technological advancements?
Now on to the technical quality. I thought it was pretty well done technically, but the CG was terribly done, and I would blacklist the company that did it, especially in an age in which it is so widely used, it SHOULD be flawless. In the scene in which Shia LeBeouf is first introduced, then they go to the restaurant was horrible. The framing was just absolutely dreadful. By incorporating the other table with the "Socs" at it, the scene became cluttered and confusing. I know, for one, me and my family all said that the other table was too distracting, which made me pay less attention to what was being said. Similarly, when Shia knocks down the ketchup and mustard, the next scene shows them back up again, and then it goes back and Indiana Jones is putting them back up again. Just a little thing that irked me. And if a long scene is going to be included with lots of dialog, it has to move along and not be distracting.
Finally on acting. You can certainly tell old Harrison is aging. If it wasn't noticeable from the stubble, he's getting weak, and his line delivery is as well. "Kid, you ain't on Tatooine anymore." He looked tired, and if this isn't his last movie, it will be one of his. Shia LaBeouf was good, as always, but he just seemed out of place. He was stellar in his performance, but it just felt awkward for him to be there. Something kept making me feel like Optimus Prime would appear at any moment and fight Megatron. Everyone else was alright. I felt like the accent of the Russian lady couldn't have been more faked, but oh well.
Now, granted, I know this is all a movie, a fiction movie at that. Don't send me an angry email telling me to pull the stick out of my ass. But I'm just saying, for a Lucas and Spielberg production, this should have been top quality. It was not. Which is why I give this movie 2 out of 4 Crystal Skulls, and on the James Scale, I would say rent it. Download it if you like or rent it, but don't see it in theaters. The lines are terrible, the wait is long, and you will be unimpressed. At least I got to spend the day with my family.
So, what did you all think?
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