When you learn that someone who acts/appears "normal" has a mental illness . . .

[bertha katzenengel]

. . . does that change how you respond to that person?

[zanne]

1. Yes; a little, but not in the way that you might think.

I actually feel a little more comfortable with someone who's had to struggle with it. I've suffered from depressive episodes for most of my life. They're under control now, but it makes me feel good to know that other people understand it, too.

[Dystopian]

2. I feel the same....

I used to fear the stigma, so wouldn't talk about it...
It's now surprising that I know people at work who openly speak about being on medication for depression/anxiety....


peace~

[hobbit709]

3. Define "normal"

As somebody once said "Given the conditions of contemporary society, how can anyone claim the normal person is really sane?"

[bertha katzenengel]

5. No.

:) It can't be defined. I realize that. But I'm sure you understand the concept I'm talking about.

[hyphenate]

4. Well,

I've worked with patients who were mentally ill, and it's no big deal. Many of them were senile, and they were as sweet as could be.

There were a few that were partly dangerous, though, and while I could treat them normally most of the time, there was the occasional time when I was afraid of them.

In regular life, I am a science fiction fan and con goer, and know enough fans who go beyond normal at conventions. We're all just a little bit "off" and that's fine with me. :)

[Fran Kubelik]

6. Yes.

Well, wait. Appears "normal". Then no. The people who do not appear normal, and about whom I begin to get a little judgmental, and then later begin to suspect mental illness, that's when I try to give that person more leeway. <-- Most convoluted way of saying maybe. Depends. Hell, I battle depression myself, if that counts as mental illness.

[siligut]

7. We call them APNs, apparently normal persons.

The worst are the psychopaths, but you generally won’t know that until too late. Normal is functional in society or perhaps never having seen someone for a diagnosis, just not very exacting.

I do appreciate people who have some introspection, and have examined their lives and this tends to be true of people who look for help or answers.

[Schema Thing]

9. whoa.... there's actually a term for this?

please see my post below, and pm me if you have any words of advice.

[Schema Thing]

8. In my case, I've learned that I can't respond at all

because ANY response will trigger something negative.


But that's just the uniquely hellish situation I walked into, with it's particular disorders.


Just a little tip for my friends, don't ever "play down" mental illness just because the person act/appears "normal" to most observers most of the time and do something really stupid like say... I don't know... marry the person.



What I'm having trouble with, is knowing how to feel about this person. I should have pity, I usually have no trouble having pity for the challenged, weak, or ill. But this person's entire life is built around spending every minute of every day "acting" sane, which leaves no time or room for her to get or accept help, not even from professionals.

You find yourself viewing the person on their terms, which is a version of "normal", which then makes it very difficult to have proper empathy for their personality disorders/mental illness, especially when those disorders are in full attack mode on yourself.


But this is probably all quite different from what your op is really about... sorry, just took a moment to vent.

[BarenakedLady]

10. I hope that people don't treat me differently.

:shrug:

But then again, I appear "normal".

Edited to add, I guess it would depend on what mental illness we were talking about.

[qb]

11. It would be helpful if you were more specific...

I assume you are referring to someone who is potentially harmful to yourself or others. I have struggled with mental illness and have some wonderful, loving friends who have mental illness. I don't appreciate being lumped into a group "to be avoided".

on edit - on re-reading the OP I realize it doesn't actually make an judgments. I am responding to some of the replies.

[datasuspect]

12. what's the mental illness?

i suppose i'd react the same way if i found out they had cancer or necrotizing fasciitis: with compassion and care.

[LeftyFingerPop]

13. Bertha, excellent question. I have a lot to say about this.

I am not sure which mental illness you are speaking of, but I will respond from the point of view of a person with clinical depression.

1) Treat a depressed person with the same care and respect that you would treat a "normal" person.

2) Do not tell a depressed person to "snap out of it". It does not work that way. Depressed people are sick, not weak. In fact, it is my opinion that people who are able to endure depression are stronger than many.

3) When you find out someone is depressed, express your sorrow and give them a hug.

4) Do not assume that a depressed person who drinks too much alcohol on a particular occasion is an alcoholic. Do not assume that a depressed person who engages in high risk behavior with drugs on a particular occasion is a drug addict. Depressed people can do stupid things like the rest of the population. Not everything that a depressed person does is related to their depression. Think of it this way...not everything that a person with cancer does is related to their cancer.

5) Do not tiptoe around a depressed person, and do not be afraid to ask them about their illness.

6) Understand that the term "mental illness" diminishes the seriousness of what is happening with the person. Everything that happens with us is physical....even "mental illness", because the brain is a physical organ.

7) Recognize that while the risk of suicide is higher in a depressed individual, a depressed person probably will not become suicidal just because something goes wrong in their life. Recognize the risk, but don't feel like you have to treat people terribly different because of this risk.

Again, great question. :hi:

[redqueen]

14. Yes. I'd be more understanding / tolerant. (nt)

[LaurenG]

15. No

because I'm pretty sure we all have a mental illness of one sort or another. :shrug:

[Sentath]

16. uhm, yeah

in all cases some extra patience.

After that it depends on the particulars. Is it depression or something more flamboyant? One of my few very good friends has an organic imbalance that leads to days of sleeplessness followed by non-reality based behavior, sometimes violent. But ONLY when non-medicated. I find that we're more comfortable talking about concrete things rather than the airy maunderings we used to engage in. The medication for this also has his brain on a short leash, he cannot do long chains of conditionals. 'What if's and 'what then's are a real challenge for him anymore.

[khashka]

17. Depends on the mental illness

Some people with a mental illness you can treat like anyone else. And that often helps, since they don't feel like a freak, they feel like a friend.

Some cases are more severe and you have to treat them with more kindness and compassion. I had a friend who shot himself in the head after he was stood up at the altar, he had the mentality of a child afterwards. I couldn't treat him as a normal adult man. I loved him, he was my friend, but I had to find a way to respond on a level he could understand and accept. Some mental illnesses are like that.

But you said "normal acting" - so treat them like anyone else.

Bertha, after saying you were bipolar, it hasn't changed my opinion of you or how I'll treat you at all, at all. Sorry you have to deal with it. But you are still the same person I liked before I knew. So it makes no difference, except I wish you didn't have to deal with it.

Khash.