It Looks Like I Don't Have To Be Afraid Of Coming Out to My Dad...

[slinkerwink]

I was on the phone with my father, and he lives in Texas. He's also one of those guys that voted for Bush the last time and now hates Bush. My father isn't a huge church-goer, and only goes on religious events such as Christmas and Easter.

I'm bisexual but he doesn't know that yet so I decided to test him out by asking him what he thought about gay marriages in San Francisco. I thought that my dad would be against gay marriage because he had never struck me as the type to support them.

He said that he was for gay marriage and that anyone that had entered into a commitment should have their commitment legally recognized by the government. That completely floored me and I asked him why he was for gay marriage. He said it was because that love was universal and that he had seen the photos and newcasts of over 3,000 gay couples in San Francisco getting married. He didn't see the harm that they were doing to heterosexual marriages so he said that gay couples should get married.

I'm very pysched about this, and frankly a little surprised at my father. I've been openly bisexual to my stepmother and to my half-siblings, and my full siblings, but not to my biological parents. I am presently in a relationship with a wonderful woman and I would love to bring her home to my father someday, so the fact that my dad is for gay marriage gives me hope in my heart that he won't totally disown me when I come out to him.

I'm very proud of my dad for his shift from liking Bush to hating him, and also for recognizing that gay marriages don't present a real harm to the institution of marriage. :-)

[Dookus]

1. That's very cool

In my personal experience, the fear of coming out to family was much, much worse than the actual experience of doing so.

I was uniformly met with love and pledges of support. I know not everybody is so lucky, but I think we often fail to give people the benefit of the doubt.

My parents, both staunch republicans, couldn't have been better about it.

[slinkerwink]

4. my father describes himself as an Independent and there was

a hilarious bit at dinner five years ago where he admitted to us all that he had smoked pot in high school. My stepmother kicked him under the table because he wasn't supposed to say that in front of the children. It was pretty funny at the time ;-) I like to think that my father's political changes is because of me. It was because of me that he got involved with the Dean campaign, and he hosted a party at his house, which is pretty amazing.

[Bronco69]

2. A big thumbs up

to you and your dad! :-)

[Philosophy]

14. And a snap!

B-)

[Kamika]

3. Ask him how he would feel if you would marry a girl

That should make it clear..

[slinkerwink]

6. I haven't come out to him yet, so I couldn't bring that question up

because I'd prefer to do it in person.

[arcane1]

5. sweet!

a friend of mine has a similar thing going on, but her dad is not quite as open (aka 'sane')-minded as your dad seems to be

:bounce:

[slinkerwink]

7. I still hope that my dad will take it okay when I come out to him

but what he told me is pretty encouraging so far.

[Eumenides]

13. Good luck!

It sounds like he's going to take it just fine.

[slinkerwink]

15. yeah! I'm hoping so!

[arcane1]

19. he sounds like someone who thinks his way into an opinion

instead of the knee-jerking. Hopefully he will easily see that he is as unaffected by your orientation as by those couples here in SF

though it's possible for there to be knees getting in there since it's about blood, family, etc, and thus more emotional and close... but if that happens he'll probably be ok after he's had a little thinking time to grokk it in fullness :)

good luck! Let it happen when it happens :thumbsup:

[slinkerwink]

20. yeah, my dad's the type to think his way into an opinion after looking

at both sides of the coin.

[Bertha Venation]

8. Slink, that is so darn cool.

:hifive: that's terrific news. :hug:

[slinkerwink]

11. I know, and it is great news!

:toast: :hug:

[Bundbuster]

9. Looks like you're almost home

If your dad said and believes that love is universal, Id say you're good to go, and should expect his support. There's also a good chance that he already knows about your sexual identity and is simply waiting for you to tell him yourself. If your half-siblings and siblings know, don't be surprised if dad's already in on the "not-so" secret. My best wishes are with you for another huge step in self-liberation and freedom - throw off ALL the chains!

[slinkerwink]

12. you're right----he probably does know, but I'm still hesitant to

tell him because I love him very much, and I would never want to disappoint him.

[Slice]

10. Good for you

I think gays have come a long way in this country in terms of gaining acceptance. You see that with the 83% of Americans who now support anti-discrimination laws for gays.

[slinkerwink]

44. hopefully the trend will continue!

:hi:

[Maddy McCall]

16. Slinkerwink...I have a brother who is gender dysphoric...

My parents accepted it much more gracefully than I thought they would--they are conservative Southerners. Sometimes when we are presented with situations with our "real life" kids, the abstract, rhetorical opposition melts away, and the profound love for our children triumphs--even among parents who aren't as open-minded as your dad. My parents are very supportive of my brother and they never considered being otherwise.

I have a 10 year old kid. I love him to death, as I am sure your dad does you, and we want our kids to be happy.

I am glad that your dad was so understanding. He sounds like a great guy, and you are very fortunate. It's funny when we prepare ourselves for the worst, and then our parents exceed all expectations, eh?

:toast: to you and your pop. I bet your relationship becomes much closer now. :-)

[slinkerwink]

18. so far, my dad has exceeded my expectations, but my mom hasn't

:-(

[Maddy McCall]

21. I hope she comes around

[slinkerwink]

22. it'll probably take her ten years or the birth of my kid for her to come

around ;-)

[Maddy McCall]

25. It may...but you have to make yourself happy...

you can't live for her, as painful as that is to recognize. :-(

[slinkerwink]

26. I know that now....

it still sucks though.

[brook]

17. Nice to hear...

this. Don't count us old fogies out, dear. Especially us old fogey parents. We love our children; are proud of them and blessed when they love us back. All we really want for them is to be healthy and happy. I'm sure you and your Dad are gonna be just fine.

[slinkerwink]

23. thanks for the best wishes!

[BlackVelvetElvis]

24. Awesome! Parents surprise us sometimes.

Come out to your dad. I hope it goes well.

[slinkerwink]

35. thanks!

[Habibi]

27. Perhaps your father

is using this occasion to let you know he is approachable about your own sexuality? Parents often figure this out in their offspring, I think. Both my parents knew about me before I really came out. Or at least, my announcement didn't seem to strike either of them as a suprise. ;-)

[slinkerwink]

28. it could be a very, very, very strong probability....

:-)

[Lisa0825]

29. That's great, slinkerwink!

That's gotta be a big load off your mind! I'm glad that he has been positively affected by the images from SF. I have heard from others who said similar things as well.

[slinkerwink]

30. really? what did they say?

[Lisa0825]

31. They were particularly impressed by how many older couples

were getting married, after having been committed to each other for so many years, and the sheer joy on their faces. They said they just hadn't really thought about it in emotional terms before... they just thought about the SEX and since sex with the same sex was something that repulsed them (as heterosexuals), they had always had a hard time getting past that part of it. Seeing the happy couples made them see them as PEOPLE and partners, and not just as people who have sex with the same sex.... does that make sense?

[slinkerwink]

32. it does now---and it was absolutely glorious having the first gay couple

to be married as the oldest couple to be married---they were together for 51 years.

[Rabrrrrrr]

33. YAY for Slinkerwink's Dad!

What a compassionate response he gave.

A dad I would be happy to have (based only on that one thing, of course)

Congrats!!

[slinkerwink]

34. thanks!

[rumguy]

36. I had a girlfriend who went bi she went to college

east coast liberal arts colleges do that to ya...

[slinkerwink]

38. I never went "bi"----I've always been bisexual since I was 13

:shrug:

[rumguy]

40. some would say all chicks are bi

[slinkerwink]

42. no, I wouldn't go as far to say that

[bicentennial_baby]

41. Me? Since forever

Actually, I was attracted to girls way before boys, even as a younger child. Strangely enough, the majority of my relationships have been with men, even though I find women more desirable overall. :shrug:

ps- Great news about your dad! Good luck with this, seriously! :hug:

[slinkerwink]

43. thanks!

:hi:

[RetroLounge]

37. Very cool Slink. You're Dad sounds like a smart man.

It seems the older I get, the smarter my Dad gets... :)

[slinkerwink]

39. which means that my dad wasn't that bright when I was a kid

;-)