List classic lines from Christmas Vacation. I will start

[greenbriar]

http://www.wilstar.com/midi/tirade.wav

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

[jobycom]

1. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight

he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

[greenbriar]

2. good one

no one else?

am I on a huge ignore list?

[jobycom]

3. Too much like my own family to ignore.

I think everyone is at the theater watching "The Dark Knight."

You ever this song, by Robert Earl Keene? http://youtube.com/watch?v=P37xPiRz1sg

[greenbriar]

5. thanks

hadn't heard that

[OmahaBlueDog]

14. "We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since

Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. "



When the kids are in bed, I watch that one the night we decorate the tree.

[jobycom]

18. It's a classic of lowbrow lit.

[auntAgonist]

4. here are a couple

Clark says ...
'Ahhhh, well it wouldn't be the Christmas season if the stores were any less hooter than they, hotter than they are.'


Eddie says this to Art when he goes to kiss Eddie's son.
"You might want to take a rain check on that. He's got a lip fungus that ain't been identified yet."

[greenbriar]

6. Surprised?

I couldn't be more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet

[pokerfan]

7. "You serious, Clark?" is my favorite.

Favorite scene is any with either Randy Quaid or Nicolette Scorsese.

[NightWatcher]

10. 'tis the season to be merry. That's my name. No shit?

Look Russ, no panty lines

[pokerfan]

11. That whole scene is classic Chevy

Mary: Can I help you with anything?
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - brousing.
Mary: For your wife? For your girlfriend?
Clark: Uh... huh? What happened? I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? How'd that happen?
Mary: Because it's cold out?
Clark: Yes, Yes, it is a bit nipply out. I mean 'nippy out.' What am I saying, nipple? Ah, there is a nip in the air, though.
Mary: Can I take something out for you?
Clark: (insane giggling) I was just looking at something for my wife, god rest her soul.
Mary: Oh god, I'm so sorry.
Clark: Oh no no no, she's not dead. We're just divorced. She's history. And, obviously she
doesn't wear underwear. And, there are plenty of shopping days left until adulteries - adulthood - which is to say Christmas, as in Yule, Yule log. Not a log, I don't have a log. I mean you know. If I had a log, not in the sense that you think I said I did. Good golly. Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.

[sniffa]

8. Grace? She died 30 years ago.

[nytemare]

9. "Shitter's full!!"

[greenbriar]

12. that is one of the funniest

lines in a hugely funny movie

[bumblebee1]

13. Eddie to Clark after viewing the Christmas lights on the house.

Eddie: Clark, you didn't have to do it on our account.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

15. Here are two:

Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.


Clark: Where's Eddie? He usually eats these god d**n things.

[kat_kringle]

16. ok, so i'm lost for a quote

as it seems that the ones that pop into my mind are already taken. however, i do love the fact that randy quaid's character wears such freakishly tight pants, and a dickie collar as well, if i'm not mistaken?

[Lady Effingbroke]

17. Hallelujah, holy shit, where's the Tylenol?

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?