Sci-Fi/Fantasy Book-A-Minute

[PVnRT]

http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/sff.shtml

The Hobbit


Bilbo Baggins

Ah, now for some peace and quiet. Oops, someone's at the door.

Balin

We're dwarves. I'm the merry one.

Dwalin

I'm the happy one.

Fili

I'm the young one.

Kili

I'm the other young one.

Dori

I'm the funny one.

Nori

I'm the joyous one.

Ori

I'm the cute one.

Oin

I'm the jolly one.

Gloin

I'm the silly one.

Bifur

I'm the one with the funniest name.

Bofur

I'm the one with the looniest name.

Bombur

I'm the fat one.

Thorin

I'm the one with a distinct personality.

Gandalf

Now that you're all here, let's go on a quest.

(They get captured by TROLLS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN. Then they get captured by ORCS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN.)

Bilbo Baggins

What have I got in my pocket?

Gollum

I don't know.

(They get captured by SPIDERS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN.)

Smaug

I'm an evil dragon. Hiss hiss.

(Bilbo Baggins turns INVISIBLE, and then some obscure co-star SLAYS the dragon, and it makes a MESS.)

Bilbo Baggins

I'm going home. Peace and quiet, here I come.



THE END

[DarkTirade]

1. I, Robot

http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/asimov.robot.shtml

Isaac Asimov

Here's a logic puzzle thinly disguised as a story.

Reader

Hurray!



THE END

[Dr. Strange]

2. Ender's Game

Ender

The government let my parents conceive me because they hope to mold me into the ultimate military commander.

Government

Ender, become the ultimate military commander and go defeat the buggers.

(He does.)

Ender

Horror. I'm only nine years old, and I have already eradicated an entire species. I thought it was a game, but it was for real. I will fret about this in the sequels.



THE END

[cemaphonic]

3. That site is the best ever. I first found it years ago

The best one is actually on their movie list though:

Taxi Driver
Directed by Martin Scorsese
1976
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard


There once was a guy who was crazy,
Who shot those whose morals were hazy.
He was hailed as a hero,
This Robert De Niro,
So three cheers for Martin Scorsese.



THE END

[pokerfan]

4. LOLOLOL

Another parody (from the Harvard Lampoon):

"Do you like what you doth see...?" said the voluptuous elf-maiden as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded, shadowy glories within. Frito's throat was dry, though his head reeled with desire and ale.

She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of her.

"Let me make thee more comfortable," she whispered hoarsely, fiddling with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. "Touch me, oh touch me," she crooned.

Frito's hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest.

"Toes, I love hairy toes," she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet. Her tiny pink toes caressed the luxuriant fur of his instep while Frito's nose sought out the warmth of her precious elf-navel.

"But I'm so small and hairy, and...and you're so beautiful," Frito whimpered, slipping clumsily out of his crossed garters.

The elf-maiden said nothing, but only sighed deep in her throat and held him more firmly to her faunlike body. "There is one thing you must do for me first," she whispered into one tufted ear.

"Anything," sobbed Frito, growing frantic with his need. "Anything!"

She closed her eyes and then opened them to the ceiling. "The Ring," she said. "I must have your Ring."

Frito's whole body tensed. "Oh no," he cried, "not that! Anything but...that."

"I must have it," she said both tenderly and fiercely. "I must have the Ring!"

Frito's eyes blurred with tears and confusion. "I can't," he said. "I musn't!"

But he knew resolve was no longer strong in him. Slowly, the elf-maiden's hand inched toward the chain in his vest pocket, closer and closer it came to the Ring Frito had guarded so faithfully...

[Hong Kong Cavalier]

5. My favorite on that list:

http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/rice.interview.shtml">Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice