I never anticipated that I would be alone

[malta blue]

at this point in my life. :shrug:

The entire thing with Mr MB has left me realizing that all of us have our own "crosses to bear" as they say, but it has not left me with any self-doubt.

I know in my heart that the dissolution of this marriage is all his doing, that I did nothing wrong, did nothing to deceive him, and while all of us struggle to maintain our relationships, he gave up on our's a LONG time ago and I didn't even see it. For that, I am angry at myself - that I didn't see it coming. That even in retrospect, I knew there was something wrong, but I didn't think this was going to be the solution.

And I want to thank all the DUers who have given me encouragement to deal with this head on, rather than just curl up and cry it away.

:grouphug:

[Pierre.Suave]

1. many more for you if you need them

:hug:

[malta blue]

2. and for you too my friend

:hug::hug:

[Pierre.Suave]

3. Thanks

:hug:

[YankeyMCC]

4. "Life is what happens while you make other plans"

As someone once said (sang).

That is what my similar experience has taught me.

I'm optimistic for you, and of course wish you all the best, because you are working through this, you are acknowledging your feelings, doing some self-examination and all that is a good foundation for moving on, making it all part of who you are and doing your best to make a new life.

[malta blue]

5. Thank you....

I feel the need to purge my life right now and go on some soul-searching journey a la Shirley McLaine :rofl:

But seriously, I am trying to examine my life from a different perspective right now, and I am doing okay.

:hug:

[YankeyMCC]

6. Ohhhkaaayyy

let's hope your journey ends in a little more firmly planted ground...like say the planet Earth in the here and now. lol

:toast:

[malta blue]

13. well of course I will be on planet earth

:rofl:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear malta blue...

Growing is painful, and yet, it can lead to greater self-awareness...

And that can lead to great joy!

We've got your back, sweetie...

:hug:

[malta blue]

14. thanks Peggy.

:hug:

[SacredCow]

8. Wishing you all the best, MB!!!!

and :hug: after :hug: after :hug: after :hug: after :hug:

[malta blue]

15. You too SacredCow

:hug::hug::hug:

[Gormy Cuss]

9. It's hard to see it this way right now, but try to think of it as being free, not alone.

You have an opportunity to be free to focus on the little MB for a bit while you take some time to regroup and sort out your next steps for a new relationship. You aren't alone!
:hug:

[PeaceNikki]

12. EGGzactly

being alone is FAR preferable to being in a shit relationship.

[malta blue]

16. You are right, of course, and I do consider myself

free from the yoke that was holding me down, but it does get lonely after the little one goes to sleep and there is no one to talk to but yourself. :shrug:

Little MB and I have been having a blast though :woohoo:

[Gormy Cuss]

22. Here's a secret.

There's nothing wrong with talking to yourself. In fact, at certain times in life it has its advantages.;-)

Besides, you can "talk" to all us West Coast DUers who are here in your evening hours.

[malta blue]

23. tee hee

My kid can't even stand it if I hum to myself, imagine if I started talking to myself :rofl:

And yes, I do have the west coast DUers to keep me company - even though I am asleep most of the time by 10pm since I wake up at 5 :shrug:

Thank you :pals:

[raccoon]

10. Ah, Malta, BTDT. I thought a relative liked me; found out about 7 years ago differently.

And I thought of this or that she’d said or done, and thought, “Why didn’t I see that?”

What we both experienced is

Hindsight bias is the inclination to see events that have occurred as more predictable than they in fact were before they took place. Hindsight bias has been demonstrated experimentally in a variety of settings, including politics, games and medicine. In psychological experiments of hindsight bias, subjects also tend to remember their predictions of future events as having been stronger than they actually were, in those cases where those predictions turn out correct…

One explanation of the bias is the availability heuristic: the event that did occur is more salient in one's mind than the possible outcomes that did not.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindsight_bias


Maybe this’ll cheer you up….it always works for me. :hug:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QCZ_bv9aLc

[malta blue]

17. thanks for the perspective

and the song :hug:

[fizzgig]

11. malta, please don't be angry with yourself

everything looks different in hindsight :hug:

[malta blue]

18. Of course you are right about the hindsight

but it still is a blow to realize that you didn't see something when it was right in front of you.

:hug:

How are you doing?

[fizzgig]

19. of course it is a blow

and it is always harder when you don't see it coming :hug:

things are good here. i'm plugging along same as ever, but i'm really happy overall. gotta head out later today to get a bottle of rum for the debate ;)

[blueraven95]

20. ...

:hug: :hug:

[malta blue]

24. thanks

:hug::hug:

[blueraven95]

27. well, you know you aren't at fault here

so, even though it hurts, at least you don't have any reason to feel guilty on top of it.

That's how I see it anyway.

But, having never been through a divorce, I don't know if it changes anything.
:hug:

[Wetzelbill]

21. Wow, I am so sorry

Hang in there! I never anticipated it myself either, although I haven't been married yet, I didn't ever have the trial of a marriage breaking up, but I can say that there are good things about it. I'd rather be single than to be in something that wasn't working, and, in the end, I know who I am and what I have to offer this world. So stay strong, it obviously isn't easy, but you are a wonderful person, it's good that you don't have any self-doubt, you shouldn't. Just keep being you. :)

[malta blue]

25. I really don't have issues with being single.

I know people who suffer being single, I don't mind it for the most part. It's just the getting used to it again that is hard :shrug:

And yes, better single than in a sucky relationship - very true.

[lost-in-nj]

26. It will be 2 years tomorrow that mr. lost left me

deep down I know I did nothing wrong....

but my head can't wrap itself around that

:hug:


I am way ahead of you on this road so if you need
anything just ask and I will try to help

one thing is
It does get better.....
not 100% yet but I am not thinking about it 24/7 anymore....
sometimes it's just minor thought....

lost

[malta blue]

29. thank you lost

:hug:

I know it gets better - hell - I fell better now than I have felt in months, at least physically.

I am starting to think that all of my chronic pain issues can be attributed to him. I am now sleeping through the night, 8 hours straight - that hasn't happened in a couple of years. Last November, the doc diagnosed me with fibromyalgia - but my pains are now dissipating. :wow:

[ScreamingMeemie]

28. I am so sorry malta...

I have no words to say. I have no encouragement. People like to spout pat wisdom and platitudes when, at the end of the day, one just can't stand it. That's me right now.

[malta blue]

30. ...

:hug::hug:

No words MrsG - just :hug:z

[old mark]

31. Do things for yourself, and let your own life happen.

All best wishes to you.

mark

[Z_I_Peevey]

32. It takes time. You WILL recover.

It's been almost four years since my world was turned upside down (and divorce was just the first blow, the rest is too Jerry Springer to recount).

But it gets better. It really does. It is a gift to be able to rediscover yourself, repair what you don't like about yourself, revel in what you do like and just generally enjoy life.

[WinkyDink]

33. {{malta blue}} and {{lost-in-nj}} I admire your fortitude.

[Midlodemocrat]

34. You're not alone. You have friends, here, including me.

And you know how to reach me.

:loveya:

[malta blue]

36. hey honey...

how is Mr Midlo? I was so worried for you earlier :hug:

Thank you for everything - really. :loveya:

[BrklynLiberal]

35. I can empathize with you Malta. I have found that in most cases, men

leave the relationship emotionally long before they leave it physically.
It is much more painful to feel lonely when you actually are supposed to be in a relationship, than to feel lonely when you actually are alone. Sometimes being alone can mean a level of freedom that you did not have before.
If one can force oneself to view this an an opportunity to get on with one's life, and be open to new and better relationships, it does help to get thru the immediate ache.

As I have been told many times by my friends who saw me thru my divorce...All change is good, if we allow it to be, and the only sure sign of life is growth.

Be happy with yourself, and the right person will appear to share it with you...