I estimate I have five minutes before the Jehovah's Witnesses I spotted reach my door.

[Robb]

They're doing a loop up and down the block. They've split up, to spread the Watchtower more effectively.

...I have five minutes to prepare. :evilgrin:

[dawgmom]

1. Rifle Scope? Check. Ammo? Check.

Actually, if you tell them you're Jewish, that almost always works. They don't even try to convert you.

[Robb]

3. Can I be something more exotic?

Like, what's a religion that believes the whole world is inside an almond, or something like that? :D

[dawgmom]

7. I think they'll still try

But they're so anti-semitic, they sort of back away slowly when you say you're a Jew. Try it.

Although I like this Almond religion of yours. Perhaps you could call it "Almond Joy."

[TZ]

10. HA! Not in my experience!

(and I am Jewish)...Its just made them work that much harder cause you know, since I don't believe in Jesus, I'm going to hell!:eyes:

[dawgmom]

11. Hmmm. Maybe it's because I answer the door naked...n/t

[TZ]

13. lol....

Now you've done it...I can hear the clamoring now to know where you live.....:rofl:

[dawgmom]

16. There would be no clamoring. Trust me on this. n/t

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

15. Which could compromise your "I'm Jewish" story. -nt

[TZ]

17. Only if you are a man!

:rofl:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

29. Meh. I missed the "mom" part of the username.

:dunce:

[nickgutierrez]

2. Answer the door with a beer can in your hand.

Also - If you can manage it, burp loudly.

[Robb]

4. Hm. Somewhere, I have a scythe...

I don't think I can put my hands on it in time, though. :D

[Shakespeare]

5. Answer the door naked, and say "Jesus may love you, but come on in and...

....let me show you how much I love you!"

[AlCzervik]

6. Offer them a nice big glass of blood?

[Schema Thing]

8. Ask them, please, about blood

ask them why if "blood is sacred" they won't use it to save lives.

Ask them why they are able take virtually every component of blood as a "fraction", but not whole blood.


Please. I once was a witness, and I really wish more people would have engaged me with difficult questions.

Ask them, "so Jesus really returned in 1914, and the rest of us just didn't see it?".

[Dangerously Amused]

9. Speak earnestly in a foreign language.

That you make up as you stand there.

[Deep13]

12. Put aluminum foil on your head and ask if Zorak sent them. nt

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

14. So, Robb... it's been 20 minutes

are you converted yet?

[Fire Walk With Me]

19. He's telling them his long-form version of the Brazillion joke.

[struggle4progress]

32. It's been, like, four hours. Obviously Robb has been whacked by the Watchtower Enforcers

who are now burying him in his basement

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

34. yes, I fear for our dingbat

but I fear more for the poor JW's at his mercy all this time

[hobbit709]

18. I tell them that I cannot be saved and that they are wasting their time

If they try to argue, I ask for their Bible and read to them
" A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD. " (Deuteronomy 23:2)
Then I tell them my parents were not married and therefore I cannot be saved.
Hand them their Bible back and shut the door. They usually stand there with their mouths hanging open.

[siligut]

20. Just tell them you are glad they found something they can believe in.

Then tell them in a forbidding and very intense tone that they don’t want to know what you know about their religion and Christianity. That does it for me. That does it for any of the door-to-door proselytizers. I even had future groups completely skip my house and look over like they were scared.

[av8rdave]

21. I got them to leave on their own

I asked if it was true that only 100,000 (or was it 400,000?) people get to heaven. They said it was.

I told them sorry, I can't handle that kind of competition!

[Deep13]

36. It's 12,000 from each tribe of Israel.

144,000 total. They will all be Jews. Also, none of them will be "defiled" by women. Presumably, this means none will be women. So only celebate and gay Jewish men can go to heaven.

[av8rdave]

38. 144K...that was the number. Thanks.

I wasn't aware of the additional terms and conditions. Guess I need to read more!

[billyskank]

22. They never seem to want to talk to me.

I have never figured out why. :shrug:

[siligut]

23. LOL

You have the oddest taste in outfits! I swear, I am still laughing. :rofl:

[TheCentepedeShoes]

24. We have a loud dog

The fact that his barking means "play with me, play with me, please, please, please" and not "I am going to eat you" doesn't seem to deter them from failing to make it to the front door.
They'll stop mid walkway, have a conference, then just move on the the next victim.
Good dog.

[RebelOne]

37. I have a big and loud Rottweiler.

When they see her seating at the window, they don't even bother to stop at my house.

[mwooldri]

25. Invite them in!

I have yet to have had a JW take me up on that offer.

Mark.

[lizerdbits]

26. "Let me tell you about my fulfilling relationship

with the Lord of Darkness." I have yet to have the balls to use that one, I just don't answer the door.

[NNadir]

27. My cousin used to do that stuff.

That is be a Jehovah's Witness coming to the door with Watchtower.

I must have had 500 copies of Watchtower when I was a kid. It used to piss my mother off, how many copies I had. But when it came time for my mother to die, her niece was there.

My cousin was a lovely person, loving, kind, and giving. She was my oldest cousin. She died at a relatively young age from cancer. I cannot begin to count her many kindnesses to me and my immediate family.

I loved her very much, even though I am an atheist. I miss her. I wish she could bring me a copy of Watchtower now.

Jehovah's Witnesses still come to my door. I generally offer them a glass of water, take a copy of Watchtower and tell them as gently as I can that I'm not interested.

Say what you will about them, when was the last time one of them started a war, or, for that matter, participated in one? My cousin was out to lunch but she, at least, lived her religion.

[S n o w b a l l]

28. Tell them, sorry, you haven't bought your candy yet

for trick or treaters then close the door.

[SacredCow]

30. I had a friend who answered the door naked...

told them that they were welcome to come in, but they had to get naked first, as he didn't allow clothed people in his house....

:rofl: he is such a freak.

[DarkTirade]

31. Do what a friend of mine did...

although in his case, he's a big biker dude covered in tattoos, so this had a bit more of an effect.

He answered the door in nothing but his whitey-tighteys. And when they started preaching, he chose that moment to 'water the plants' by his front door.

[Swede]

33. Damn,not enough time to get fucked up on some acid.

Oh well.

[Lil Missy]

35. I always used to offer to fix them a sandwich. And was never turned down.

These were always young men who looked half starved. They'd take anything - a cheese or peanut butter sandwich and have it gobbled down before they got out of my apartment building.

Oh, I did tell them I was not at all interested. And once I offered to feed them, they never pressured me about it.

They never come around where I live now, so I have not seen any of them for many years.

[IntravenousDemilo]

41. That's funny. Usually when you feed them they won't go away. n/m

[LiberalHeart]

39. Whenever someone comes to my door to save my soul, I say...

"It's deeply insulting to me that you think I can't figure out for myself which, if any, religion is right for me. I can also figure out that you're on my property and I want you off it. Go, and do not return."

[noonwitch]

40. Just hide in the basement and they'll go away

They'll leave you one of their tracts in the door.

Really, though, they are not bad people, overall. I bought a Watchtower once from a teenaged girl who was standing in front of Farmer Jack's in the rain. I told her that I could spare a quarter for anyone who's faith took her to that time and place in that weather.

Witnesses stand by each other, and help each other out in the way that the early christians did-sharing money, property, all that they have. I disagree with most of their theology, but I recognize that despite the whole no blood transfusions thing, they are pretty good people.

[rockymountaindem]

42. "Best of Jimi Hendrix" album and a boombox

All you need

[Blue_Tires]

43. two words: buck nekkid